Need Advice

[cspigner28]

My daughters 8, and 11 have both been diagnosed with ADHD, one is Hyperactive/Impulsive, and the other Inattentive. Well anyhow, we have been having the hardest time lately, especially since the 11 year old (inattentive) who also has dyslexia, and dysgraphia (not even sure what that is) has entered 5th grade. Her teacher has been really rough on her this year, she did great this past year, all As and Bs, and they said she no longer needed her resource, well, since the beginning of this school year, she has really been struggling, grades are dropping majorly, and she has been having awful mood swings. This is a letter she wrote me after a really long frustrating day, with lots of yelling and screaming It just breaks my heart to know she feels this way, and I don't know what to do about it. The first page she refers to herself in 3rd person, and the handwriting looks nothing like her usual handwriting, there is a front and back page.

"Everybody hates Kristie her family hates her Kristie is so stupid she gets strait fs she has no friends even if she did they would only use her she is also the ugliest kid you will ever see I hate Kristie you hate Kristie we all hate kristie this is all true she is not normal at all"

"Moma I'm so so so sorry It's just it's so hard being good and I'll try really hard to be good and its so hard to be normaland its also really hard to be good because of my adhd sometimes I wish I was like everybody else and had no adhd I love you and Im sorry really really sorry"


I really need some advice on this, she just seems to be on the verge of breaking shes always so depressed, mood swings, I want to help her, I just don't know how, we have adjusted her medicine for her a few weeks ago, because she said she couldn't concentrate, and she says its helping, I just need some more suggestions or something. She does have a drs appt tomorrow where Im gonna ask, but their solution is always adjust her medicine. Sorry this is so long, I just would really like some advice and opinions on this. Thanks for listening.

[cndij]

I don't know what meds she is on, but some of those can cause depression in kids and you have to watch them closely. Maybe hers isn't one of those, if they didn't tell you about it. My neice who is 12 is also ADHD inattentive. The Drs wanted her to start adderal 2 years ago, but at the time she only weighed 70 pounds and we were very scared of the weight loss/stunted growth potential. We have had good results with using some nutritional alternatives which seemed to have really helped her with focusing. If you don't already know about this forum, I would recommend adhdnews.com go to the forums section and my favorite area is the alternatives, but there are a lot of people on those boards anywhere who will be glad to help. I am sure you can find someone whose child is taking the very same meds and can tell you more about their experience.

Cindi

[Lmnde]

My son has OCD so I feel for you! You still have one thing going for you there - she is still trying! when they stop trying, it becomes way harder to help them.

Some meds take a long time [up to several weeks] to adjust or readjust. Be sure she is actually taking her meds. Mine often skips - or just to be difficult I guess, puts them in his mouth when I am watching, just to get rid of them afterwards. Support her with appropriate B vitamins and change the way your family eats. The fewer pre-processed meals out of the box or can, the better. Start cooking from scratch again - you will see a notice able difference after a week or two [and you'll feel better too!]. Limit snacks out of the box and both's sugar intake, and switch them to fresh fruits/veggies and natural yoghurts and dairy products for snacks. It has made a world of difference for my son, as long as I stay on top of what he eats and takes his vitamins.

Some serious one-on-one talks [and not just about her problems, overall], will help too. It will teach her that you're there for her about everything and anything. If there are issues of low selfesteem as far as looks are concerned - do have a good objective look at her [or if you still see a little girl instead of a young woman trying to hatch LOL, ask one of your girlfriends to help evaluate her] and help her evaluate herself properly = and then go to take her for a more pleasing hair cut [if needed], help her put together her wardrobe for optimal appearance [sometimes at that age they think they know how to dress well, but really don't], etc. Start her on good skin care and body hygiene [I've noticed a good hot long shower seems to help my son when he is stuck in one of his OCD ruts] and prepare her for changes in her appearance such as potential pimples, acne, hair color/texture changes, and body shape changes. She is also probably going through pre-menstrual/puberty changes [if she isn't cycling yet] and you all know what a bummer that can be! Be supportive and understanding without being a doormat.

[Sherry3388]

I feel for ya girl! And your DD's.

Get a cup of coffee and read below....

First off : "Dysgraphia" is a learning disability resulting from the difficulty in expressing thoughts in writing and graphing. It generally refers to extremely poor handwriting.

