Humor for you Snowbound Northerners

[Pinksink]

Having grown up in New York, when I was sent this, I could not help but to laugh. Still do every time I read it. Hope it lightens up your days of endless snow! (warning, there is a little bit of language which has been sort of redacted.)

New Jersey

August 15 - Moved to our new home in northern New Jersey. It's so beautiful here. The lake to the north looks so majestic. I can hardly wait to see it snow covered. I'm going to love it here!

October 14 - Jersey is definitely the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the park and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise, I LOVE IT HERE!!

November 10 - Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous animal. Hope it will snow soon. Those red and orange leaves have covered my yard. Looks like a magnificent multi-colored carpet. HOW BEAUTIFUL!!! Raking and cleaning up the yard will be an opportunity for invigorating exercise in the cool crisp air.

November 15 - Ah, more leaves and more exercise.

November 18 - Jeeeeze, still more leaves. Guess it's best to wait until they've all fallen before I rake again.

November 25 - Finally, all of the trees lost their leaves and with today's final raking it's over for this season. Chiropractor suggested I use a lawn maintenance service next year. Only four blisters became infected. Should probably remember to use gloves.

November 30 - What the f***? Where did all of those leaves come from? Had a little wind last night and the lawn is covered again. Oh well, they'll just have to wait until Spring.

December 12 - It snowed last night.....FINALLY!!!! Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. I just love it! We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. Had a snowball fight (I won).When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the end of the driveway again.

December 14 - More snow last night, I love it. It is so beautiful!!! The snow plow did his trick to the driveway again.

December 19 - More snow again last night. Can't get out of the driveway. Can't to get to work. I'm exhausted from shoveling!! F****** snowplow!!!

December 22 - More of that white sh#t fell again last night. As if dealing with the leaves weren't bad enough, now I've got blisters all over my hands from shoveling. Must remember to wear gloves. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm finished shoveling the driveway. The a*#hole!!!!

December 25 - Merry Christmas!!!! More friggin' snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-***** who drives the snowplow, I swear I'll kill the *******. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f****** ice!

December 27 - More white sh#t last night. Have been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after that plow goes through every time. Gloves got wet and then froze on my hands. Doctor said it was just a mild case of frost bite, and disfiguration is probably only temporary. Can't go anywhere, car is stuck in a mountain of white sh#t. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the sh#t tonight! Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

December 28 - The f****** weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white sh#t! At this rate it won't melt 'til summer.
The plow got stuck up the road and the ******* came to the door and asked to borrow a shovel. After I told him I'd already broken six of them shoveling all the sh#t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one on his f****** head.

January 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back I hit a deer that ran in front of my car. Did about $3000 damage. Damn beast should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting out from all the f****** salt they put all over the roads.

May 10 - Moved to Boca Raton Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that god-forsaken state of New Jersey.

[MaMaHaHa]

FUNNY!!!! Snow---pretty to look at---on TV or on a Christmas Card...but not out my front door!

Another reason to live in the South!

[tinkinpink84]

Lol , Im waiting for my sister to start sayign those last parts. They just moved to watertown ny. She kept going on about how much she loves the snow and doesnt miss georgia. Now shes wondering if it will ever stop and how they are suppose to get their uhaul out of the driveway.

[queenofthehivemomof5]

LOL funny. I copied and edited a bit for Wyoming

Wyoming

August 15 - Moved to our new home in Wyoming. It's so beautiful here. The lake to the north looks so majestic. I can hardly wait to see it snow covered. I'm going to love it here! It is starting to feel like Autumn already, I cannot wait!

August 18 - Wyoming is definitely the most beautiful place on earth. I saw a few leaves on some trees around town have already started turning yellow. Before long they will be beautiful and orange and red! Went for a ride around town and saw some antelope. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise, I LOVE IT HERE!!

August 31 - It snowed last night, 6 inches of wet snow. The heft of all that snow on top of the leaves in the trees left us with 6 broken branches on our trees. One of the branches landed on my car. Luckily no damage because the snow on the car broke the fall.

