How could you leave us like this?

[cpaige]

My friends and I were given horrible news today. A dear friend of ours took his own life this week. If that wasn't bad enough, it turns out that he had been planning this since March/April. He made all the provisions, down to letters to be mailed out.

I am devastated by this. It has rocked me body and soul. It has taken the wind out of me and the joy from my heart. I'm so utterly numb and angry at him for this. I look like I went rounds w/ Mike Tyson and can't wait to see how my eyes are in the morning. My head feels like a jack hammer has taken residence in my head and I wouldn't be able to smell the town dump if I was standing on it right now. I'm a mess.

He planned this. Made funeral provisions and it's prepaid. HE KNEW for months. How could he do this to all that loved him?

I'm so angry at him for doing this. He never showed not the slightest inkling of the ''signs''. Not a single one. He was too smart for that. He was more than an intelligent man. He was a brilliant man with tons of friends who loved and adored him. He worked his butt off to raise money for charities. Spoke his mind on anything and everything, and made you use your brain in order to have a conversation with him.

I can't grasp that my son's 2nd birthday is now officially the last time all 10 of us are to be fully together. We were all here. The whole crew. Now that crew is missing a very important man.

Our friends have to tell their children why they won't see him next week. He was at my baby shower for my son, his 1st and 2nd birthday and now he will never get to see him grow up.

I lost someone 3 years ago to suicide and I can't believe I am going through this again.

Everyone is telling him to Rest in Peace and I refuse to say it because he isn't supposed to be gone. He's supposed to be here, correcting our spelling mistakes, arguing politics, picking on religions. He's supposed to be here. With us. With his family. With his friends.

[metalmama1]

:(

[cheynesnana]

Love you honey!

[Nani22305]

Hugs to you! So sorry this is happening. Maybe no one ever took the time to actual,y see what was going on with him. It could have been something he was going through for years and never could resolve, there is many reasons. No one deserves to pass away, this was a choice he made and only he knows the reason.
Again, so sorry for your loss. He is in a better world now.
You will get to see him again one day. As long as his memory is here he will be around forever.
If you need a friend, you can always pm me. And I will give you my number,
Hugs to you and your friends.

[lovelace]

I am so sorry for your lost.

[cpaige]

Love you honey!

I love you too! thank you

Hugs to you! So sorry this is happening. Maybe no one ever took the time to actual,y see what was going on with him. It could have been something he was going through for years and never could resolve, there is many reasons. No one deserves to pass away, this was a choice he made and only he knows the reason.
Again, so sorry for your loss. He is in a better world now.
You will get to see him again one day. As long as his memory is here he will be around forever.
If you need a friend, you can always pm me. And I will give you my number,
Hugs to you and your friends.

Thank you. He would never talk to us about himself. Never. Not even to those that have known him since HS. And trust me....that was a long time ago for him!

I'm so angry at him for making this choice. He made this choice for himself, but it's all of us that have to live with the consequences of it. I don't want to read a letter from him. I can't. I feel so empty knowing he isn't here anymore. I want to tell him that. I want to shake him. This was such a selfish thing to do and he was the least selfish person I've ever known. <---that's why we can't grasp this. We can't understand this.

[shelleyf]

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. We have known 10 people commit suicide over the years and it isn't easy. He must have been very depressed and felt he wasn't strong enough to ask for help. I can't imagine the pain you are going through which feels worse since it was planned in advance. I pray comfort and peace will come to you in time. I feel so badly for you and your family and friends that loved him. Did he have children and a wife?

[cpaige]

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. We have known 10 people commit suicide over the years and it isn't easy. He must have been very depressed and felt he wasn't strong enough to ask for help. I can't imagine the pain you are going through which feels worse since it was planned in advance. I pray comfort and peace will come to you in time. I feel so badly for you and your family and friends that loved him. Did he have children and a wife?

No children, no wife. Sister and a niece (or 2, I can't remember right now) and his mom. The only help he ever took was 2x that I know of. 1. for stocking him up for his 'non holiday, holiday party' (which I did and it cost him a whopping $15.00 for everything) and 2. for my son's b'day party, he needed a ride (gas is $$ and he was no longer getting his unemployment). YET, he didn't actually ask for it, now that I think about it. I offered to help w/ the party food and all that jazz and for the other, I got him a ride w/o his asking me to do so. He never asked for help for anything.

I feel like when I go to sleep, this nightmare is just going to be all too real tmw. I don't want to go to bed, yet I'm exhausted and should.

I'm going to my parents house tmw as I don't really want to be alone. I'm no good to bug right now, and I feel horrible about that. I need my parents and I think my mom needs her Bugger. My mom knew him as well as did my sister. My whole family is in shock. My bf is upset as he knew him for over 15 years. it's just unfathomable for us all.

[kimandkathess]

I know this is a very difficult situation. My father "left us" when I was only 11 years old the same exact way. It took me a very long time to understand, and even today, 17 years later, it can still hurt, but not as it had in the beginning, especially with me being just a child, but people are very messed up inside when this happens. I for the life of me thought my father had not loved me because he left me, but I know deep down in side he did, and that he thought that he was doing what was best for everyone. Peoples minds are distorted and messed up durring these times....
It will get better, I promise.

[cpaige]

I know this is a very difficult situation. My father "left us" when I was only 11 years old the same exact way. It took me a very long time to understand, and even today, 17 years later, it can still hurt, but not as it had in the beginning, especially with me being just a child, but people are very messed up inside when this happens. I for the life of me thought my father had not loved me because he left me, but I know deep down in side he did, and that he thought that he was doing what was best for everyone. Peoples minds are distorted and messed up durring these times....
It will get better, I promise.

I'm still heartbroken over the suicide of my friend from 3 years ago. I sure hope this gets better, b/c this hurts.