Secondly, let me state that I am a nurse and have a son with ADHD.
He will be 18 next month and is a Senior in high school with a "B" average and is currently looking into colleges.
He has a steady girlfriend and is a fairly social butterly.
He is a good kid....no behavioral issues (except about doing his chore, curfew restrictions, etc.....lol.....normal teenage stuff).
he doesn't do drugs or drinking (nor does he want to), he has a very open relationship with me...feels open to discuss anything/everything with me, he has never been arrested or in trouble with the law, he has no negative issues at school, etc. etc.
He excels at his interests - playing guitar, writing music and editing; skateboarding and art.

At this point, I label him as slightly ADD, (no "H" in there anymore...lol).

At no point through the years have I allowed him {or myself} to use ADHD as an excuse to do poorly...
Whether it be academically, socially or behaviorly.
It's a "diagnosis", not a "permission slip"....yanno what I mean?

We recognized from toddler age that he was more hyper, more easily bored and less focused than other kids his age...
but, he wasn't clinically diagnosed until he was in the 3rd grade/8yrs old...
He had a 3 month "in-class" evaluation in school and the results were ...well, hard to take.
His Pediatrician pushed for Adderall or Ritalin...
But, it didn't settle well with me...and after researching, considering possible side effects (including long term) and potential learning deficits meds can cause...etc., etc., etc...
We opted to NOT medicate him.

Every child is different ...as is... every ADHD child is different.
So, I don't assume that "what worked for my child, will work for your child", cuz that's simply an unfair prediction.

I agree with the above poster who made suggestions about improving her self esteem by keeping up with her personal hygiene, personal appearance and considering hormonal imbalances that may be playing a factor.
It's a very fine line to walk when you're trying to decifer "how much of this is ADHD related and how much of this is just normal age progression/growth"?
Ugghh! I soooo struggled with that!
But.....that's when I made my mind up to NEVER allow ADHD to be an "excuse" for ANY issues that we encountered.
I treated my son the same as I did my other children, but did have to be a bit more attentive because he did need extra guidance, structure, schedules, dietary changes, etc....but, instead of "singling him out", I always tried to make any changes.. "family oriented".. so he didn't "feel different"....yanno.

His biggest problems were self esteem and focusing / staying "on task".

I will never forget the 3rd grade teachers descriptive example at a parent teacher conference :
She actually laid out 100 pennies on her desk and pulled two pennies away and said "Here's the ratio of how much your son is actually ON TASK", just two percent {or two pennies}.
WHY she went to THAT extreme is beyond me....perhaps she thought I was ADHD too and needed a visual example.?.?
Whatev!
My response to her was "Ok....so, we needn't waste any more energy on "identifying the problem"...let's focus our energy on "identifying solutions"..."
Cuz I was insulted by her example....

So, the end of 3rd grade was tough....as was 4th grade.
I think the years of "not knowing" seemed easier because "how can we fix what we don't know?"....we just lived day by day and often, hour by hour.
But, after the eval. in 3rd grade....and an educational and pediatrician's diagnosis...things seemed more frustrating to me.
I mean, once you have an actual diagnosis....you assume that there would be an easy fix, right? <wrong!>
So, that amplified the issues for *me*.....not so much my son....but it frustrated *me* more.

Sooooo.........I became a momma on a mission!
I wanted my son to do well and grow with a good self esteem and a true faith in his self worth!

So, I did alot of homework.

*Structure! *Consistency! *Attentiveness! *Affection!
*Consideration! *Patience! *Forgiveness! *Feed her Interests!

Anyway......to make an uberrr long story ....well, not quite so long...
Here's some suggestions that I recently emailed to my friend (another HCW member) per her request...who also has an 8 yr. old ADHD child and has been talking with me over the phone for years about it.

Some of my experiences and treatment plans have helped others and I hope that some of these ideas help you.

ADHD kids are more successful with structure, schedules and consistency.

Is she feeling uggly, sad, depressed ? :
Art therapy is a wonderful way to help boost them up when they are having a bad day!
It's a 'distraction" technique (takes her mind off what is troubling her) and helps lift her spirits. AND...over time, she will learn to develop "coping mechanisms" ....
When she's feeling depressed or frustrated, she can channel that by art.

I mean, who DOESN'T feel great when they've completed a nifty, hands-on project and can hang it on a wall or on the fridge to remember the fun and accomplishment?

