Discussion in 'That's Entertainment' started by YouPdWhat, Jan 26, 2013.
No matter how many times you tell them to behave themselves while Mom gets dinner...
Is it just me? Am I having a bad day? Does this involve slang of which I'm not aware?
I got this ad by e-mail today. It links to a story about creating baskets with personal care items to put in guest rooms -- something I've done myself, because it is a great idea.
However, what was P&G trying to say in the headline? I've tried to wrap my mind around what it is supposed to be telling me -- even contemplated the possibility of a typo ... however, the best I can come up with -- "Comb, Stain or Stray Hair" or "Come Stain Your Stray Hair" doesn't make any sense.
"Come Tame Your Stray Hair" would be a LOT of typos for a single headline, doesn't have ANYTHING to do with the article to which it links and how would mouthwash or feminine hygiene products help in that department?
Was the ad written in another country and they used auto-translate or have I simply forgotten how to speak English?
Can someone clue me in, before I obsess myself to death? LOL!
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport. You have to be driven there. I have made several trips there thanks to my children, friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable. I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
After getting all of the Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo – and he doesn’t travel light – the chauffeur notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the chauffeur, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”
“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”
“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” protests the chauffeur.
“There might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the chauffeur gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!” pleads the worried chauffeur, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
“Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license,” moans the chauffeur.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
“I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
“So bust him,” says the Chief.
“I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,” said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed,” All the more reason!”
“No, I mean really important,” said the cop.
The Chief then asked, “Who ya got there, the Mayor?”
“Governor?” The Chief asked.
“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”
“I think it’s God!” the cop exclaimed.
“What makes you think that?”
“Well for one thing, he’s got the Pope as a chauffeur.”
A chicken farmer went to the local bar, sat down next to a woman and
ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne."
"What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, "It is a special day
for me ... I'm celebrating."
"It is a special day for me too. I am also celebrating," said the woman.
"What a coincidence," said the farmer. While they toasted, he asked,
"What are you celebrating"?
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today
my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."
"What a coincidence," said the farmer. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years
all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."
"This is awesome," said the woman. "What did you do for your chickens
to become fertile?"
"I used a different rooster," the farmer said.
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."
A young guy from Idaho moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything
under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Idaho."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give
him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come
down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many
customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30
customers a day. "That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like
to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for
our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been
acceptable in Idaho, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the
boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked
(semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65."
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I
sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him
where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him
he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department
and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think
his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive
department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him
a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife,
and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing!"
This hasn't been the best week, but this video has made me laugh. Enjoy. It is about how one letter from school drives a mom crazy.
this link is more direct
At a local Austin, TX hotel last week, there was a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: "I Miss Chicago."
Someone broke the window, stole the radio, shot out all four of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read:
"Hope this helps"
I heard this story on the radio, so I googled it to find an article to share here. It sounds like the cops in that town have a great time!
A young man was accepted into the police academy. During his third week, his training officer asked, "What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?" The cadet's eyes lit up and said, "I'd call for back-up!"
Medicare Part G
If you are a senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and need Long-Term Care,...but the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you, what do you do? You may opt for Medicare Part G.
The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet. You may then shoot one worthless politician.
This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need. Need new teeth? No problem.
Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered!
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!
And, who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a nursing home.
And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it. And now, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income taxes!
Is this a great country or what?
I Nearly Became A Doctor
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters *PNEIS* into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered spine are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes via email.
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said,
"This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, .....But I fish on Fridays!
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart.
It's Sue. I'm on the train." "Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting."
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss."
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public anymore.
awww so cute
So, my friend and I were sitting at a bar having a drink. I was looking at two women across the bar. Old women. I turned to my friend and said, "You know, that's us in 20 years." She looked across the bar, looked back at me, and said, "You idiot! That's a mirror!"
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