OMG - Why can't I (we) make up my (our) minds???

[$Saving!]

What helps me make tough decisions is a piece of paper, a line drawn down the middle vertically and on the left is PLUS and on the right is MINUS

Then without emotion, sticking with the factual issues only, write down in each column what is known (cost, schooling, SAHM desires etc)

Do that for each locale. Then walk away.

Go back a day later and look at both lists, it becomes more clear when the emotion is removed and only the facts are presented. hard to do but worth it.

Long term issues like school are very relevant obviously. You have to decide just how much weight to give each factual point.

I wish you luck, the heart wants one thing, the reality stipulates another

[Macaela25]

I agree with a PP who said to put it away and not think about it for awhile.

In my experience, if something is turning you in circles like this, it's not the right time. When it's the right time, things will "fall into place" either here or there.

[disabledvetswife]

It sounds like you've made the decision. Look at the list of pros and cons you posted. Your answer is to stay where you are at.



I'm confused by this. If DH can't work, why would you need daycare if you went back to work?

I mean, I guess if you really wanted to move, you'd have to work. We don't always get what we "want."

He is 100% disabled and his disability prevents him from caring for our children.

[disabledvetswife]

Just to add, this isn't something we've just started considering. We've been back & forth on this for over 5 years now. We didn't move during that time because I was undergoing fertility treatments (and loved my clinic).

Now we are "done" in the baby making department.

Financially speaking, I will explode if we choose to stay here "because" of the college scholarships and the state legislature changes the state constitution sometime in the next 17 years - or if my kids choose NOT to go to college!

As for family: Here (in FL) we have: my dad, my grandma & grandpa & my Uncle. Gma/Gpa are 86, so they won't be here too terribly much longer. My Uncle is always too busy to do anything with family and my Dad might spend 20min per month with us (even if we go to his house). That's just wrong!

DHs family (not that they don't have problems) is like the Norman Rockwell paintings. They are all super close and they all put family first. It's nothing for everyone to go play mini golf or go to the petting zoo at the drop of a hat.

Oh, I could go on and on and on and on - I'm just struggling with feeling materialistic!

[hburnette3]

I may be being to nosy. sorry. but how exactly is your hubby disabled? I know he is a war vet.

say you move and in 17 years DD does go to college can you move back while she in in college to take advantage of the benefits? If so when the times comes you can just get a crappy apartment in FL somewhere and get the free college for DD.

[ladyeeyore7]

I sympathize with you. While my situation was different from yours my decision was similar. My (ex) hubby had moved us to New Mexico. I had a good job, we were looking for a house and I had lots of friends but I was miserable and wanted to go home. I called my mom and talked to her. She said if I was ready she would make it work. She sent my brother and a couple of his friends to drive down there and drive us (plus belongings) back home. My daughter and I lived with my parents until I was able to secure a job and get my own place. While there were times that financially it got pretty scary I don't think I have truly regretted that decision and my daughter has reaped many benefits by growing up with my family. And I will also admit as a previous poster said sometimes family can be smothering and too much!

As far as the financial aspect goes, my ex was a college professor making good money. The house we were going to buy was in a fairly upscale neighborhood. My life would have been rich with things. After our divorce he moved out of the country until he got accepted into medical school so child support was minimal at best. In spite of our rather depressed living situation with the move my daughter says she is glad I made the choice.

Talk to his family about the decision and the problems regarding it and see if they can help with ideas and information.

[queenofthehivemomof5]

We moved to Wyoming to be closer to family (DH's mother and step father). We moved into the same town as them so our kids could have grandparents nearby. They are great people. However, 2 years after we moved they moved 2.5 hours away to another town. That is not too bad however that is a long drive and in the winter not a very fun drive. We go visit them 4-5 times a year and they come visit us about the same. However it is not what I expected. I was really wanting grandparents that could come to choir reticles, school plays, etc. I was wanting grandparents that would take the kids over night or for the evening so DH and I could go out on a date night. I was looking forward to dinner with them every Sunday. The kids being able to ride their bikes over to grandma and grandpas house or stop by for a visit after school. We had that till they moved. Not the end of the world. I still like living where we live. The bonus is the economy is stable and DH has a good job here. We will probably move when the nations economy is a bit more stable. But right now we don't have a valid enough reason to move yet.

That being said in this economy I would be hard pressed to move anywhere if the financial aspects are drastically worse then where you are now. Family is great but if you cannot afford to live there it is kind of a moot point unless the family is going to pay your bills.

On the other hand if you are able to find a place you can afford and it is important to live near family then I don't think there is anything wrong with taking a smaller place and moving closer to family. The house with land will come when and if the time is right. You never know what gem you might find once you are up there tooling around on a country road.

[Pennstater]

What helps me make tough decisions is a piece of paper, a line drawn down the middle vertically and on the left is PLUS and on the right is MINUS

Then without emotion, sticking with the factual issues only, write down in each column what is known (cost, schooling, SAHM desires etc)

Do that for each locale. Then walk away.

Go back a day later and look at both lists, it becomes more clear when the emotion is removed and only the facts are presented. hard to do but worth it.

Long term issues like school are very relevant obviously. You have to decide just how much weight to give each factual point.

I wish you luck, the heart wants one thing, the reality stipulates another

I totally agree with the paper with the line idea.

We were so confused on buying a new house. WE used that idea and one house stood out clearly.