Poetry :
What a great stress reliever! BUT - needs to be monitored.
She can channel her feelings through poetry....but if you sense that her poems seem to repeatedly be depressing or sad....
Then, perhaps, you need to change this coping mechanism to another one...(like drawing or crocheting or painting or some other project where she will get an upbeat sense of accomplishment when the project is complete).
By allowing her to repeatedly write and re-read dark, sad, depressing poetry...it can lead her into a dark place, ya know...

Feed her interests!
My son has always loved art, music and skateboarding!
So, I buy him skateboards, take him to skateparks, buy him guitars/amplifiers, allow him to "play and record" with other kids who share the same interest, and do whatever I can to continue to feed AND encourage him.
Even if that tune sounds a lil off key....I say it's great!
Perhaps a lil' white lie, but he ain't a Rock Star....he's my SON.
So, I want him to feel wonderful and happy about his talents!
The rest of the world can be cruel.....so when it comes to me, I will be his personal cheerleader and root for him ALL THE WAY!!
Go Team Cameron!!
So, discover your daughters interests and feed them! She will grow more confident and have faith in herself....if she feels that you have confidence and faith in her.

Here are some things that I tried and had success with ..

AT SCHOOL :

Depression, feeling "different" and/or "ADHD", feeling bullied, feeling inadequate, frustration, etc....all...at some point...BOIL OVER!
Kids often will start to "act out" ..to either get attention or distract from being on-task or cuz they can't stay focused or to retaliate for being treated "differently" or "unfairly" (in their eyes).
So, be prepared for behavioral issues.....they usually start to flare at about 5th-6th grade....
After years of "trying to do their best....but never feeling that they are good enough"....
They get fed up! with trying! And act out.
It's a "normal" phase for ADHD kids....but can be less intense if we "hold their hand" and "remain focused, dedicated, concerned and helpful" through every hour of their days.

1. Remind the teacher that any solution to any issue that may be going on....is often times, only temporary. What "works" this week or this month, may not be as successful next week or next month. It will be an ongoing process as she develops.

2. Ask the teacher to speak up!
At the start of the day : give a brief, verbal, timelined, explanation of the days events :
From 8:30-9:15, we will be working on math
From 9:15-10, we will be working on spelling
etc...

3. Ask the teacher to provide a weekly chart - describing the above - "a visual aide" of sorts and have it displayed in the front of the classroom somewhere...
So, in case your DD forgets what time she will be working on what....she can easily look over at the chart.

TIME : MONDAY....TUESDAY....WEDNESDAY....THURSDAY....FRID AY

8:30-
9:15 : ...MATH.........MATH............MATH.............M ATH..........MATH

9:15-
10:00 :SPELLING....SPELLING.......SPELLING........SPELLIN G......SPELLING
etc.

--This helps in "minimizing frustration and anxiety" because your DD will know what her plans are for her day.
**Our 5th grade teacher STILL does this to this day...and my son is almost 18 now...a SENIOR. His 5th grade teacher said that she saw improvement in ALL of her students soon after she incorporated these 2 actions above. So, she has made it a part of her teaching.


4. The "most appropriate" form of discipline is such that provides a "productive learning result" and personal growth...
Ask the teacher to handle discipline as such :

When/If your DD misbehaves in school (or at home) in any way....instead of "taking away" privelages, items, etc....(which tends to make your DD feel "bullied")
Have the teacher (or you, the parent, if the event happened at home) "add to" ....by having your DD :

A. Apologize (and teach her that an apology means that : she will make a genuine effort to try not to repeat the same mistake again)

B. WRITE! Have her write :

....WHAT SHE DID WRONG (identify the problem)
....WHY SHE THINKS HE DID IT (identify the trigger)
....WHAT CAN SHE DO TO AVOID IT FROM HAPPENING AGAIN (identify a solution)

This teaches her (and YOU!) how to identify the "problems", any "triggers" that may set her off and also teaches her how to develop "solutions" through coping mechanisms/channel her temperment/depression, etc....so as to result in better outcomes with less anxiety, frustration and issues in the future.

5. We don't want our kids to misbehave or end up crying in front of the class...
Incorporate an *Emergency* "Code Phrase" for your DD to use in the event that she is feeling overwhelmed, anxious, angry, about to have an outburst or cry, etc...
The most effective way to NOT allow things to escalate out of control...is to take control in the earliest stages.

So, allow your DD to "identify" when she feels that she might lose it....and allow her to appropriately handle it...

by saying an *Emergency* "Code Phrase" (in a gentle, quiet tone...not to be shouted)...

