At my wits end with my 18 yr old daughter and her new baby. Warning kinda long rant.

[missmichelle01]

I don't know if many of you know me, but I know some of you do. My name is Michelle and my daughter's name is Ashley. Ashley foolishly decided to have a baby and she is now 3 months old. Of course she lives with me. To give you some backround.. The guy she was with and I say was because one week they are one week they aren't, didn't use protection and my daughter stopped taking bc pills because they made her feel sick to her stomach. We are past the point of stupid now and to the point of her not taking care of her daughter the way she should. I understand that she is a teen mom and she wasn't ready and all that goes with that. She is living her life with Hailey as if Hailey is a nusciance and getting in the way of ASHLEY'S life. Like she has to be bothered again to take care of her baby. The things that are bothering me are the things she says and what she does and doesn't do. Let me explain and give you some examples: She has told me "I never wanted my baby, but I couldn't kill her." So, she takes care of the baby with that thought in mind. I found out last night from one of my son's friends that spent the night that Hailey was screaming not just the normal cry but the screaming where sometimes there is nothing coming out for a couple seconds kinda cry for over half an hour in the middle of the night and ashley was doing nothing about it. I didn't hear it because I was asleep at the other end of the house with the door shut. She also, picks her up to suddenly and jerky, she puts her way above her head and does this playing shake thing to try to scare haiely to make her stop fussing. I've heard her say when she thinks i'm upstairs sleeping still "Hailey what's wrong with you! I don't want to f **king pick you up! Meanwhile, what ashley is doing is either being on facebook or watching tv. She does absolutely nothing around the house. She acts like she can get nothing done unless someone watches Hailey. I try to tell her to do these things while she's alseep and she just ignores me and watches tv, texts, gets on the computer or takes a nap. My daughter has not had to watch her own daughter for more than 24 hours at a time without help. She tosses her from me to the fathers parents, to her friends, so she can go "hang out" with her other friends. It's getting to the point where I can't stand to look at my daughter without either being angry or disgusted. I don't know what to do. Hailey doesn't even know Ashley is her mom. I think she thinks I and her other grandma Karen are. There is more I'm sure I could remember if I wasn't so tired of all of it. I just needed to vent. I don't know how much longer I can do this.

[3timesoccermom]

I would be just as frustrated as you are. My 16-year old niece is pregnant and I fear the very same thing for her baby.

I know these girls need to be independent and learn to do for themselves but like you, I would be so afraid the baby would be neglected or mis-treated if you or other grandma didn't step in so solutions seem a lot tougher to come up with.

I just wanted to empathize but I have no clue what to do.

[Mama Stu]

Trust me, I understand exactly how you feel. My 18 year old daughter also had a baby she didn't want to take care of. It is a long story , but we ended up with our grandaughter after years of her going back and forth between here and living with her Mom.


Our grandaughter is 16 now and her Mom had 4 other children by 3 different fathers and the only reason it is 3 and not 4 is because the last two are twins. My DD does finally have her self together but it took her all these years to do that.


The first time I took my grandaughter, my DD was high on drugs and had left her lay in her crib for 36 hours straight. I was livid and heartbroken.

Maybe you should try to get custody of your grandaughter, because who knows what your dd is saying or doing when you aren't around. If you don't feel you are up to raising a child by yourself, maybe the fathers parents would help



Hang in there, I KNOW how frustrating it can be. They were living here to begin with also.

[anaj06]

Have you considered either getting custody or encouraging Ashley to put the child up for adoption. It doesn't sound like she is ready to be a Mom, so it may be in the baby's best interest for someone else to raise her. JMO

[spork]

Do you have any kind of counseling for teen moms in your area? If so, I'd drag her there, whether she wants to go or not. She might find some support with girls in the same situation. Frankly, this is scary to me and I can only imagine the position you are in. Your daughter probably doesn't want to hear it from you, you are probably the nag -- normal teen reaction. But she needs to be told that her behavior is child neglect and potential abuse, that its not just the grown-ups who are noticing how she treats the baby and that sooner or later someone is going to report her. ::said with loving motherly concern, of course::

Maybe if she is told that her friends and/or her brother's friends are noticing, then she won't think she's so cool after all.

[Smee]

I don't know what's up with the mother-- maybe she has PPD and/or maybe she's unstable or maybe she's just a bad mother, but that baby needs protection. For sure, I don't think I'd be trying to force her to parent. I mean, yeah, if it's a matter of trying to force her to stay home and be resp

[Smee]

Crap, accidentally hit send. More to follow, fat fingering virtual keyboard.

[Smee]

Anyway, I'm all for trying to keep the mother home to tend to her child and getting her counseling or whatever help she needs, but since she is exhibiting violent, angry behavior, that baby needs protection. IMO this baby does not need to be left alone with this mother. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how much it sucks to have to take responsibility for someone else's poor choices, but sometimes you have to choose between being right and being happy, and I doubt anyone would be happy if she seriously injures (or worse) that child.

[spork]

Anyway, I'm all for trying to keep the mother home to tend to her child and getting her counseling or whatever help she needs, but since she is exhibiting violent, angry behavior, that baby needs protection. IMO this baby does not need to be left alone with this mother. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how much it sucks to have to take responsibility for someone else's poor choices, but sometimes you have to choose between being right and being happy, and I doubt anyone would be happy if she seriously injures (or worse) that child.

I agree. Wouldn't leave the baby alone with her.

[kaedeebug]

Have her look up shaken baby syndrome while she is on the computer. She needs to get control of herself before she hurts the baby and if she doesn't care for Hailey remind her that child abuse is a crime and she could end up in jail. I hope you can find a solution and will pray for strength and guidance for you.