CRISIS Housing situation....

[cecaic0609]

I really have to vent because I have not shared this information with anyone but my boyfriend (don't even want to open myself up to family and friends).

To start off, I have DD1 and DS4. DS4 is from a previous marriage and is very hard to handle. He goes to a Special Ed Preschool everyday and requires Speech, OT/PT 2x's a week each. My boyfriend used to be good with him, but just doesn't understand his needs and won't watch him even if I only have to run out for 5 minutes.

With that being said, the babysitter that used to watch him got accused of child neglect, so I am VERY leery to stick him in ANY daycare. Because of this, I have solely been self-employed (doing work through Cha-Cha, selling on eBay, etc). My boyfriend has had a couple jobs, but has basically been laid off for not keeping his mouth shut. He has been offered several opportunities for work, but just sleeps the day away not looking for work. I am still trying to come up with a solution where I can make more money and not have to leave my kids with anyone. I have pondered the idea of babysitting, but that's not even where the majority of my stress lies right now.

Because of our financial situation we have been getting Section 8 (help paying our rent) for a little under a year. I always had our portion of the rent in on time every month, until my boyfriend lost his job and I had NO help paying bills. Because of this, I got behind on rent a month and it took me 3 months to fully catch up on payments. In the meantime I get a letter for re-certification through Section 8 based on what I am making (since he is not working). Last month I worked hard getting bills caught up and got the rent paid up to date (all except for an air-conditioner charge of $140) that we had no idea we were going to get charged.

On September 15th, I get a letter that I'm suppose to sign stating what I make and that I'm self-employed, then on September 16th I get a letter saying because our rent got behind too many times, we were losing Section 8 as of September 30.

So, needless to say I am in nervous wreck, have been balling my eyes out and just have no one to talk to. I am going to file an appeal and have contacted a Legal Services that are based on your income, but if this falls through I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to disclose what are rent is or the potion we pay, but there is NO WAY I can afford to pay the full amount without the help.

Section 8 was suppose to be adjusting our rent based on the fact that my boyfriend lost his job and solely on what I am making, but in the middle of all that we get this letter.

I don't know what I'm looking for...maybe suggestions to bring up with the lawyer, moral support, prayers. I just had to get this off my chest because I feel like I'm going to explode and just don't know what to do!

[lmcconne]

Sorry I don't have words of encouragement. But I would just like you to ponder the value of keeping someone around who is not contributing to the household. Unless he's bringing in some unemployment, he is a solid drain on the household resources. I've never had any use for a non-contributing partner.

[kval07]

I don't have any advice, but I do hope everything works in your favor. I completely agree with lmc. You should be supporting children and yourself only.

[buddysmom]

My only advice would be in agreement with the previous 2 posts. You need to do what is best for you and your 2 children. BF is using you.

[loaslaen]

My boyfriend used to be good with him, but just doesn't understand his needs and won't watch him even if I only have to run out for 5 minutes.

Is that what you really want for yourself and your children? I don't know if BF is the father of your other child, but if he is, he needs to act like one, and to both of them. It's not fair to anyone for you all to "act" like family and not be one. I don't think where you live matters much if you can't make a "home" for everyone.

There are two adults in this situation, and it sounds like only ONE is stressing over this, and it isn't the one that SHOULD be. I understand your struggle and have compassion, but things will be tough when priorities aren't put in place and in order. I understand not wanting to open up to family and friends, but your BF/husband should be your confidant.

I'm not going to put down your BF or say you should leave him. You've already created a family with him, and things have been done out of order, but I wish happiness and unity and blessings for you all. I hope this situation will only teach you to learn to grow together instead of drive a wedge between you. Relationships have their ups and downs, but they can make it through the downs. If you can stick together and BE a family, you can make it through anything.

Maybe your BF just needs more encouragement. Perhaps making his home a place he enjoys and can relax and not be stressed will make him want to keep it more. Perhaps providing a little more happiness and/or excitement would keep him from getting stressed at work and saying stuff, and make him more excited to come home and relax/chill/enjoy life more. Life can get pretty hard and stressed at times, and it seems the people who make it through the best are those who keep a light-hearted attitude. Moods seem to rub off too, so two people who are down and out will just keep the cycle going. If you want things to change, sometimes you have to take the first step. Motivation starts with actions, not feelings.

I hope you're not offended by my post. I'm just offering advice based on one post and how it comes across to me. As a mother, I want a father for my children and a husband for myself, and the way your post is worded, it seems like everything is your responsibility and you don't expect it any different and aren't expecting your BF to be a husband or father, but just a "contributer". If that's what you expect, then that's all you will probably ever get. And in that case, he just seems like the "third child". Perhaps a little more thought in what you want long-term, and a little heart-to-heart (meaning a loving manner, not a put-down manner) with BF would be helpful.

I do hope the housing situation can be resolved, but it's not the end of the world. Worse case scenario, I'd check out craigslist, local newspapers, and other outlets for a place just in case you do have to move. It could lead to a better situation, or just another one in which to learn from. You'll be in my prayers...

[3timesoccermom]

W O W. What incredible stress. I mentioned in another post yesterday that there were many people on this very board that were going through hard times, like the OP on that thread and this is an example.

It makes a whole lot of sense for the #$&@ people to stop helping you because you couldn't get your rent in on time! Duh! Do they not think it will be worse for you now???

Would you receive more aid if the BF's financial info wasn't in the picture? I don't know much about these things but there are some very knowledgeable people on this site that may also have some good ideas so keep this thread at the top by bumping.

I'm sorry to say I concur with the other replies about the BF. Has he no shame at all to lie around doing nothing while you struggle in every, single way?