Such as "Please, can you give me a few minutes to myself, please?"
(Starts with please and ends with please)

And immediately BEFORE and immediately AFTER she says the phrase, she must pause and take a deep breath.
(The deep breathing helps to relax her a bit)

Make the school staff aware of this method you are incorporating and ask them to work with you by allowing her to be able to use the phrase while in school. (Staff to include : her teacher, any aides, lunch ladies, librarian, etc.) Anyone who works directly with your DD should be aware of this *Emergency* "Code Phrase" so your DD will be "responded to" effectively and appropriately when she uses it.

***KEY NOTE : If, at any time, you get the impression that your DD is starting to "over-use" and/or "abuse" this *Emergency* "Code Phrase" ... quickly remind her that it is for emergency only....and if she abuses it, it will not work and you will dismiss the privelage completely.

AT HOME :

1. LISTS! *I can't begin to tell you how much lists help!
Start to incorporate an a.m. list of tasks that your DD has to complete before she leaves for school....
1. Make bed
2. Get Dressed
3. Brush Hair
4. Eat breakfast
5. Brush Teeth
6. Get Bookbag/Homework together
7. Get shoes/coat ready
etc.
As simple as it may be for YOU to remember these tasks...it may be hard for her to remember what all she has to do. And THAT, causes frustration, her feeling dumb, stupid, and overwhelmed.
So, take 5 mins to write out a list and tape it to her bedroom door, or put it on the fridge or wherever! I used to keep a copy on the inside of my sons bedroom door and on the fridge.
You should also try to develop an afternoon list.

My after-school list went like this :
A. Snack time (15mins)
B. Schoolwork time (30mins to 1 hour) - homework, reading, studying, tidying up folders/notebooks, etc.....(cuz kids ARE messy!)
----Even if there is no homework assigned for that day, you MUST stick to the schedule - so it keeps things routine. *Consistency is key!
----She can organize her folders, re-write any spelling words, notes, etc., study for a test, read a book, etc...
C. Chore
D. Bath/Shower (it's better to have kids bathe a couple of hours prior to bedtime...as baths/showers tend to "wake us up")
E. Dinner
F. "your DD" time to do what she wants
G. "Down time" at least 30mins before bed - (I allowed my Cameron to either read or watch TV in his bedroom (while laying in his bed) for 30 mins., then the TV and lights went out and he went to sleep.)

If the lists sound silly to you....give the "Lists" a two week trial....I think you'll be amazed!

2. Dietary Changes! Every kid is different, so this will take some time for you. You should incorporate dietary changes one at a time and allow a couple of weeks to assess whether or not you see improvements. And often, you may not notice any changes, until/unless you add/subtract other food/beverages at the same time. Sometimes it's "combinations" of foods/drinks that trigger the brain neurons...in addition to other factors (everyday stresses, lack of proper sleep, etc.).
**The goal is to try to identify the specific foods/drinks that might affect your DD. So, careful monitoring is needed. Watch her behavior for a few weeks after "taking away" or "introducing" a food.
What makes it so difficult, however, is that ADHD kids behavior is "routinely" variable...so don't always be quick to assume that "this food" must be triggering "this behavioral outburst".....cuz it could be a combination of other factors IN ADDITION to the new food....or she could just be having a bad day. So, stay steady with it....allow weeks to "truly" determine the effects. ok


But, here's a short list of foods that have been known to trigger negative behaviors in ADHD kids :

- Foods/Drinks with high fructose corn syrup (soda pop!)
- Foods/Drinks with atifical colorings or flavorings (look for : "Red 40", "Yellow 5" and "synthetic" on labels)
- Foods/Drinks with chocolate
- Eggs, Milk, Cheese - minimize dairy intake
- Foods/Drinks with wheat
- "Yellow" Fruits & Veggies : Bananas, lemons, corn, beans...and sometimes, even oranges and apple juice

