pregnant again at 19

[JamieLo25]

Ok, so this isn't much of me ranting as it is being disappointed. My younger sister is pregnant with her second baby, after just turning 19 last year. Her daughter just turned 3 in December. She lives with her fiances family, an in law suite but is only a 1 bedroom. They were trying to prevent it but I guess something went wrong along the way. I just wish things would've turned out better for her. She had just re-started school (she had to drop out of HS), started a decent job and now she's due in Sept. I know things happen for a reason, but her situation just isn't the best. They struggle a lot. And me and my husband aren't in the best of situations to help too much either. I mean, with my couponing I can help her stock up on diapers and formula when she starts weaning off B-Fing but coupons aren't going to pay her bills. Her fiance is graduating nursing and is ASE certified as a technician, but in this economy and at his age, its been tough for him finding a job, paying good enough. No one is taking a 19 year old seriously.

And, if you are going to comment, please play nice. I dont want to hear anything about upbringing being to blame or girls now a days blah blah blah. She is my younger sister and will probably take offense.

[jen276here]

I understand how you feel. Just do your best to be supportive. I was pregnant at 19 w/ twins and had a rough first few years but not long after things did start to look up and get better. I’m quite certain people had the same type of concerns for me. Things will work out but it may be rough for a while first. It will help her in the long run to be stronger. Her SO sounds like he is trying hard and that is a great sign. I wish her luck!

[melodyjg]

Sorry about your sister, I truly understand different situation but it's is my sister too and you do want the best for them

[nurseannette]

Hey, I know the situation seems daunting. In some ways its good that you aren't gonna be able to help out a lot financially. Of course, you will do all that you can, but this couple will need to find their way themselves. Just be there for your sister, encourage her. Show her how to save money. Teach her to cook if she doesn't, shop for bargains for food and clothing.
Goodluck!!

[kschick96]

Becoming a parent, even the second time over, at any age can be a challenge. After reading your post-I thought of the positives.
1. She has someone who sounds like is with her for the long haul and loves and supports her.
2. While the room is small, she has a roof over her and her families head and it sounds like they can stay for how everylong they need-doesn't sound like anyone is trying to force them out and they are scrambling to find shelter.
3. Her fianace has gone to school and has many options-just hasn't found the right fit yet. If he is having a hard time finding something in nursing and needs some experience-have him apply at nursing, retirment homes. We wanted/needed male nurses so bad. Many of the male residents only feel comfortable in certain situations dealing with a male nurse.
4. She has a great sister who cares about her and will provide support emotionally and financially (coupons).

I hope my post made you feel a little bit better. ((hugs))

[nurseannette]

Well said, very positive.

[uummm]

Kudos to them for at least not just sponging off society. I agree with kschick96
at least they were both trying to do something positive. She was going back to school and has a job, he is going to school trying to make sure he can provide.

I wish someone had told me about coupons and all that when I had my first kid-we were pretty poor (thank you US NAVY! for underpaying your employees-different rant) and we most certainly could have afforded to pay less for diapers and formula.

And as far as up bringing goes unless you and all your sibling(s) were pregnant at 16 with a second due at 19 then it has little to do with up bringing.

My brother has been on the brink of foreclosure a few times and this was BEFORE the recession hit. My parents did not teach us this was ok, my sister and myself certainly have not been in a bind like my brother has repeatedly...that does not make it his upbringing. My parents were very upset when they found out about all the troubles he was having...I remember hearing all the time how important good/great credit is and never being late on ANY payment...Brother must have forgotten those little talks....

[Mama Stu]

I have a DD who by 19 also had two children. The father of both children was/is a loser. We were so happy when she finally left him. She is getting married in March to a good guy with two boys of his own. ( she is 25 now and her fiance is 32)

Our DD dropped out of school , started to get her GED FIVE times, would quit halfway through. Once she finally made up her mind , she got through it in 3 weeks. She then went to cosmetology school but now she has fibromylagia and doing hair really hurts her, so she does hair on the side and works elsewhere.

So no comments about upbringing from me, because that sure isn't what she was taught at home.

I agree with the PP who said there are a lot of positives in your sisters situtation. I know it may not seem like it now and it is hard to watch someone you love struggle, but at least they are on the right track. Prayers for them and you.

[cybilx10]

Fully understand where you are coming from. You know how they say that you are predispositioned to being a teenage mom if your mom was? Well my grandmother, her mother, my mom, me, and my sister all were teenage moms. (I was the oldest at 20) but still, none of us had a clue. My sister had 3 kids before she even turned 25. We now look at the lone female in our households (my sisters daughter) and pray that she wont fall into the same issue. But somehow we have all made it, and for a few of us have made us stronger as a person.

There is so much sex out there, its hard to shield kids from it, and watching all of these tv shows dont help the matter, when these teenagers just think its a bunch of fun and games.

I wish you and your sister the best of luck!!! Its not gonna be an easy road ahead!

[momof2inohio]

I am sorry to hear that you are upset with your sister. Try to look at the positives though. She has a fiance who sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders and he is sticking around. So many guys stray and do not want anything to do with their kids. Your sister sounds like she also has a good head on her shoulders and wants to finish school and make a better life for herself and children. It may not be the ideal situation but even thirty year olds having their first child still struggle. Having children is hard on anyone no matter what age.

I was 17 when I got pregnant with my DS and 18 when I had him. I am still married to my kids father and we have been together 15 years now. Things very VERY rough, I am not going to lie but we made things work. We started out barely making ends meet but DH eventually finished college and now has a good job making great money. We have since had one more child and everything all worked out. Hopefully in your sister's case it will too. What your sister really needs right now is emotional support from her family. I was lucky to have a very supportive family because I don't know how I would have made it if I didn't. Best of luck to you and your sister