OMG - I am so PI$$ED OFF at my DAD!

[disabledvetswife]

You could always call up his fiancee and ask her for her help in keeping him under control...but then again, that would be mean (to him).

Does she know he's trying to spread the love?

I'm afraid if I do that, he'll be on my doorstep with nowhere else to live (he lives with her) - egads!

I honestly don't know if she knows. On one hand, I thought he was in a different room when he said certain things, then he said something to her & she was right there. Don't know if she walked in, if he walked into a different room or whatnot.

[disabledvetswife]

Here is an older persons point of view. When I see my kids all grown up friends I remember them as small children but I see them as the adults they have become. Same goes for the nieces and nephews I see them as the adults they are. I enjoy seeing them and talking to them because I see them as equals. Age blurs as you get older and your circle of people that you like is more varied. I don't think it was inappropriate of him to ask her but once she said no that should have been the end of it.

Okay, going along these lines...pick one of your kids very best friends that they've known since third grade. You saw that friend as a 9-year old child (or thereabouts) and were around that child 24/7 365 - almost. You took that child and your child to the beach, Disney World, the movies, etc. That child was around you just as much as your own child - and sometimes you assumed the parental role with that child because their parent(s) weren't around.

How can you now look at that child in any kind of sexual way?

[farmergirl]

EEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

YUCK

(hugs) to you for having to deal with this

[Colinsgrandma]

[QUOTE=disabledvetswife;2633087]Okay, going along these lines...pick one of your kids very best friends that they've known since third grade. You saw that friend as a 9-year old child (or thereabouts) and were around that child 24/7 365 - almost. You took that child and your child to the beach, Disney World, the movies, etc. That child was around you just as much as your own child - and sometimes you assumed the parental role with that child because their parent(s) weren't around.

How can you now look at that child in any kind of sexual way?[/QUOTE
]
Well, I never have but I can see where other people might. It may be hard to get when you are young but 59 is not one foot in the grave or the onset of dementia as someone suggested. I know this may freak some people out but you are still a sexual being when you are in your 60's and 70's. At what age do you plan to be when you give up sex? Anyhow I don't see anything wrong with asking but a lot wrong with no taking no for an answer.

[bali1228]

Well, given his age you may want to take into consideration that it may be the onset of some form of dementia{due to the alcohol abuse}. But, if he's just an a-hole{and let's face it, we all know them and some of them must have kids}then I would say this{keep in mind, I can be quite blunt}
"Dad, I spoke with {BFF} about hookin' up with you and she said that she'll have to decline your offer, unfortunately the sight of saggy old b@lls skeeve her out, unless they're attached to a big, thick......wallet .
She added that if she ever has a disfiguring accident you should look her up, as her standards will have probably dropped considerably...but not until then."
I'm pretty sure the subject will never come up again if you say that

[QUOTE=Colinsgrandma;2637419]

Okay, going along these lines...pick one of your kids very best friends that they've known since third grade. You saw that friend as a 9-year old child (or thereabouts) and were around that child 24/7 365 - almost. You took that child and your child to the beach, Disney World, the movies, etc. That child was around you just as much as your own child - and sometimes you assumed the parental role with that child because their parent(s) weren't around.

How can you now look at that child in any kind of sexual way?[/QUOTE
]
Well, I never have but I can see where other people might. It may be hard to get when you are young but 59 is not one foot in the grave or the onset of dementia as someone suggested. I know this may freak some people out but you are still a sexual being when you are in your 60's and 70's. At what age do you plan to be when you give up sex? Anyhow I don't see anything wrong with asking but a lot wrong with no taking no for an answer.

If you notice, I said given his age due to his alcohol abuse. That many years of drinking can cause a lot of damage to a person body and brain. And while I understand that people are sexual beings well into their 60's, 70's and beyond{ trust me, I've had to sit through discussions on the merits of Viagra and the issues it cause's with my 70 year old aunts arthritic hips}
Hitting on his daughters girlhood friend that he had a paternal role with, is to say the least....creepy. Given that his most recent behavior is a departure from his normal demeanor, it could indicate the onset of some form of dementia. Please note that some forms can onset at a young age, even as early as a person in their 40's.

[kremsh]

Coming from a 45 year old who has raised DS and DD in the same town for over 24 years, both of my kids have grown up with the same friends since kindergarten. Many of them are still extremely close to my kids and consider me a second mom. They come to visit me even when my kids are not home and know they can call me any time for advice. I think that is the role I should play in their lives, no more, no less. There is no way I would ever "proposition" any of my DS's friends, I think of them as my kids and always will no matter how old they get.

I agree with the other posters, you need to distance yourself from him until he gets a better perspective with his role in your life as well as your friends.

[billig]

12ish I think.

Ok, so he started drinking at 12, that's when he mentally/emotionally stopped growing. [if whatever made him start drinking at 12 didn't already stunt his mental growth]
And then when he stopped drinking, if he reallllly was working on himself, he would start to grow from there. So 12 + 16 could mean he's about 28 mentally...but it sounds like he's less than that. Especially with him not remembering important life issues you've told him about.

[~~Who,Me?~~]

No advice, but really sorry you have to deal with this. I know that you had posted about other stressors in your life as far as possibly relocating & all that, so I'm sorry this got added to your pile of crap to think about. It stinks.

[amys]

I preface my reply by saying that my dh is 11+ years older than I and a friend is married to a man 30 years older than she. Come to think of it, most of my friends are married to men 10 or more years older than they. hmmm...

anyways -

He probably didn't think anything about asking out your friend - yes, the two of you grew up together, but he probably didn't see her as his daughter, the way she saw him as a father figure. He probably saw her as your best friend and did things for her because of that.

The skeeve is more from you and your friend because she viewed him as a father figure.

However, he goes over the line by wanting you to tell her to sleep with him just once. 1 - no father should ever say such a thing to their child, no matter the age and whether or not the person is a friend; 2 - no father should involve their child in his sexual leanings.


I am not absolving nor excusing his actions - I personally find it gross as well, and would limit his contact with my children as a precaution.

If he can not respect you, then you need to respect yourself.