Foods on the Feingold Diet
Foods to Avoid
almonds, apples, apricots, berries (all), cherries, cloves, coffee, cucumbers and pickles, currants, grapes, raisins, nectarines, oranges, peaches, peppers (bell, chili), plums, prunes, tangerines, tea, tomatoes
Avoid all foods containing natural salicylates:
Almonds
Currants
Plums
Prunes
Apples (& cider )
Gooseberrie
Raspberries
Apricots
Grapes (& raisins)
Strawberries
Blackberries
Mint flavors
All tea
Cherries
Nectarines
Tomatoes
Cloves
Oranges
Oil of Wintergreen
Cucumbers (& pickles)
Peaches
Wine (& wine vinegars)
Foods to Introduce
Fruits: cantaloupe, dates, grapefruit, honeydews, kiwis, mangoes, papayas, pears, pineapple, watermelon
Vegetables: bean sprouts, beans (all types), beets, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, celery, kale, lentils, lettuce, mushrooms, onions, peas, potatoes, spinach, squash, sweet potatoes, zucchini

3. CONSISTENCY! You *must* try to remain consistent! "Change" can be a real trigger ....especially in the early stages of trying to help your DD. ALL of these "new" changes will overwhelm her as it is....but once she settles into a routine of knowing what's expected of her each & every day (at school AND at home), she will become more balanced ...and happy. You will notice it within the first week or two. And as she develops (ages), the longer you stick to "routines", "lists", and "schedules", the more balanced she will be. And at the same time progression, she will be developing new coping mechanisms, better temperment, a more balanced personality, a better self esteem, etc. It's stressful on the entire family and school staff to have repeated and unresolved issues.....so to get relief from that, will improve EVERYONE'S everyday life with your DD.

Go Team "your DD" !
4. YOU and your DD. against the world! Affection is key! Huggzz are great if your DD is a hugger. If not, just your hand resting on her back or a few minutes of caressing her hair as you are talking to her....goes a long way. And always try to take some time...think about HOW you word phrases when you speak to your DD. You don't want her to feel that awful sense of being "bullied" (which is a common complaint of ADHD kids...they tend to "give up!" at times cuz they think no matter how hard they try, they will never succeed and no one will ever like them!)...instead of having her feel "inadequate" when you are having to address her weaknesses, try to word it so it doesn't sound accusatory, blaming, like a complaint, or like you are "simply pointing out her flaws".
Try a different approach : Instead of "stating" the obvious...."ask" her questions relating to the topic and allow HER to identify the problem....the trigger...and aide her in figuring out possible solutions.
And when it comes to punishment...
Please....please don't have her "fear you", you would prefer to have her "understand you".
If your DD "truly" feels in her heart that YOU are on "Team "your DD"" no matter what! ...then she will "truly" begin to develop an understanding that your decision making process is ALWAYS in HER best interest. So, when it comes time to enforce rules.....she will (eventually) understand that there are "genuinely good reasons" for the rules...and she will be more obedient/less defiant.

....I have always taught my kids that I make rules for THREE reasons :
- To keep you safe
- To keep you healthy
- To keep you happy

....with the "understanding" that sometimes, the rules to keep you safe, won't always make you happy. And often times, the rules to keep you healthy (eat your spinach!), won't generate big, ole smiles!

BUT.....they always knew that I ALWAYS had their best interest in mind....and as they developed/grew, they learned to trust my judgement and now, as young adults, turn to me for advice repeatedly! So, I must be doing something right!

And ALWAYS .......if you have to tell your children that they "can't go somewhere" or "can't have that" or "can't do that", etc.....please remember to explain WHY. That is very important ....if they know the reasons WHY....they will learn to trust you MUCH sooner. (As long as you have good reasons WHY...lol!)

If there's anything else I can help you with, please let me know.
I know how desperate a feeling we can get when we feel like "no one gets it!" and/or "nothing will ever make my child feel ok".

Huggzz ~

Sherry

[jonjaktez]

Great post Sherry.

OP, does your dd have an IEP, Individual Education Plan, at school? This is a document that says she requires accomdation for her education. You need to check on that, if she don't have one.

The reason why I ask if she has one is becuase Sherry has great advice about school but I'm concerned that some of the teachers or the school may not be very willing to do what is asked to asssit your dd. My ds's 2nd grade teacher would not listen to one thing I told her that would help my ds. I complained about the teacher but of course the teacher was innoncent. It was the most horrible year of his school life.

After we got the IEP and ran into another teacher like her, I just pull the IEP card and that shuts them up rather quickly and ds gets waht he needs and only what he needs.

My point is please take Sherry's advice and do what you can to impliment the ideas at home and at school but also realize that it may not be a smooth road.

Good Luck and I hope everything works out great for your sweet little girls.

