Momma Drama... massive family vent! long

[judymd]

My mom and stepdad are in ~20+ months of a separation/divorce. They were married for 12 years.

My mom is not at all happy that I still talk to step dad and is convinced that I'm taking his side over hers. I'm not, but still pretty pissed that they have spent over $10k in lawyer fees because a fight over a stupid f*&#in' (unsigned) prenup.

Every year I go to Las Vegas for work and my step dad is living in Vegas an offered to loan me one of his cars and stay at his house while I'm working (sweet since we own our own business and business hasn't been great lately). Hubby and I treated it like a mini vacation tacking on a few days before or after and we have done this for several years before mom and step dad separated.

Now mom is pissed that I would stay with stepdad, offered to pay for hotel and car rental so that I don't have be in contact with stepdad. Well, she's the one divorcing him, not me or my hubby or DD.

Bigger issue: DD is 4, she doesn't understand the separation. This is the only grandpa she has and knows and I'm pretty stubborn with the fact that if stepdad wants to continue to have a relationship with DD, my mom will have to suck it up. Oh, and stepdad now has a new girlfriend.
Since DD is 4, she doesn't really have an "edit" button, and doesn't understand some of the dynamics and fights they are still fighting about
(nor should she!) ie "grandpa's swimming pool" a hot tub that my mom would never let step dad get when they were together. But DD talked about swimming in it, and that caused a whole sh!tstorm of a fight. I can only imagine the fight after finding out about the new honey!

I just want to go out to Vegas, and do a bit of paid freelance work, attempt to get through 4 overlapping tradeshows in a week, enjoy a couple days of not snowy cold weather, and already told my mom that this is not about her and what is convenient for her, but ME and what works for me and hubby since its about OUR work that brings us to Vegas. Besides, mom's retired.

Just so very pissed at this momma drama and just have to get it off my chest.

[Crystalbug]

I love your comment about "she's the one divorcing him, not me or my hubby or dd."

To me, that's really a great attitude to have. It really promotes a happier lifestyle I think. But then I'm weird - my best friend is married to my ex-husband and we all get along delightfully. LOL

Good luck in Vegas!

[CW&M Mom]

BTDT with Daddy drama when my FIL was alive. He was an a$$ and found himself kicked out of the house and getting a divorce..and we were not divorcing his ex wife..as it was the only decent grandmother my kids had on his side. His mom was dead..and even if she was alive...she was not going to be allowed to see the kids.

Anywho...he tried really hard to hold it over our heads...and we were like...dude you are a PITA and you want to hate us then so be it. You lose not us. It's actually easier for us.

In the end he finally gave up thinking he got to dictate what relationships we had or didn't have. It was that or he didn't have a son...and since my hubby was the only child who actually gave a crap about him...he stopped the nonsense.

[Jen1]

I think you did what you felt was right and totally agree with it. I would've done the same thing. hey, anything too, to get off the East coast this time a year is a plus, but why didn't you take me?

Seriously though, I can totally relate. It's never easy is these situations.

[motherofmolly]

sounds like you need to tell mom you are not getting in the middle of her and step-dads issues. and your dd's still thinking of him as grandpa and that is the way it will be. Tell her you support her and love her, but you do not want to hear the problems THEY are having.

[Shy2481]

Their divorce is their problem not yours. It seems he has been in your life for a significant amount of time and like you said she is divorcing him, not you and your family. If you want to continue a relationship with him the you should be able to do so.

[Colinsgrandma]

I would go and enjoy the time with him...and the warm weather. People get over these issues eventually. Your mom doesn't think so now but in the long run it's better to take the high road and move on with your life.

[tracysbeans]

I my best friend is married to my ex-husband and we all get along delightfully. LOL

Oh my gosh! Isn't that weird?? OP please let me go off topic for a sec. I just can't believe this. Crytalbug WHY in the heck would a best friend want to be with your ex? Doesn' make sense.

[bali1228]

Maybe Crystalbug and her ex had an amicable divorce, and she set them up? It's possible to fall out of love with someone and still think they're a good person. Like maybe he wasn't the right one for her, but a good match for her friend.

[tracysbeans]

Maybe Crystalbug and her ex had an amicable divorce, and she set them up? It's possible to fall out of love with someone and still think they're a good person. Like maybe he wasn't the right one for her, but a good match for her friend.

Yeah that is probably the case. Just strange to me that's all. BUT more power to them. I just don't think I could deal with that in MY world. Actually just recently I tried be friends with my ex and couldn't do it. Certain things he did bugged me and I couldn't deal with it. I was kinda sad about it cause I truely did want to be friends with him still. I even tried it 2 different times. Finally, I just had to give up trying. He wasn't to happy about it BUT what was I supposed to do? Fake being his friend. Then put in my best friend! Yikes no way. I'm Jealous though wish I was able to do all that.

Sorry to go off topic OP just couldn't resist since that shocked me.