FB posts begging for self-affirmation

[cintinative]

Okay I am probably going to regret posting this but I generally am getting tired of people posting things on FB looking for people to just blindly say, "yes, good for you!" when it is a controversial issue. Case in point, a post today: "Does the fact I am ecstatic to be back at work mean I am a bad mom?" Um, it depends on who you ask! This particular mom's baby was a preemie and isn't even a year old, and she doesn't have to work due to finances.

Or another person who laid out that she could get a job and work for only three years and be able to pay off her mortgage. She is a SAHM with a baby at home. She worded it in such a way that it could only be construed as looking for encouragement--not sage advice. Then when a few of us dared to say differently she back tracked and said she was just "kidding" about the whole thing. I don't think so.

I guess what I am HUTC about is people putting their lives out there for a vote but only really wanting one response. There is a difference between wanting advice and wanting blind encouragement. And, as you can obviously tell, I am tired of posts downplaying the value of SAHMs. We are not resigned to accept this as our fate. We choose it for ourselves and our kids.

[BringontheWonder]

I don't use Facebook, but I'm annoyed by behavior like that sometimes, too. It's more sad than annoying, though, I guess. I think it probably speaks to self-esteem issues if you seek validation from others, especially strangers or people you don't know very well.

[motherofmolly]

i dont post much on facebook. but i tend to agree that some use it as a way of updating on their every move and then asking for reaffirmation to their lives.

after dd #1, i went back to work...yeah i felt quilty but i was okay with it.
after dd #2 i was unable to go back to work (personal injury) but was slammed by my former coworkers for being a stay at home mom. i do things everyday to contribute to my household and am having a wonderful time learning new ways to save and make a couple of bucks...i get to see my kids learn new things and experience with them and would not change it!

[cintinative]

Someone just responded this to the original post on FB (the person going back to work full time today and ecstatic):
"NO, that is just great...so glad you get to be a Mommy and a real person too!!"

So, in other words, if you don't work and are a mommy then you aren't a real person?? Oh boy.

[Nishu]

I think you're being too sensitive and judgmental. You have a clear preference for staying at home with your kids and your original posts clearly suggests that, but at the same time you're mad at someone suggesting that stay at home mom's aren't "real people."


Yeah some times people want encouragement. If it bothers you, you could always defriend them.

[kschick96]

Here is a different look-maybe the posters who are SAHM's are looking for a pat on the back like they used to get at work. When you are in the workforce, you have a big project and it goes well, you are often times (not always) given a pat on the back, a "way to go," etc. When you become a SAHM, that all stops. This maybe their way of saying "hey look at me, give me a pat on the back."

Being a SAHM is not for everyone, but for many people out there, it is the right choice for their families. I love being a SAHM, but I have days I think, I have a Master's Degree and now my life is about changing diapers and trying to get my LO to nap-I wouldn't change my decision to SAH for the world, but others out there just may be struggling and the Facebook polls give them validation that they made the right choice.

As for being a SAHM not being a respected "job," it happens. There are a lot of jobs out there that do not get the respect they deserve, but I wouldn't want to live my life with out them-example: trashman, road construction, etc.

To sum up my long post-I'm sorry your friends are making you feel bad about the decision you made to SAH. In the end, if you and your family are happy with the outcome of your decision to SAH, that's all that really matters-just forget about what your friends are posting.

PS. I know you are a "real" person, because I am a "real" person too! lol! :)

[cintinative]

Thanks kschick96.

I guess I am getting sensitive about it. It isn't helping that I am sick today but I am tired of people saying that they can't be a SAHM because they aren't a good "housekeeper" (FB friends words). Whatever. Being a SAHM is about so much more than being a housekeeper. Don't throw out excuses. I hate it when people who have no financial reason to be working give excuses like this. They are working because their career was more important than being home with their kids. Pure and simple. But it is not socially acceptable to say I just really enjoy my career and want to go back. It sounds selfish so people won't say it.

[Smee]

I guess what I am HUTC about is people putting their lives out there for a vote but only really wanting one response. There is a difference between wanting advice and wanting blind encouragement.

I agree with this point. I don't mind offering words of encouragement if someone asks, but feigning a desire for opinions and input when there is only one acceptable answer is goofy. If you are going to put your life out there for public consumption and want warm fuzzies about it, at least own it by asking specifically for encouragement and not putting it out there as if it's open for discussion.

I don't have a strong opinion either way about the sahm facebook thing. Honestly, I think there may be some projection on both sides.

[cintinative]

Nishu, I'm going to take your advice and hide her in my feed. It's just upsetting me too much today and normally I could shake it off and keep going.

[momof2inohio]

I get tired of the whole stay at home mom vs. working mom thing. Who cares? As long as the mom and her family are happy with the choice then so be it. I personally do not believe one is better than the other. You can have a mom who stays home but is on the computer all day and barely pays any attention to her kids. You can have a working mom who would love to stay home with her kids but can't because of finances and as soon as she gets home she spends all her time with them. This goes back to the quality time vs. quantity of time.

I have always been basically a stay at home mom. I say basically because I do work one or two days a week for a couple of hours at my family business. I do that to help out with the company and bring in more income. I love that I was able to be home with my kids but for some that is simply not an option. For others maybe they just want to work, nothing wrong with that either.

To tell you the truth I really wish I would have finished my degree before having kids. I am finishing it now but it would have been so much easier then. I know that when my kids are grown I am going to have to go out into the working world because eventually kids do grow up. Mine are growing up too fast