RAOK Potluck 200+ Coupons-Winner: ICanDanSaulKnight

[gkhtoys]

Hi All,

I am offering a potluck envelope of at least 200 coupons to a random picked posting idea on "How I Can Beat the Blues." You may enter as many times as you like but, please make sure that there's 1 idea in between your postings. My 18 year old Son will pick the winning number on Sunday afternoon at 3 PM EST.

Right now I am unemployed, overweight and only have 1 close friend to confide in. I'm feelin' blue and need ideas on how to overcome this feeling. I do take an Anti-depressant already but, it doesn't seem to help.
I've already spent time volunteering, I give to others in need, mow grass for the needy and I am a Christian! I try to exercise and get outside daily but, I don't always succeed. I have 2 dogs and 8 cats so I do have caring pets. Just an idea of what I've tried so far...

I've been married for nearly 23 years and my Husband just doesn't care about my feelings so I'm turning to my HCW friends to help get me through this. Thanks for all your help!

SAT. MORNING UPDATE:
I had a visit yesterday from my friend who has a degree in psychology and she just listened to my problems and offered some advice too. She was actually here to apologize for her husband's (the Pastor) reaction to my request to use our church facilites for a Baby Shower. The Church demanded that I pay $50 to use the facilities for 2 hours even after I told them that I didn't have any income coming in-they didn't care... I've decided to return to my previous church because they don't care that I'm broke-they love me for who I am. Others from the church found out about it and have tried to smooth things over but, I need to go...

Today's my son's graduation from high school. I have to pay for his fall semester in 2 weeks and I only have enough money for 1 semester at the local community college. We're using our tax money to pay for it...I can't believe how expensive it is! My son cannot get a job either-we're both looking at the same time...We're both tired of filling out applications and never receving a phone call.

Winner: ICanDanSaulKnight

[shans3boys]

It's hard to be upbeat when so many thing seem to be conspiring against you.

Look for the positives in your life. Hopefully your son brings you some joy (sorry to hear DH doesn't care about your feelings - a lot of guys don't know how to relate to us women). Look for something good to start your day - you have a lot of friends here at HCW - can an envie in the mail lift up your spirits?

I have always struggled with money (even though I made a lot we never seemed to have any), and especially so after my salary was cut 25%. I made a budget, and now we stick to it. I'm having a great time saving money with coupons, and I make everyone around me listen to my great deals! My new hobby has brought me a lot of joy lately.

YOU are important, and your thoughts and feelings matter. You are LOVED, even if you may not hear it everyday. We do need to hear it!

Now look in a mirror and say that back to yourself 10 times, and start believing it!

God Bless You - and hope each day is a little better than the day before.

[mom25grls]

I'm sorry you are having such a problem with your depression. First off I have to give you a BIG BIG HUG! I know where you are coming from and your DH just doesn't understand, mine is loving but had no clue what to do or how to understand what I was going through. Now....to try to help boost your mood...

You really need to get ahold of your doc and make an appointment, your meds should be doing something to help you out and it sounds like you need an adjustment or change, I was taking 2 different ones before things started feeling better for me.

You don't say if you have a yard or hobbies. I LOVE to get out in play in the dirt, plant flowers, veggies, mow and rake the yard, and plant grass seed to thicken the yard. Anything outside, go for a walk with your favorite music playing in your ear...go to the park and watch the little kids play. ANYthing to remind you what a wonderful life you DO have with your freedoms to go and do what you want! Life could definitely be worse! If it is raining (like it has been around here) OPEN UP the curtains and watch the birds play in the water, your cats "chase" the birds through the windows. Just do something involving the sun!

Outside ALWAYS cheered me up!

Hope you have a good day! HUGS

[lazy1608]

Whenever I am feeling blue, I usually do something for someone else. I try to send a card to someone to lift up their spirits and in turn my spirits are lifted up. I have also been known to buy some fresh flowers and put them in a place that I can see them. There is something about them that is so simplistic yet beautiful.

