OMG - Why can't I (we) make up my (our) minds???

[disabledvetswife]

I think I'm going to explode. DH and I agree on one thing: We want to move to a different house, in a different neighborhood.

We have gone back & forth, made decisions, rescinded those decisions about a gazillion times - on exactly where to move.

The major thing we keep deciding and then un-deciding is moving to PA from FL. If money were no issue, we'd definately move to PA. However, the benefits we receive in FL are just too great to give up IMHO.

DH's family is huge - and are all in PA. My family is super small & not very close. We live about 9 miles apart and see each other once in a blue moon.

We had FINALLY decided to move to PA. Reasons: better schools, better area, close to his family (who are super close), seasons, etc. I ordered a homes and land guide. Out of the ENTIRE mag, I dog-eared 2 houses that were remotely in our price range that were not complete dumps (DH is NOT handy and if we moved up there, we would not be able to afford major renovations/upgrades). DH looked at it while on the toilet (I had it on the edge of the tub) and came out all depressed & down.

I do not want to move to an area where we have no family (ie: move to a cheaper area in PA). The main idea was to move to PA to be nearer to family so we can do more things with family.

So, NOW, the decision that was FINALLY made has been rescinded - AGAIN. Reasons:

1. We are exempt from property taxes here (due to DHs disability). We will not be exempt in PA and the area we are looking at is $5k-$6k (don't want to move to a different area as it defeats the purpose of being nearer to his family).

2. The state of FL gives both our kids a complete tuition & fees scholarship to college (again due to DHs disability). PA gives a $500 per semester credit. We, unfortunately, cannot afford to make up the difference (DH cannot work & I am a SAHM). I could go back to work outside the home, but then we add daycare expenses, which takes a HUGE chunk of your paycheck. I've also always wanted to be a SAHM.

3. No LARGE heating bill expenses

4. We can get a newer house, larger house, on acres (something we really want) HERE for the same price as a smaller, older house on a lot THERE.

5. We could afford to send our kids to private school here (since there aren't any great school districts here)

I wish we could just make a decision & STICK with it!!!!!!

[CW&M Mom]

HUGS!!!!

Is there a way...you could afford some kind of small bungalow,timeshare, rental ect....there...but still stay in Florida?

My husband has moved to Arkansas...we love our how in Kansas...I really have no intention of moving, we like the area, we love the schools...and it's even warmer in Arkansas then it is here.

but

we may be looking...as long as DH job becomes permanent...in geting some kind of cabin there...albeit small so I can take the kids down there and visit and stay there sometimes...so basically 2 homes...but with our primary residence being here in kansas.

[disabledvetswife]

HUGS!!!!

Is there a way...you could afford some kind of small bungalow,timeshare, rental ect....there...but still stay in Florida?

My husband has moved to Arkansas...we love our how in Kansas...I really have no intention of moving, we like the area, we love the schools...and it's even warmer in Arkansas then it is here.

but

we may be looking...as long as DH job becomes permanent...in geting some kind of cabin there...albeit small so I can take the kids down there and visit and stay there sometimes...so basically 2 homes...but with our primary residence being here in kansas.

Unfortunately, the area they're in, there are no timeshares or affordable anythings (affordable enough to maintain 2 residences anyway). I looked at rentals & the cheapest for a 2-bedroom was $3,000/mo. They are far enough out in the boonies that there is no "city" close by for cheaper living and the area they are in is not dirt-cheap rural farmland either. I started looking in the Poconos because it is much cheaper there, but it is also about 1.5 hours away, which again, defeats the purpose of being nearer to family.

[CW&M Mom]

ugggg...good crap...that is crazy.

we live far far far from my family...it is so much cheaper to live here...and we will probably never move back because of it.

[434Teresa]

Seems like you may just be better off to stay where you are to me. I have family close by and its not all its cracked up to be LOL. If you have friends where you are now I think I would just stay for it seems like you would be out alot of money to live in PA that you are not having to pay now,plus the moving cost, then if living there is going to make your bedget get tight I just dont think it would be worth the move.

[3timesoccermom]

As someone who is just now paying for college for the first time, that and the other reasons you list are real and valid financial incentives to stay where you are.

Additionally, while his family may be close, after a while you may not appreciate that so much, especially since you come from a family that's NOT close and doesn't do everything together (like mine).

Sometimes it can get stifling and claustrophobic to have family so near because they tend to intrude, you never have any family time for your own little group and more. more, more.

Not trying to be negative - just trying to point out what you may NOT be missing out on by staying where you are.

Also, if I can point out one little thing I have learned.

Many times, these big issues come up and we worry ourselves to death over them, thinking "what if this" or "how would that be?" I have found that most of the time, these things seem to resolve themselves, many times in ways we never dreamed or thought of, then we think back on all that worry and loss of sleep and it was mostly for nothing (except a few more gray hairs). Trust me. Just put this on the back burner for now and it will resolve itself soon enough.

[shelleyf]

I will be praying you make the right decision for your family. I believe you should stay where you are though because of all the huge benefits. Thirteen and a half years ago we moved from Louisiana to Tennessee and left his family there. LOL We talked on the phone every week and missed them. Well they decided to move here about 3 years later. we thought it was great until they drove us crazy calling about every little moan and groan and 5 years ago we moved 25 minutes away. That is not far away but we only see them 1-2 times per YEAR now and they don't call all the time. We told them we were staying out of their "soap opera issues". When we used to get involved "we were the bad guys" when everyone stopped fighting. No way, we don't do it anymore and we are happy. So think about this very hard and pray if you do, and you will know what is right for you.

[puakinikini]

I moved to Phoenix to live near my parents and it was the best decision I ever made. I love having my mom and dad close, and even though I really dislike many things about the city, I do not regret my decision. My kids are able to grow up knowing their grandparents and having them be active in thier lives. Plus, I get the benefit of additional help, that many of my friends do not have.

[Jen1]

I live in PA (guessing closeby to where you are looking since you said you'd be 1 1/2 hrs from Poconos). I am sure there are rentals around for 1k (not 3k/a month). I can look around for you if you'd like. PM me and let me know the exact area to see if its a match. I'd be happy to help should you guys decide to pursue living in PA.

[kval07]

It sounds like you've made the decision. Look at the list of pros and cons you posted. Your answer is to stay where you are at.

We, unfortunately, cannot afford to make up the difference (DH cannot work & I am a SAHM). I could go back to work outside the home, but then we add daycare expenses, which takes a HUGE chunk of your paycheck. I've also always wanted to be a SAHM.

I'm confused by this. If DH can't work, why would you need daycare if you went back to work?

I mean, I guess if you really wanted to move, you'd have to work. We don't always get what we "want."