Men Ugghhh! Need other women's opinions.

[abond0017]

Ok, I need advice on what you gals would do in situations I find myself in too often.

I was walking through our neighborhood, and had 2 men gawk and call out at me. I absolutely cannot stand that type of behavior...so I would love to tell them off, BUT I also know I have to be careful and not piss the wrong person off when I (a petite and fairly defenseless woman) am walking alone.

I usually acknowledge them with a glance or a quick awkward smile ONLY ( I don't say anything), then look away quickly and keep moving. My logic is that they will know I heard them, see that I am not interested and keep moving. I feel if I ignore them they may call at me longer or follow me thinking I didn't hear them, or get mad cause "I'm being a stuck up bi@*h" (which has happened).

Usually this tactic works, but this time with one of the guys it didn't. One of the men was driving by on a scooter and actually at first left me alone and drove off, so I thought all was good. But after he drove away, he stopped and waited for me two blocks down the road! My first thoughts were, who does that? What kind of illogical thought processes were going on in his head where that didn't seem creepy?!?! Especially since he had to be about 40 years old, and am in my 20's...and especially since I showed NO interest the first time.

Thankfully, nothing came of it, and he went away after I TOLD him I wasn't interested. But IMO if you display bizarre behavior like that, you could be dangerous, and that is how I saw him...as a threat. I walk these streets often by myself and don't need to feel like someone has taken or might take an unhealthy interest in me.

Ok, so my question is...what should I be doing/saying when these men call out at me. What do you guys do when it happens to you? And what would you have done if someone kind of stalked you down the road?

[annielaurie_us]

I would go to your local police department and talk to them about it. These days you can never be to safe or even let your guard down. You don't know what is on someone mind. My talking to the police you have on record that there has been a problem and if anything else happens that makes you uncomfortable they can see that there is a pattern of there behavior.

[434Teresa]

I would be very scared of the man on that stopped and waitted on you two block down. That seems like he was not wanting some to see you talking to him or him trying to talk you that is.

If you are going to walk that way I think you need to walk with some one to be onthe safe side or maybe just walk else where. You cant trust anyone now days and this person dont seem like someone that is just going to decide to leave you alone to me.

[cpaige]

I've always just given them a quick glance and rolled my eyes at them. That usually shuts them up real fast.

[kschick96]

I've always just given them a quick glance and rolled my eyes at them. That usually shuts them up real fast.

Ditto! Do you have pepper spray or mace that you can carry with you? Also, I'd make sure I had my cell phone with me and if you see someone is trying to yell out to you-call DH, mom, or a friend and tell them what's going on (it may also turn the guy off becuase you are not paying attention to him). If you feel really uncomfortable and feel like you are being followed, I would call the police ASAP.

Do you have a buddy to walk with? That may also make you less of a stalking target.

How sad is it that a woman can not take a simple walk without the fear of being hassled or worse!

[clippyclippy]

Let me guess.... Latin/Hispanic men?
This is very common in Latin countries. I spent many years in Mexico and it's just a part of life. Very annoying, but normal for the men to gawk, whistle, saying who knows what.
I never felt I was in danger, as long as I was in a public place, but it's unnerving for sure.
I totally agree with carrying pepper spray. It will give you peace of mind, and offer effective protection if any of them do step over the line.
And also, the police do need to be aware. This may be normal in other parts of the world, and in fact, you'd be laughed at if you took it to the authorities there, but in this country, you shouldn't have to be fearful of men like that.

[abond0017]

Thanks for the replies.

I didn't think about going to the police cause honestly it happens on pretty much 90% of my walks (except the bizarre scooter man), and I have to walk a lot. This is a walking city...I can't always have someone with me to run errands.

But even though he wasn't the usual cat caller, and even though he did make me very uncomfortable at the time, I truly don't think the guy meant any harm to me after the incident was over...although he easily could have I understand. I think he was just really dumb and didn't see how his actions looked. I live in a transitional neighborhood and there are plenty of "hood" types that just don't know how real men are supposed to act, and unfortunately I believe it is the norm here for this type of behavior (again except for scooter man). But I think maybe he thought he was impressing me with his persistence. IDK

Maybe I should start rolling my eyes. I just don't want to excite any anger in them, maybe I'll try it though. I also like the phone idea.

I am really going to see what is entailed for getting some kind of spray. I know we have to register them with the police headquarters, and that is why I haven't gotten any yet...just seemed like a pain. But this has convinced me that I need to. I can't even begin to imagine how scared I would have been if it had happened at night.

I understand it is a part of living in the city I live in and I try not to be too paranoid about stuff here, but I do understand I have to be on guard. It's weird to be trying to figure out a how to act so I don't make myself a target. I have really never had to think about it anywhere else I have lived.

[abond0017]

Let me guess.... Latin/Hispanic men?
This is very common in Latin countries. I spent many years in Mexico and it's just a part of life. Very annoying, but normal for the men to gawk, whistle, saying who knows what.
I never felt I was in danger, as long as I was in a public place, but it's unnerving for sure.
I totally agree with carrying pepper spray. It will give you peace of mind, and offer effective protection if any of them do step over the line.
And also, the police do need to be aware. This may be normal in other parts of the world, and in fact, you'd be laughed at if you took it to the authorities there, but in this country, you shouldn't have to be fearful of men like that.

No, not many Latinos here. I've been called at by Latinos, and they don't generally persist or anything like the men here do. But now I live in a city and neighborhood full of men that unfortunately looovvvee a bubble butt on a petite white girl.

[clippyclippy]

But now I live in a city and neighborhood full of men that unfortunately looovvvee a bubble butt on a petite white girl.

I was going to suggest taking your dog with you, but he's too cute to intimidate anyone!!

[abond0017]

I was going to suggest taking your dog with you, but he's too cute to intimidate anyone!!

Lol! You got that right. He's a big sissy...all you gotta do is look at him mean and he'll hide behind my legs.