Need suggestions about a mooching neighbor

[dookersmom]

Okay, this is half rant, half plea for help! WWYD? I'm going to condense this down a little because of all the drama involved. Long story short, our neighbor, who is a guy our age that we really like, got a new girlfriend. She's one of those clingy, whiny, trashy girls who always has to be the center of attention, always has some sort of crisis going on, and always feels entitled. We cannot STAND this girl! She lived there for a short time in December (with her HUSBAND and daughter) when she lost her house, and has since left the hubby and moved in with the neighbor guy. In four months, there have been: two "miscarriages" (not sure she was really even pregnant), a car accident (three different stories on how she ended up coming out of the car on the freeway), seizures, her daughter got placed in foster care, a fight with a roommate that caused the second miscarriage (they're still friends, even though the other girl supposedly kicked her in the belly and made her lose a pair of twins), and numerous other ordeals. And this is the SHORT version! Anyhow, this girl has for some reason decided that I'm her new friend, and that this entitles her to all of my stuff. Now, she knows that I'm a coupon shopper, and that I have extras of a lot of stuff. In the last two months, she has come over and "borrowed": detergent, softener, toilet paper, coffee, sugar, eggs, butter, eggs, cereal, asked me to use my WIC card for milk, rides to the store, sandwich bags, trash bags, tea, kool aid, and numerous other things. I'm seriously wishing that I had punched her in the face the first time she came over to borrow my phone. I don't mind helping people, but seriously! This morning, it was coffee. I handed her a quarter-cup measure and the coffee. The kids were all over the place, and I turned my back for just a minute. Instead of taking a single scoop, she filled a two cup container almost to the top! And then, when she saw my face, she tried to keep it beside her, out of my sight line, as she all but ran for my front door! I'm so mad. I have a hard time saying no to people, but it's time. I want to move in self-defense! I don't know what to say to her or her boyfriend, and I really think that she might do something to our cars if we create a stink. (Speaking of which, our apartment reeks of pot most of the time because of them. Fun to explain to a four year old.) Frustration city! We've said things to management, but unless there's some sort of altercation, they really can't do much. So, in fear of having my tires slashed, I've kept my trap shut. SO, if you've made it this far, thanks for "listening" to my rant! I feel a little better being able to vent, at least!

[clippyclippy]

I think in this case, I'd just smile sweetly next time she asks for something and say, "I'm sorry, I don't have any to spare right now." Just become a broken record repeating that every time.

I do note that you need to be very careful not to say something to anger her. So tread carefully.

[lmcconne]

Personally, I would not let her past the front door.

[PHmom]

I think in this case, I'd just smile sweetly next time she asks for something and say, "I'm sorry, I don't have any to spare right now." Just become a broken record repeating that every time.

I do note that you need to be very careful not to say something to anger her. So tread carefully.

This is exactly what I was thinking: "I don't have any to spare" - it's not a lie - you're NOT saying that you don't have xyz, you're just saying (nicely) that you don't have extra to give her b/c it's for you and your family.

Totally agree with clippy on the treading carefully too - I have dealt with this type before and the key is not to give them anything at all they can use against you. Because they will twist and turn it until you look like the most evil person on the planet.

Personally, I would not let her past the front door.

Also, this - combined with above - just stop her at the door with "I don't have any to spare" and never let her in.

You could always say "oh the kids and I are right in the middle of something, this isn't a good time" - again, she doesn't need to know that what you're in the middle of is just watching Spongebob (or whatever)

[IntoTheMystic]

The PP's gave great advice. I'm with them. Just keep telling her very nicely "I don't have any to spare" and follow that up with "Listen, I'm glad you stopped by- do you have $20 I can borrow?" If you keep doing that, she's really unlikely to come back.

[CouponSAHM]

The PP's gave great advice. I'm with them. Just keep telling her very nicely "I don't have any to spare" and follow that up with "Listen, I'm glad you stopped by- do you have $20 I can borrow?" If you keep doing that, she's really unlikely to come back.

I agree with the $20 thing. It has been my experience that drama queens to not like to share a stage. Up to this point I bet you have always been polite and listened to her whine without negative comments. What a perfect audience you have become.
I would start practicing some avoidance and neediness of your own.
If you have the ability to not answer the door and her phone calls then don't. If you can't avoid her then become the drama queen, start rambling about everything in your life, what's going wrong, what you're late for, the hassles of shopping, what your kid did to tick you off, and always ask for money. In this case misery does NOT love company and I bet she will give you a wide berth when she sees you coming.

[motherofmolly]

The PP's gave great advice. I'm with them. Just keep telling her very nicely "I don't have any to spare" and follow that up with "Listen, I'm glad you stopped by- do you have $20 I can borrow?" If you keep doing that, she's really unlikely to come back.

bing bing bing!! we have a winner.

"knock knock"
hello (if you answer, if you can avoid it, dont answer it if it is her). open door enough to see her and say "hi"
(her) do you have some x we can borrow?
(you) sorry I dont have any to spare right now.
(you) in fact, I am glad you are here. I was going to ask if you have $20 dollars I can borrow. little short right now and need to get x (gas, medicine, pay a bill insert at will).
(her) uuuuuuhhhh no. got to go. thanks.

DO NOT let her in the house. then you are stuck. you will be polite the entire time. more than likely, you will only need to do this once.

[3timesoccermom]

You are right! It's time for you to learn to say no, NOW. Think about it - isn't it ridiculous for you to even half-seriously consider moving because you'd rather not say no?

People that find it difficult to say no feel that way because they think it's rude but it can be said very nicely. (I know all this because Hubs used to be the same way and in some ways still is although he's gotten better.) Say it, say it without guilt, smile and move on.

You owe no one a "yes."

[fungirl2727]

She seems like a nut ball!

[Macaela25]

The $20 thing sounds great. $20 her to death :).