[NIGHTB1022]

Okay, I have dealt with a little bit of this, so here is what I would recommend to you and please don't be upset because some it is going to seem shocking to you at first, but there are some deep seated problems going on here that need to be addressed immediately, not by an MD, but by a therapist.

This statement to you:

"Everybody hates Kristie her family hates her Kristie is so stupid she gets strait fs she has no friends even if she did they would only use her she is also the ugliest kid you will ever see I hate Kristie you hate Kristie we all hate kristie this is all true she is not normal at all"

She is feeling worthless to herself and to everyone around her, this is a cry for help and you need to address it right away, she is having a very hard time dealing with the diagnosis and feels that she is a huge disappointment to you, her friends, and mostly to herself. She is "self-hating" and feels that she needs to punish herself for having a medical condition. She does not understand it, and does not feel like a normal child.

The following statement:

"Moma I'm so so so sorry It's just it's so hard being good and I'll try really hard to be good and its so hard to be normaland its also really hard to be good because of my adhd sometimes I wish I was like everybody else and had no adhd I love you and Im sorry really really sorry"


She is trying to compensate for being less that "whole" to you, again, the diagnosis is crushing to her self esteem and she is trying apologize for not being what she perceives as a normal child. This is way too huge of an emotional burden for an 11 year old child to try and sort out on her own, and she cannot come to grips with it.

She desperately needs counseling to help overcome this, without, she may be in some serious trouble in the future.

I urge you to get her in to see someone immediately. Good luck and god bless, you do not have an easy task ahead of you, but you will get through it and so will your children, I will pray for her.

[cspigner28]

Sherry, Great Post Thanks so much, I've saved it in my documents so I can go back and look through it when I am needing it again. We do medicate her, and that was actually the problem. She was on Focalin, and I called her dr the next morning, and told her I needed to see them like NOW, well of course she saw her that day, told her what was going on and everything, and she suggested changing her meds. We switched from Focalin to Vyvanse, and it has done miracles!! Kristie feels great about herself, has lost some weight, looks great, playing with more friends etc. Shes basically a new girl, and goes on about how much better she feels. (And goes on about how good she looks now) Which I LOVE!!!

Art therapy: She is an awesome artist!!! She draws better then me actually!! Her art teacher called me the other morning, and wanted her in the Art Club at school (not sure exactly what they do) This was her first week, and she said they learned to use pastels by drawing still life (dish detergent) and filling it in. Her art teacher told me she was the best in the school, and better then a bunch of college students that she taught, That was such a proud moment. Said that drawing just comes naturally to her. I have tons of pictures that she has drawn, shes great and its something that she really loves!!

jonjaktez: We are currently working on getting her an IEP, she had one from 2nd-4th grade, but they dropped her out, said she no longer needed it. (It was for reading, writing and language arts) She is still doing great in them B average, but math has fallen to Fs since then, so I have been bugging and bugging them to put her back in for math, I finally got the paperwork this week, needless to say they got it back the next day. Hopefully I will hear from it Monday

NIGHTB1022: Thankfully that problem has been resolved, it was actually her meds causing it (I had no idea that they could have that effect) I started researching them on my own instead of strictly going by what the dr says (My youngest is on the same meds and it is the only one that works for her, I guess different body chemistry??) Her self esteem is wonderful now, shes confident, taking better care of herself, making all kinds of jokes, she loves joking around now, even if its corny I just have to laugh like its the funniest thing I've ever heard

Thanks everyone for the advice, Sherry your advice was absolutely awesome!! I am saving it to reference on and on!!!

[jonjaktez]

jonjaktez: We are currently working on getting her an IEP, she had one from 2nd-4th grade, but they dropped her out, said she no longer needed it. (It was for reading, writing and language arts) She is still doing great in them B average, but math has fallen to Fs since then, so I have been bugging and bugging them to put her back in for math, I finally got the paperwork this week, needless to say they got it back the next day. Hopefully I will hear from it Monday

no no no no no no

I don't know all the ins and out of an IEP because I've had the best of "luck". When ds got in school we had the easiest time with the school. They assisted us like nobodies business. We ddin't have to fight or anything.

When you get the IEP, get it no matter what and DO NOT let them drop it EVER AGAIN. It can follow her thru college. I can't tell you all about it because all about because our schools asssits us with it but but find out everything you can. Even if she don't need it, it's there for her when she does. I think it's federal law, School's have to do everything to educate everything kid.