September 1 - The snow froze off all the leaves on the trees, they never even got a chance to turn pretty colors. Now the leaves are just an ugly olive green and are falling off the tree in big clumps. What a mess, slick wet leaves and snow!

September 3 - It's the weekend, we called a tree service to come and take care of the 6 broken branches. We lost half of our tree it looks like. Thankfully the snow has melted so we can rake up all of those wet, slimly olive green leaves out of the yard before it snows again and kills our grass. Cost us $200 to have the tree taken care of. We could have gotten free firewood out of the deal but alas we don't have a fireplace! How can we have lived in California and every house we had there had a fireplace but now we live in Wyoming and no fireplace?

September 15 - Heard on the radio that another storm was blowing in so I spent most of the day tracking down ice melt, shovels and the kids snowpants. Went to Walmart and they were sold out of gloves go figure.

September 16 - It snowed last night.....AGAIN!!!! Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. This time it is not so bad since the last storm knocked off all the leave and half of our branches. It looks like a postcard. I just love it! We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. Had a snowball fight (I won).When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the end of the driveway again.

October 1 - More snow last night, I love it. It is so beautiful!!! The snow plow did his trick to the driveway again.

October 5 - More snow again last night. Can't get out of the driveway. Can't to get to work. I'm exhausted from shoveling!! F****** snowplow!!!

October 15 - More of that white sh#t fell again last night. As if dealing with the leaves weren't bad enough, now I've got blisters all over my hands from shoveling. Must remember to wear gloves. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm finished shoveling the driveway. The a*#hole!!!!

October 31- Happy Halloween!!!! The kids are all going as the Michelin Man for Halloween since that is the only costume I could think up to go with their snow suits. More friggin' snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-***** who drives the snowplow, I swear I'll kill the *******. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f****** ice!

November 8 - More white sh#t last night. Have been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after that plow goes through every time. Gloves got wet and then froze on my hands. Doctor said it was just a mild case of frost bite, and disfiguration is probably only temporary. Can't go anywhere, car is stuck in a mountain of white sh#t. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the sh#t tonight! Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

November 15 - The f****** weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white sh#t! At this rate it won't melt 'til summer.
The plow got stuck up the road and the ******* came to the door and asked to borrow a shovel. After I told him I'd already broken six of them shoveling all the sh#t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one on his f****** head.

November 20 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back I hit a antelope that ran in front of my car. Did about $3000 damage. Damn beast should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 30 - Memorial Day weekend, we can finally put away the snow gear and start enjoying some summer weather. The tulips and daffodils are out in full force in the garden. It looks so pretty!

June 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting out from all the f****** salt they put all over the roads.

June 5 - It snowed again today. Killed all of my tulips and daffodils.

June 15 - Moved back to California. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that god-forsaken state of Wyoming.

[CW&M Mom]

I love the New Jersey one!

and AMEN to the Wyoming one. I lived in Utah for nearly all of my life..and that is exactly what it's like!!!!

[sbp]

Dh and I have a name for that blasted snow plow driver dude that plows in the end of our driveway. Actually we have 2 names for him... that *%@=(*$&##& for when the kids are out of earshot and that Dirty Dog when they are in earshot. ROFL

The kids will tell me ' Mom, that dirty dog just went by again!'

[Pinksink]

Love the Wyoming alterations! I love the cold and winter, but do not think I could do it for that long a stretch! Bless you guys!!!

Love the dirty dog! Kids are great aren't they!

[momof2inohio]

Too Funny!!! I woke up to ice again. Tired of chipping ice off of my windshield. Only 2 more days until we go to sunny Florida for vacation and I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!

[bali1228]

That describes what happened to us when we moved from Florida, to NH in August...loved it. Then we were hit with the worst winter in 100 years, and the ice storm that knocked the power out for a week. We had snow from the last week in October (I believe) to Easter Sunday...we moved to RI lol. Oh, and my name for the plow driver? Brother

[tiplernorth]

good one for Wisconsin or the U.P

TY