So tired of the whining!!! (kid related)

[dliver316]

Let me preface this by saying my little boy is just 2 1/2 years old....however, I am so so so tired of the constant whining. He is (hopefully) going thru a phase right now where everything he wants or needs he whines to get. Even if he just wants a drink it is in the form of a whine that he asks. I have told him that he will not get what he wants until he can ask without whining and he usually does but then each time he will whine again.
Also, I just dont know how to discipline him effectively. He will not listen the majority of the time. If I tell him no about something he just keeps on doing it no matter the consequence. I have tried time out (which works sometimes), ignoring him (like when he throws a tantrum)...I am just really stressed about it right now. There are a lot of other things going on in my life to contribute to that too right now (my hubbys job included), and I am sure a lot of this acting out has to do with my hubby and I both feeling tense and stressed and he feels that. But I just feel like a horrible mother sometimes...like I cant get control of my child...and the worst part is I worry HE will suffer for it later on.
We were at a consignment sale today and I had to put everything back and leave b/c he was not getting EVERY toy he asked for. I came prepared with snacks and even gave him a toy or two but he was having no part of not getting what he wanted. I'm sure I am to blame for this somewhere down the road, but I dont want him to always act like this and I am worried he will. I know he is just 2 1/2 yo so maybe I just need to suck it up and wait it out....but if there is something else I should be doing I want to know.
Feel free to tell me if you think I am way overeacting or if I am indeed doing something horribly wrong. I feel like an incompentent parent just having to ask for advice...but nobody better to ask than you guys. Thanks for ANY advice..good or bad.

[dliver316]

[3timesoccermom]

You are not an incompetent parent you are just going through one of those temporary rough patches.

He may be whining because he can see or feel it immediately gets your attention. Make sure you do not respond to what he wants when he uses that tone. If he begins to whine, quietly say "I can understand you much better when you speak in your normal voice" or something along those lines.

Another thing to try, and I did this sometimes with my girls - it always broke the tension and we ended up laughing about - is to talk to HIM in a whiny voice once or twice. He'll be stunned and you can ask him if he likes the way you sounded.

Overall, just evaluate your plan of action and make sure you are consistent with your plan. You might also want to google "stopping a child's whining" for some professional's ideas on this too.

Lastly, this will pass, mom. I swear. You are going to blink your eyes a couple of times and be looking at a young man about to leave for college. Trust me.

[dominicsmommy]

Hi!!
I just read this and boy was it a big reminder of my DS!!
This will pass, Dominic was the same way and I too had the same thoughts you are having now!!
I agree with the poster above. One of the ways I dealt with whining was to ignore it sometimes. Or if he whined for something I would calmly say "I am so sorry I can't understand what you said, please try again" Sooner or later he will get that if he asks for something in a normal "Big Boy" voice he may get it.
I also was an ignorer of melt downs, if he had a tantrum I would just leave where ever we where. I remember on time we were at Walmart and he had something in the cart already that he wanted and then he saw something else he wanted. I told him he wasn't getting both he had to choose or they would both go back on the shelf. He had a tantrum and they both went back on the shelf and we left. After a couple times of this happening it lessen a lot!!
Believe me this will pass, just hang in there!! Please also know your not alone...PM me any time you wanna chat!!

[3timesoccermom]

Also, dliver, you aren't going to believe this, but the phrase "stop whining" is a big funny around here and has been for a long time (my girls are 21, 18 and 16). That's probably why your post caught my eye in the first place.

I happened to come across a site a few years ago with quotes from movies and found one from Arnold Schwarzenegger (sp?) saying that and I downloaded the recording. Now when someone gripes or complains (even me!) someone says "stop whining!" I looked for a way to send you the recording on here but the file type is not supported but if you want it via email just PM me with your email. It's hilarious.

[mzbeers]

Oh, I would love that sound bite! I'm going through the same thing right now with my 2 1/2 year old. ARRUGH! It drives me crazy, especially when I have a migraine. I went through it for YEARS with DD1, she is finally behaving much better, and is easier to get along with.....she is 8 years old! It seemed like it took forever, and now I'm going through it again. I hope it doesn't last as long with DD2, I think I just might lose my mind.

It's funny because DD1 will say, did I do that when I was little? When did I stop, was I like 5? I say, no, it's more like when you turned 8......LOL. The whining is getting to her as well.

[3timesoccermom]

mzbeers just send me a PM with your email. I have sent it in an email to one of my daughters before so I know it works.

[taylordvd]

It is just a phase, but when you are stuck in the middle of the phase it is hard to have perspective. I read a book last year that was really good "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Kevin Leman. I really like it. Some of the ideas worked really well with my dd. I agree with the other pps, to just ignore the whining or tell him you can't understand. Eventually he'll get hungry, thirsty, or whatever enough to ask without whining. And if other things are going on in your life, make sure that you, yourself, are not whining to others. (I'm not saying you are.) Kids are SO perceptive.

[motherofmolly]

like you said , your son is probably feeling your stress. some of it is the age too. my 4 year old has been in the whining phase for over a year. in a monotone voice i say "no whining you need to talk to me"...if it is really bad she is made to go sit in the hallway (where she can see no one and no one can see her) til she can talk like a normal person.

you are not a bad mother. you just have alot going on right now. i was getting frustrated with her and getting loud...now that i have calmed down and toned myself down and been constant on correcting her, it has gotten better...and i feel calmer

[puakinikini]

For the whining, if he never gets what he wants when he whines, it will stop. Kids do it because they think it helps their case. If you show them that whining achieves the opposite (less attention, not getting what they want) on a consistent basis, they will stop.

Children are very adept at picking up on stress, and I am sure this is impacting both you and your son's behavior right now. Just like this rough patch will pass, so will the impact of the stress on the way he behaves. When we are under a lot of stress, we can not always be the parent that we want to be, but just do your best to get through this difficult time. It will not help to blame yourself or label yourself as a bad mother. You are doing the best you can given the circumstances. We have all been there many times.

Good luck with stopping the whining.