I'll post more later. I've got to go to a class today. Yuck an extra class on Saturday!!

[Sherry3388]

Awwwe! I'm such a wuss....I'm teeeerin up over here!
That's such good news!! I'm sooo happy for you and your DD!!!
And you're most welcome! I'm glad I can help....

I soooooooo knowwww that helpless, desperate feeling that you were feeling...
"How can help my child? I'll do whatever it takes...someone please tell me HOW??"

I was never too proud....and have cried many a tear in front of teachers, guidance councelors, principals, therapists....
I never went long "wondering how to fix this"....
I'mma pretty smart gal (or so I like to think ...lol), but if I couldn't come to a solution/resolution within a comfortable time frame....I would exhaust every resource I could think of and talk to anyone that would listen!
I wanted input, input, input!
{Keeping in mind that, I would ONLY respect the advice from people I found to be respectable}

One of the hardest parts for you.....(and teachers/staff, etc.)....is accepting that :

...any solution to any issue that may be going on....is often times, only temporary. What "works" this week or this month, may not be as successful next week or next month. It will be an ongoing process as she develops.

Always keep that in mind. It gets hard at times...
Cuz your DD may be fine for two weeks or a month and then *wham!* ....she'll fall into a rutt.,,,and you'll be scratchin your head wonder why? and having to figure out how to "fix this issue"...
Especially in the teen years....oh my!
But, if you absolutely make her feel comfortable with you....she will feel comfortable talking to you...
Even about the not so perdy stuff...
We have all gone through the tough teen years and had that ONE day at school where something embarrassing happened and we NEVER wanted to go to school again! lol
But, with your DD's....it may be a little tougher to deal with emotional "trauma's" (for lack of a better word).

And as for the school issues...
I was kinda labelled "Power Mom"...."not to be messed with"...
{which I find rather funny, cuz I'm a 5'3, petite lil blonde who doesn't look intimidating AT ALL! LOLOL!!}
But.....There wasn't ONE day when I allowed ANY school staff member "disregard" my child's needs.
I'm one of those moms who *did* go sit in the classroom (un-announced)...to monitor the staff and other students...as well as my own lil student. {I did this thru elementary up to 11th grade.}

They wanted to take him out the Main Stream education in the 6th grade and put him into Special Ed classes....strictly because of behavioral issues, not AT ALL because of academic performance.
I about flipped my noggin on 'em! OOooo! I was soo mad!!
Had a meeting with the Superintendant, principal and teacher...and I walked outta that meeting with my son STILL in mainstream ed. and with a sense that those 3 adults in that room will NEVER try this with me again....and....they never did.
I am no dummy...and I will never allow anyone to rob my son of getting the BEST education he can get.
He had a higher IQ than most of his classmates, maintained an "A" average and completed all of his work...
There was NO way that I was going to allow them to do that to my child!
I am not AT ALL opposed to Special Ed....I think it's a wonderful program...BUT, for kids who struggle academically. And my son didn't fit that.
It seemed to me that the teacher just didn't want to deal with some, off task, distractive kid who requires extra attention.
So, I set her in her place and told her straight out!
You *DO* your job and you *DO IT* with a smile or you *GET OUT* of the educational field!
I did the "hard work"......I was the one coming up with the strategies and gameplans on how to deal with every current issue with my son...
All she had to do was listen to me explain what I was doing, how it was working and assist me by implementing it in the classroom.
Kinda like saying "take a left at the light"....and it was too much for her.
If she can't follow instruction, how da heck can she teach it?
WE ALL LEAD BY EXAMPLE.....doh!

Anyway......{those memories are makin my blood pressure rise...lol}..

It's gunna be a long, long road hun....
And alot of work....


I want to share one lil "off-topic", but relevant tidbit...
As I mentioned, I am a nurse...
And back in 1999, I was coerced {by my peers...lol} into particpating in a nationwide nursing contest...{which, I thought I had NO chance of EVER winning!}...
I had to come up with a catch phrase and diagram for the Nursing Pin of that Year...(each year, the nursing association makes and sends out pins, posters, etc.)...
Anyhooo...
The lil quote that immediately jumped in mind after I asked myself :
What do I think of nursing and how would I summarize it as a career?

I wrote :
Nursing is a career not measured in years, but in little moments.

Cuz often times, it's those "lil moments" we will remember for the rest of our lives....not the "years"....
Yanno what I mean?

