Need opinions on marital issue . . . involving football!

[meggers]

No, you don't need a new approach. You're doing just fine. You just needed a good vent. You're doing everything right, except maybe you haven't fully given it to God, but goodness knows I have no room to talk.

You just keep doing what God has asked you to do as his wife & He will deal with DH. Be patient & supportive & yes, submissive to DH & to God & you won't be disappointed. You might be really anxious to be a mom, but God may not have your children ready just yet & therefore, He may not be readying your DH's heart for fatherhood just yet.

And hugs.

[momof2inohio]

Sorry I don't really have any advice to give you but just know that there are others out there in the same boat. I hardly ever get to see my DH. He works until 8 or 8:30 every night and lately he has been working alot of overtime. He works at least two saturdays a month. We have 2 children and sometimes I feel like a single mom but he does all of this to keep a roof over our heads. I agree with Loaslaen, try to find some things to keep yourself occupied and happy when he is gone.

By the way I think its great that he has such a passion for football and loves what he does. I am sure the kids appreciate him. My 11 year old son plays football and his coach does not have kids of his own but coaches the team (almost all of the coaches in this league have a kid on the team).

[CW&M Mom]

In a similar boat....My husband works in another state...and we only get to occasionally see him on weekends. It basically stinks...but we do what we have to do.

[PHmom]

I hope you can get this resolved and totally understand the need to vent sometimes.

As far as being a football coach, I have seen tons of interviews with pro and college coaches and what you describe is very very common. Almost every one of them mentions how they never see their families during the football season and I have seen many comments along the lines of "I am so lucky that my wife is so understanding and puts up with this - she has to do everything at home and for the kids from July through February" - and, truthfully, if you could ask their wives they'd probably say the same thing you said, they're frustrated with the whole situation. Not that knowing this will help you at all but I just thought I'd throw it out there.

[bigsweetie]

Men, IMO, typically have a harder time balancing all aspects of their lives. However, I also think it's a skill worth learning. It's something my DH is working on, and still struggles with, but he's trying.

If you're already in counseling, what does your counselor say? Sometimes hearing it from a third party is enough to make a spouse take it more seriously. I know that you say he's a wonderful husband and you don't want to nag/complain... but if he doesn't get this balance in his life now, just think about how your future child(ren) will feel?

If your son/daughter needs to talk to dad about an issue during football season will he/she get brushed off too?

I'm sure he feels like he needs to focus on football right now, but as I said before, he needs to learn to balance. Life is not on hold during football season... especially once you have kids.

Good luck!

P.S.- Once you two discuss this, I would also recommend that you have a serious discussion (if you haven't already) about your expectations of him as a father during this busy time of the year. That way you two are on the same page and there's no underlying resentment. My DH is gone 18 days every month and before we had kids we layed down some ground rules/expectations (both of us) about his duties when he's home.

I'm really surprised how many couples don't discuss parenting expectations before having kids, and then wonder why one or the other is resentful.... not speaking to you directly here, just a general statement.

[3timesoccermom]

This is $1500 up to $2500 - the K means thousands.

At our school the coaches get 3K for the extra sport.

1500-2500K is 1.5-2.5 MILLION. I'd BEG DH to do it for that much, lol!

[3timesoccermom]

I just see this as one of the times when, for a while, one has to pull more of a load at home than the other - it's not 50-50. These periods of flux occur in most marriages.

You at least know to expect it and can plan for it. This is the same sort of thing that occurs in military families or when one spouse works out of town, or is just working a lot of overtime or dozens of other circumstances.

I think your husband would love you all the more if you could accept that he wants to do this and plan for some things you can do without him during this time.

[Colinsgrandma]

If he loves it I would go to his games. Once you get to know the kids and their parents it will be fun. I'm no football fan but when my son played I went to all his games and enjoyed them. The practice days I would do something I liked to do. Maybe you can negotiate keeping one day a week open for couple time when you can do something fun and really sit and talk.

[motherofmolly]

find the one spot where he does have a second...be it breakfast, or dinner or as you are getting in the bed.

or give him a card explaining what you are thinking and how it is important to you.

adoption and fostering is very giving of you. there are so many loving children that need a good home. if you havent looked into your options, gather all the information you need. what is required? what forms? for adoption, what kind of a cost is it going to be? do your research, that way if you got a quick 5 minutes, you can unload the info.

good luck.

[twinmommyboyz]

My husband is also a high school football coach and teacher. We also get in small arguements about his career. We've been together for 10 years, married for 5 of the 10. I used to feel really lonely during football season, now we have three kids and I am so busy that I am definately not lonely. But, I have another issue...I am exhausted. I am a teacher as well and I work, do the housework, errunds, take the kids to practice, etc. all alone. I usually do pretty good, but when I have had enough I blow up. I know it's not what I should do, but it happens. If we want to eat, I have to take my kids grocery shopping which is a huge chore and stresses me to the max or we will starve. My husband works Monday- Wednesday until 6:30 and Thursday and Friday until 10:00 or 11:00PM depending if it is a home or away game and Saturday mornings. He also has a deer hunting passion which happens to fall at this time too. SO, that leaves little time to spend with us. During the off season, he is a great father and husband, but during football season it sometimes makes me wonder. All I can say is if he makes you happy during the rest of the year, find a hobby to keep you busy. Hopefully when you have kids, it will ease being bored. Wish I could be of more help, just wanted to let you know that football coach widows are all around...find a few and hang out. That works too! LOL!!