How did you know you were done having kids??

[kschick96]

Dh and are debating on having another child. We have one little boy who will be 1 year next month and are both 50/50 on having another. We are just not sure if we want another. How did you know when your family was complete and having another child was a thing of the past for you?

[Deja Vu]

My DH and I were right where you are once, when I was having a conversation with a woman whose husband works with mine. She was explaining to me that her special needs daughter would only really have her brother after they were gone. Oh boy, did that set me off, what was I thinking? I grew up with a brother, we are very close. He IS the only person I know who would UNCONDITIONALLY save me from ANYTHING, and I the same. It took us two years but my daughter now has a sibling; a brother.

Good luck with your decision!

[loulou3133]

I knew I wanted none or two. I did not want our first to grow up on only child, our neighbor across the street is the same age as DS and an only child. He is very lonely, my son spends a lot of time there and I feel bad, and his parent's say they love it because he has companionship. He gets such a dejected look anytime I tell him DS can't play, at times he almost cries.

DD is almost 3 years to the day younger than DS. When DS was one, having another was not on the radar screen yet. I knew I was not ready yet, I was not ready to share my time with him with another child. I knew he was not ready to share me with another child, I felt he still needed my full attention (please don't take this as I don't think siblings should not be born close together, it happens sometimes by choice, and sometimes not, but we evaluated what we thought was right for us and him)

When DS was almost 2 1/2 DH and I both agreed he and we were ready. He was starting to ask and I felt emotionally ready. So DD was born about 8 months later, she was early... DS Bday 4/06 DD 3/31 and roughly 3 years apart. I love having them both. I love having one of each, I would have been just as happy with two boys.

Sure they have the sibling thing going on from time to time. But DS is a super older brother and she is lucky to have him and vise-versa.

Best of luck, you can always agree "not right now" with the right to revisit later :)

P.S. DS was a surprise 7 years into our marriage. I am so glad I did not end up going the none route!!

[momof2inohio]

Just don't do as we did and then regret it later. We "thought" we were done having kids after our second. Dh got a vasectomy and now 2 years later we really regret it. We may have him get a reversal in a year or so and try for one more.

I grew up as an only child and I always wished I had a sibling. I always knew I at least wanted two children.

[couponlaydee]

I want a BIG family! I have 4 kids. I grew up as an only child, so I was lonely all the time & my parents were overly protective. Now that I'm grown, I wish I had brothers & sisters around. My DH who comes from a family of 7 thinks we're good @ 3. But he says however many I want we can have. He's the best. lol. I got on birth control for the time being (I just had a baby in April), so I'm going to give it 2 years & then have more! I think you'll just "know" when the time is right for you & your DH. Good luck!

[queenofthehivemomof5]

I had always wanted 4 kids. That seemed like a sane number to me. As the oldest of 6 it seemed manageable. However after number 3 my DH and I decided that were were done. The pregnancy was hard, money was tight and I thought I was happy with three. So DH had a vasectomy. One year later and we shocked to find out that were were expecting again, and a few weeks after we found out we found out it was twins...

God obviously did not concur with our plans that were were done at three so gave us 5. After the twins were born I had my tubes tied. I am tired, feeling old (OK I had them at 30..that is not really old but 5 kids age you fast!!) and am done.

[Spanelli8706]

We have two little girls and are debating on more. DD1 was a surprise, as I was on birth control (never missed a pill). After having her, I became even more strict/paranoid with my birth control, so much so that I set a recurring alarm on my phone for the same time every night to take my pill. Didn't work... I got pregnant again-while on the pill- with DD2 nine months later. My kids are 17.5 months apart. When I first found out we were expecting again, I freaked out and thought I wouldn't be able to handle them both when they were so young. But now it is AWESOME. They play sooo well together. I am currently on one of the strongest pills they make and am still having issues with birth control. My DH & are are pretty sure we're done, but not positive. He is 37 and we want to be FINISHED having kids by the time he is 40. So we have 3 yrs to decide. It is crazy at times but totally worth it. If we did have more, we would try for 2 more...for an even number.

And our child bearing was definitely meant to be...Not only was I on birth control, my DH is a cancer survivor...and was told he would NEVER be able to have kids. He went for check-ups every year post treatment and for 8 yrs, they told him it was 100% impossible. One year after we met, 4 weeks after we got engaged, we got pregant. The doctors were amazed.

[aCRaZyCoUpoNgiRl]

I did not have a specific number in mind when we were talking about kids. We had our daughter first and she was such a breeze to raise so 2 years later I had a son....what a change from my daughter. He had colic and cried all the time. I suffered from imsomnia the whole year he was a baby and that was when I decided, no more....

Good luck whatever you decide to do....

[OneHotMomma]

And our child bearing was definitely meant to be...Not only was I on birth control, my DH is a cancer survivor...and was told he would NEVER be able to have kids.

I am too and then we had a little boy. Three years later we had twins! Can you believe that. They told me never and then here we are, with three healthy babies (and healthy mom and dad). I am blessed every day by being with my babies.

OP, I would say that you just kind of know and if you don't know, then you shouldn't do anything permanent until you're sure. This isn't something that you should rush a decision on. It will come to you.

[3timesoccermom]

When I was growing up I NEVER wanted kids. It wasn't that I disliked them, it was more about how I grew up and how we were treated so you can imagine how many laughs friends have had as we ended up with several kids.

Hubs and I lost our first, a full-term baby boy. Afterward, we had 2 daughters and my OB advised no more due to issue with uterus.

Unexpectedly got pregnant again anyway. I was VERY upset and scared, we were completely broke and due to losing the first baby all 3 other pregnancies were extremely stressful - I was terrified the entire time.

Then came our 3rd daughter. Today is her 17th birthday. This child has given us so many laughs, so much joy - she has just been amazing - that I have an incredible amount of guilt for feeling the way I did when I was initially pregnant. I would have missed out on SO much without her in our life. All 3 of our girls have just fulfilled our lives like we never imagined possible.

I should also add that as each child was added, things were easier - not so much the physical work load but knowing what to do, when to do it, you're just wiser and you find a way to make it work.

Of course wanting another and actually having and providing for another are 2 different issues. Kids and raising them is expensive. We have 2 in college now and the birthday girl isn't far from it either.

That said, I know you can't base a decision like that on $$, my point is I think many of us would have more if we could be certain of providing for them in the manner we would like.

So I would almost be inclined to say that unless there are physical or other issues that prevent it, then many women really never are sure and even some that ARE sure at one point can change their feelings over time.

So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm no help because I DON'T KNOW!!! LOL