And that's how I view parenting too....
The "years" may be tough....but it's those "lil moments" that make it sooo, sooooo worthwhile and rewarding!

When I look at my son (now a young man) and think of how hard life was for him at one time....versus....the happy-go-lucky man he's become...
I get all teary-eyed sometimes.

Like I said, we never opted to put him on meds....
My research, education and experience ...and my gutt....told me that we'd be able to handle this without chemicals.

And by diet & behavioral management....
Along with complete dedication, structure, guidance, affection, compromises, understanding, etc...
Things turned out alright for us.
We're a success story!

I hope you will be one too!

If you ever need any more advice (for issues that come up.....cuz they will!)...
Feel free to PM me.

BUG HUGGGZZZ to you and your sweet DD's!

Sherry

Sherry, Great Post Thanks so much, I've saved it in my documents so I can go back and look through it when I am needing it again. We do medicate her, and that was actually the problem. She was on Focalin, and I called her dr the next morning, and told her I needed to see them like NOW, well of course she saw her that day, told her what was going on and everything, and she suggested changing her meds. We switched from Focalin to Vyvanse, and it has done miracles!! Kristie feels great about herself, has lost some weight, looks great, playing with more friends etc. Shes basically a new girl, and goes on about how much better she feels. (And goes on about how good she looks now) Which I LOVE!!!

Art therapy: She is an awesome artist!!! She draws better then me actually!! Her art teacher called me the other morning, and wanted her in the Art Club at school (not sure exactly what they do) This was her first week, and she said they learned to use pastels by drawing still life (dish detergent) and filling it in. Her art teacher told me she was the best in the school, and better then a bunch of college students that she taught, That was such a proud moment. Said that drawing just comes naturally to her. I have tons of pictures that she has drawn, shes great and its something that she really loves!!

jonjaktez: We are currently working on getting her an IEP, she had one from 2nd-4th grade, but they dropped her out, said she no longer needed it. (It was for reading, writing and language arts) She is still doing great in them B average, but math has fallen to Fs since then, so I have been bugging and bugging them to put her back in for math, I finally got the paperwork this week, needless to say they got it back the next day. Hopefully I will hear from it Monday

NIGHTB1022: Thankfully that problem has been resolved, it was actually her meds causing it (I had no idea that they could have that effect) I started researching them on my own instead of strictly going by what the dr says (My youngest is on the same meds and it is the only one that works for her, I guess different body chemistry??) Her self esteem is wonderful now, shes confident, taking better care of herself, making all kinds of jokes, she loves joking around now, even if its corny I just have to laugh like its the funniest thing I've ever heard

Thanks everyone for the advice, Sherry your advice was absolutely awesome!! I am saving it to reference on and on!!!

[cspigner28]

When you get the IEP, get it no matter what and DO NOT let them drop it EVER AGAIN. It can follow her thru college. I can't tell you all about it because all about because our schools asssits us with it but but find out everything you can. Even if she don't need it, it's there for her when she does. I think it's federal law, School's have to do everything to educate everything kid.

I had no idea that I even had an option in this, the guidance counsler and school psychologist both told me that her IEP was only for 3 years, and that she no longer qualified for it, and there was no way to keep her in the program, I fought with them almost a complete year, literally, to get her in, and then as soon as she starts doing well they drop her like a hot potato, I really don't know who else to go to (this was coming from the dist office, and the school) Now, I have been trying to get her back in since Oct. and just now getting the papers. I actually feel really stupid now. I have been going constantly talking to this person, that person, I'm to the point of not knowing what to do about anything, just since November, both of my girls were dropped from medicaid, given an hmo program, that hardly no one accepts, who doesn't cover anything that doesn't have a generic (They will not cover Vyvanse, which she did so great on) she actually asks me everyday if she can get her medicine again, has such a hard time concentrating without it, I feel like I'm fighting the world and losing the battle, everyone has been talking to me like I'm the stupidest person in the world, it is just so frustrating to feel like theres no one in your corner, I feel like its my family against the world sometimes (Well lately all of the time) It is unreal to make it so hard to get any extra help. You would think the schools would jump over backwards to help you get your child the help they need if they are struggling, but they fight you every step of the way (Or maybe thats just my sorry town, not sure I've never been out of this sorry town, which I am really beginning to hate) But thats a whole nother story
Thanks for listening, advice, and letting me vent here!!