(Jokes & Humor) Letter to the Always maxi pad company...

[mickee311]

Even if it's not a real letter, it's still pretty darn funny.....


Supposedly, this is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble from Wendi Aarons,Austin, TX, regarding their feminine products.


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuardCore(tm) or
Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse²?
I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills². Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's t%sticles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period." Are you freaking kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy"
about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t.

And that's a promise I will keep.

Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons Austin, TX

[MrsPinecone]

LOL

I was a little put off by the inspirational messages on the Playtex Sport tampon wrappers, myself.

[junecleaver]

I love it! I can totaly relate.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus

[toppincl]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! That is the funniest response to that asinine marketing campaign I have ever read!!

[didusaysale]

Thanks for sharing. Now that was good, and so true!!!

[Timedess]

too funny!

now, i must say- even though y'all will probably not believe me- most of that horrible cramping, raging, and general achiness actually went away when i switched to cloth. i would be so sore ahem you know where about 3 days in that i could literally not stand still long enough to do dishes! when i switched to cloth, that went away! (of course i still don't stand to do dishes... i have daughters who do that now! lol!)

[MOMOF3]

Thanks so much for the laugh!!!!! I so needed it today! (Husband and 3 kids all sick and throwing up.)

[rp219]

AMEN! Loved it.