my depression is eating me alive

[mama22qts]

Wow, schwoom, what an incredible post. You're a heck of a woman!

OP, I hope you're doing much better. You were a mainstay here for a while and you've been MIA-- I hope you come back soon.

[billig]

Your answer:
"I'm crying for all the time I wasted being with you"

Schwoonsmom hit it right on the nail. Turn away from him and face your new life. Get your place the way you want it...peaceful. Make it your home. Nest. Get some of your favorite food, turn on your favorite music and DANCE DANCE DANCE!!! Dance all over your house.

And accept your pain...don't think there's something wrong with you. You're grieving the end of that relationship. If you're able to do something physical, to really get it out of you, I suggest that.

And where the heck are your girlfriends? If there's any friends that you split away from because of the bum you were with go re-connect with them. You need to go out and really spread the crap on that guy...get it all out of you.

[Cin42382]

You are much better off, and I can almost guarantee that a lot of your depression was caused or at least intensified by this abusive relationship.

[Viv]

my heart goes out to you. Good for you for getting yourself and your child out of that situation. As a licensed counselor I can tell you that change is ifficult but keep plugging away. Also some professional help with your depression and entire situation is advisable. Most county's have a "free or sliding-scale payment plan" at the mental health center. All of us oul benefit from counseling at some time in our lives and with the holidays approaching it's a very frequent occurance to feel depressed. And with your situation and the holidays that's a double whammy. Call your local mental health number and they can advise you on the availability of their programs. LMK if I can help

[missmitz]

You are NOT a bad mom. You are the BEST MOM for getting your baby out of that situation. As for the pain...... yep, it stinks. The sad truth is that most of us have gone or will go thru pain in our life that feels like you are pulling out our innerds.

I don't know your religious beliefs but I PROMISE you.... the very best thing you can do is get on your knees and talk to God. I do literally mean get on your knees. Get down and show God you are broken and need him to help you rebuild.

DD and I will add your needs to our "night nights"..that is what she calls prayer.

[cewa3]

I do have a recommendation: start now in building and investing into yourself! It's so easy for us to look to others for affirmation, attention and confirmation that we are of value. Now, it's time to find the strength to give those things to yourself. The best way to do that is to get a healthy emotional perspective on life by becoming educated! I don't mean college, although that's a great pursuit, I just mean by pursuing an understanding of yourself and your responses to ....everything! Read "The Dance of Anger" and "Boundaries" to start. Then, anything by Dr. Laura is good for a boost in the area of facing life with strength and purpose. There's so much out there to learn and knowledge is the key to freedom from depression!! Well, that and physical movement. Just a bit of exercise will change the chemistry in your brain to improve your mood immediately! All the best to you and your beautiful child. He/she deserves a happy Mom and you can make that happen. Hugs and comfort to you and Merry Christmas.

[loladooder99]

I have been and sometimes still get depressed on a daily basis. Guilt and being hopeless is just one of the things that come along with being depressed. Maybe you need to go talk to a doctor. If you don't want to all i can do is give you my opinion. When a relationship ends it is always hard even if it was a bad one or one where you knew you weren't in love. You gotta do things that make you happy to keep your mind off the stress of the recent event. You owe it to yourself to be happy. Life is so short and you should tell yourself that everyday is worth living and always look on the bright side. I know when I'm depressed I have the tendency to always look at things negatively. Focus on the good, take time for yourself and find someone to talk to who will be there for you in real life. I hope everything works out for you and that your life turns for the better.