I am a Christian too and I will be praying for you. :) You are precious and you are a child of God. God bless you and may you have a wonderful week. :)

[jdymitc]

Wow, I could almost have wrote your post myself. I have been unemployed since October, am terribly overweight, been married for almost 18 years, dont really have any really close friends, and I have also been going thru a tough time feeling down at times. A few things that have helped me are I wrote down a list of things that I feel are blessings and keep that list in my wallet that way when I start to feel blue I can pull it out and read it for a quick boost. I hug my girls (they are getting older so it isnt always possible but anytime one of them is available for a quick hug it always picks me up). I turn music up loud and sing at the top of my lungs (sometimes i do this while doing my housework this also helps me get my heart moving and always makes me feel better). If I find myself feeling really down I go on the computer and bring up a word doc and write what is bothering me in a letter to my dh I know he wont read it but it helps to get my feelings out but the important part of this method is later that day I delete the dicument that way I am not going to reread it and get myself down some other day. Right after I lost my job, I was depressed so I started writing a list on my dry erase board of things I wanted to do some were simple such as do the dishes that day others are more long term- get a job. (i had three catagories daily things-dishes, short term-rearrange my living room, and long term- like life goals) each day as I accomplished part of my list I would cross it off it helped to see as items got done. I hope some of my ideas helped. If you want to ever pm me just to talk feel free I am on and off here all day almost everyday. Judy

[gkhtoys]

Thank you so much for your kind words of wisdom! Now I know that I'm not alone-although it feels so lonely right now-at least I have my HCW friends to count on! I will PM you later this afternoon after I return from my In-laws house.

Please keep sending in your ideas!

[pilotwife03]

I know I struggled with my weight for awhile and marrying into a family of all skinny people, I received no help from my husband. I turned to Weight Watchers for help with my weight and I also received some of the emotional support I was needing. I know when money is tight, it makes it difficult, but you need to do something for yourself.

Hope you find something that helps you. Best wishes to you.

[scrapper2]

I'm sorry you are struggling.

Excercise can be very helpful to one's mood. Maybe try walking at your Mall or around you neighborhood. You don't have to walk fast- just getting moving can help.

[Chele44]

You have gotten a lot of great advice so far! Honestly I know it is hard...but try to take some pride in your successes. Like you said, you exercise, that means you are trying to get healthy and on the right track. Also you have been married for over 20 years, (a big feat in and of itself).

[ICanDanSaulKnight]

I read your post & instantly I had so many thoughts and feelings running through my mind and soul it was unreal! I dont even know where to begin. Could I just say that I truly feel like I understand exactly where you are at... and we may have even more similarities if we had time to chat.
Ive dealt with depression all of my life. As a child, I was one of 5 children all raised by a bi-polar horribly abusive father and a mother who couldnt [or wouldnt] stand up to him. I didnt know what we were dealing with at the time, and it wasnt until my late teens that I even found out for sure he was diagnosed bipolar. This is also called manic depression.
I can tell you that from personal experience, first with a dear and very close family member who battled depression for all of his life, and then myself battling some sort of depression for a majority if mine... there are some things that helped me more than others. I believe every one is different and so what worked for me may not be what works for you. :)

