3 and a half yr olds .. whats "normal behavoir'?

[Macaela25]

Smee, you are cracking me up. Boy...Girl...Avatar...I am imagining your refrigerator with a plain jug in it labeled MILK....a package labeled COOKIES...like in the movie Dick Tracy.

[everprincess]

I accept your apology. Those who can't keep up in a fair, openminded adult discussion don't usually last long in debates around here. Basic rule - if you can't back it up and you don't want to be called out on it - don't post it.

You'll have to excuse us if we don't believe EVERYTHING we read on a message board.

Exactly. We all have posters that we all love but sometimes we don't agree on things and that's okay.

[mom2ollie]

well i am not even going to touch the potty training debate but i have some thoughts/experience that may help on the screaming.

Background: I have two boys who are 5.5 and 2.5. My 5.5 year old is one appointment away from an autism spectrum diagnosis. I backed out of getting the "official" diagnosis last year but we have an appointment to do it in September. He has a very tough time self-regulating ie even though he knows he is not supposed to scream and that he will get a time out for it he still has a tough time stopping himself. Conversely often when he is trying to ask for something he mumbles, looks down and talks so quietly is is difficult to understand him. To work on this at home we have a chart with different colors on it going from blue at the bottom to red at the top and an arrow I can move up and down. Blue is too quiet, green perfect, yellow and orange are getting a little loud and red is way too loud. Watching me move the arrow in relation to his volume gives my son a visual feedback that helps him regulate his behavior. If my son is running around screaming just to make noise I can set it orange, stop him and show him, give him a warning and offer some quieter/calmer activities ie playdough, puzzles etc. If it stops there great, if not he gets a time out. Often now he just has to see me moving the arrow up and we don't even have to discuss it.

I am not trying to say that the little girl has issues like my son. I think that screaming to hear your own voice or get attention is pretty normal for a three year old who has never been corrected, but if the mom does not want to say no or do time outs maybe a color chart would help her demonstrate for her daughter what acceptable volume would be. I also agree that lowering your voice rather than yelling back is more effective long term. I would not punish for behavior that I was modeling kwim?

Good Luck!