I found out that the BEST thing for me was to TALK about it. Let it out. Dont lock it all in. I found someone I could trust, and I talked it all out. We didnt necessarily solve matters, but the talking about it openly and honestly was so freeing. It was like the great big huge bundle of pain I was carrying was lighter, and the more I could talk about how I felt, the lighter it seemed to get. So my first wish for you would be to find someone you can be totally honest with, and talk it out. Share how what you are going through makes you feel and then work through those feelings. Working through takes a lot of time, so dont be in a hurry.
The second wish I would have for you is to indeed see a Dr. I got better when I realized that depression is an actual chemical imbalance in my brain. It wasnt something I needed to be ashamed of, or try to hide, it was the same medically as someone who needs to take insulin because their pancreas isnt working properly. No one decides they are less of a person because they need that medicine. So I wouldnt accept anyone telling me or making me feel like I was lesser because I needed depression meds. My brain simply does not have the right amount of certain chemicals & thus cannot function properly without them. I feel I am actually one of the lucky ones because when I DO take my medication, I am a different person. So, you need to find a really good Dr, one who will look at the total person, you know like a holistic approach. If the one you are taking isnt doing all you need it to, let me please encourage you to try a different one. I can honestly say I tried probably 10 different medications before I found the particular combination that worked well for me.
Thirdly, I would wish for you to be able to look outside of yourself as often as possible, and begin a gratitude journal. Oprah mentioned this yrs ago on one of her shows I think. It works. I found that the more I looked for ways to help others, the less I worried about ME. And I dont mean neglecting myself, I was still going to appts, working, and doing all that life requires of me to the best of my abilities. But I mean anytime I would find myself drifting in that direction... where I feel bad, or just not happy, or whatever you want to call it-- I would purposely recite some favorite quotes or affirmations. Every time. There are days I dont say them but once while brushing my teeth in the a.m. and once doing the same at night. But then there are also days where I am spending much more time doing so. There are even days I would research to find MORE, so that I could perhaps grow even more. For me, it had to be right out there in front of me, or I wouldnt do it. If its in a boo somewhere, forget it. I had to write them out on note cards and tape them up to my mirror. My bathroom mirror has these affirmations all the way around the frame of it... I have some on my kitchen cupboards, so that while cooking or washing dishes, I could also protect my mind and think positively and not let my mind go to a dark place it always seemed to take me. {I would put these on the inside if I was having guests over as I wasnt up to having to explain stuff-- I kept them out of view for a good year or so before I shared what I had been doing}. I put them anywhere and everywhere that I spent any spare moments. My laundry room even-- it has a door on it so that I can close it if someone were to come over, so I would read some over and over while folding laundry. I had two in my car, and eventually I even bought a dvd so that rather than have the radio on, I would listen to these positive words and let them encourage me. I just put them in places where I knew that I would have a moment of time to think- and this way, I was controlling where my mind went- not the other way around.
The gratitude journal is really just another way that I AM in control of my thoughts. I forced myself to think about all that God had blessed me with. Family, friends, a good job, a decent home, a car etc realizing so many have much much less than I do. But over time, you see that journal develop and you see yourself growing too. I began with those sorts of things- tangible things. Im indeed thankful for my family. But a year later, my entry wasnt Im thankful for my mom today she called and we got to talk for a half hour which made me feel very good inside because as a child, I felt I never got any of her time attention or affection. I was able to be grateful for a half hour conversation with my Mom... whereas in yrs past I was so angry at her I couldnt see straight, and thinking about her wouldnt bring happiness in the least! You truly will be amazed how much this process can change you-- if you want it to and if you let it. It is work, there is some real effort involved, but I found it was more than worth it to get to be happy.
Today I still have a hubby whom I do not feel understands me, nor many times even cares to. He isnt much different after our 9 yrs together. BUT, through MY personal work, through my training my mind, I am able to handle it differently. Now, I dont hold that in and cry about it when Im alone or withdraw and sulk. Now, I tell him how I feel.
ie: Hubby says to me: "You decide, I dont care".
I say to him-- "You just said you dont really care if we go on this trip, but honey, to me that sounds like you are saying that you would be just as pleased NOT to go on this trip which will give us some time alone... and that hurts me. Is that really what you were meaning to express to me"?
And then be sure to give him the chance to answer. Most times he had NO CLUE that I was perceiving him the way I was. We literally went on for YEARS this way- me thinking he didnt care, when in fact, he simply didnt know, and didnt understand. Now, I bring it up and share it, and patiently wait for a reply, then act on that new information.
And, well, I find out that he just meant that no- he didnt care where we went or what we did! I find out that he wanted ME to get to choose this time since he always chose in the past and never gave me a say... he just meant he was going to enjoy this alone time without kids so it didnt matter to him if we went 2 miles 200 miles or across the world & he wanted me to get to decide this time.
That was actually rather sweet of him, but in my mind, I perceived it to be just the opposite. Had I not addressed it, this feeling would have planted another seed of doubt, and then every conversation we have has the potential to water that seed, and every fight or miscommunication we have is like the sun shining on that and giving it root to grow. Pretty soon you feel totally alone, abandoned even, misunderstood, unloved, and.... horribly depressed!

Do you see what I am trying to say with all of this? If I am in control of my thoughts, I am in control of everything! I have that mind-power-- and I will not give it to anyone else. It is not theirs to have. It is mine, and God-given! God gives each of us our own voice, and we just have to find a way to share, and to be heard. And, of course, the idea that is also of most importance to me was learning that my perception was everything!

I dont know if any of this will make any sense to you at all. I hope it does! Oh, how I hope the best for you, from the very bottom of my soul. I think I know how you might be feeling, and it isnt fun to be in that place. I want to encourage you though- that there IS hope, there is a way out! While it takes some effort, and some Dr appts and maybe a change in meds or even just a simple change like getting more sleep, [this is also huge for me! lack of sleep = one cranky mama!] it CAN be done because Im living proof. I still have my moments, but being able to recognize them for what they are, and having the right tools to deal with it is half the battle. Supportive people, family, loved ones in your life will also bring a gret deal of happiness, so do your best to surround yourself with others who lift you up and who are encouraging and steer clear of people who are always complaining, nothing is ever right, etc. [It is amazing how much easier it is to be happy when those around you are not angry or upset or yelling at you all the time!]

Take care my dear, and please know I am willing to be a friend and I am a super listener... would be happy to do anything I can to support you.