I also understand how hard it is to ask for help and discuss your personal problems with others. I am the same way but be strong and don't be offended or upset with the advice you may get here. People who reply to this can see things more objectively and are only trying to help you.

[rbunnymom]

Is that what you really want for yourself and your children? I don't know if BF is the father of your other child, but if he is, he needs to act like one, and to both of them. It's not fair to anyone for you all to "act" like family and not be one. I don't think where you live matters much if you can't make a "home" for everyone.

There are two adults in this situation, and it sounds like only ONE is stressing over this, and it isn't the one that SHOULD be. I understand your struggle and have compassion, but things will be tough when priorities aren't put in place and in order. I understand not wanting to open up to family and friends, but your BF/husband should be your confidant.

I'm not going to put down your BF or say you should leave him. You've already created a family with him, and things have been done out of order, but I wish happiness and unity and blessings for you all. I hope this situation will only teach you to learn to grow together instead of drive a wedge between you. Relationships have their ups and downs, but they can make it through the downs. If you can stick together and BE a family, you can make it through anything.

Maybe your BF just needs more encouragement. Perhaps making his home a place he enjoys and can relax and not be stressed will make him want to keep it more. Perhaps providing a little more happiness and/or excitement would keep him from getting stressed at work and saying stuff, and make him more excited to come home and relax/chill/enjoy life more. Life can get pretty hard and stressed at times, and it seems the people who make it through the best are those who keep a light-hearted attitude. Moods seem to rub off too, so two people who are down and out will just keep the cycle going. If you want things to change, sometimes you have to take the first step. Motivation starts with actions, not feelings.

I hope you're not offended by my post. I'm just offering advice based on one post and how it comes across to me. As a mother, I want a father for my children and a husband for myself, and the way your post is worded, it seems like everything is your responsibility and you don't expect it any different and aren't expecting your BF to be a husband or father, but just a "contributer". If that's what you expect, then that's all you will probably ever get. And in that case, he just seems like the "third child". Perhaps a little more thought in what you want long-term, and a little heart-to-heart (meaning a loving manner, not a put-down manner) with BF would be helpful.

I do hope the housing situation can be resolved, but it's not the end of the world. Worse case scenario, I'd check out craigslist, local newspapers, and other outlets for a place just in case you do have to move. It could lead to a better situation, or just another one in which to learn from. You'll be in my prayers...

I think what was said here puts into words what I would want to say to you.

I know you have worked very hard trying to provide for your family. It should be him also. I hope you will be able to have a loving conversation with him and he will see how he must do more of his part to help his family. If not, you know what you have to do. Your priority then will be your children and what is best for them. Perhaps counseling would help (if you can find any on a sliding scale or free in your area - it does exist).

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Also, I will check with a family member who worked in a local lawyer referral office to see if she has any suggestions about what you do.

[Whispered]

Ok, i'm going to try and address 3 specifics..

1) family is really good for support..I think they could help out. Give you some support, babysit, food, etc..
(i'm a venter, at heart , thats me)
If you're not going to them, is it bc of..

2) the bf.. um how long together? is he depressed (needs to go to therapy/ meds..).. or just lazy, young?
( i don't believe love, / unity all that jazz, is everything.. ACTIONS speak loud)..
If he's been off work over 4 months, i'm guessing from the post.. he's not contributing much and needs to go bye~ bye and grow the Heck UP!!!
(maybe thats why you're not talking to family/friends? )? they'll give you the same advice.
I'd kick bf out.. and tell him, to come back, when he's able to help out..
or ok this is more theuraputic sit down, have a reasonable talk, calm manner...and have a specific timeline, when he MUST have a job and $$ , to help out.. let him know your expectations and he has to meet them.. thats reasonable.. and if he doesn't .. be strong enough to back them up!

3.).. Have you been talking to your case worker.. yes i'm on sec 8, so i know about it.. once you get kicked off, i'm pretty sure, you can't get back on.. so You need to call and speak to your caseworker.. and
esp the Supervisor, and keep going higher up.. ASAP!!.. until you find someone who can help sort this mess out. Call every day, if need be.
(There may quite well, be someone, but you're going to have to keep looking. Until you find someone that says yes, ok, i'll help.
This is requires PERSISTANCE~ which is what the "system', is all about.
(they just don't tell you that.)
so there is hope~ but you'll have to work hard at it.

Seems to me, they should have given you more warning.. did they?
also, explain about the AC.. that could be something that the landowner, was supposed to supply..
Make sure you have all your paperwork , in order.. Every tme, you go and talk to a worker, make sure they sign and date it.. even if they don't want to.. very neccessary!
Or if talking on the phone, keep a log.. every time, you speak w/ them.

Also go to your manager/ landowner, ask them to help vouch for you.
are you living in an apt complex.. or private place?

Check up on your eviction laws.. some you may actually have 60 days, but your credit, will be not so good..
Yeah, i know its hard, but do talk to family/ friends, for a place to stay..
w/ kids, esp, you gotta figure that one out.. and they may be able to help.

There are options... so hugs.. and just get busy, is the best advice, i can give you.. have hope, pray and actions.

good luck~ and i hope you'll talk to friends/ family, so they can help.
Also call legal aid.

[Whispered]

ok reread, and saw you called legal aid, good.
um, for the poster who said its not the end of the world.. maybe you have and maybe you haven't come close, to being homeless.. . not fun!

I do think, you'll have more time.. legally, before they can move you out..
I think, friends/ family, could help and the more time, the sooner you chat w/ them, the better prepared they'll be.. so its not last minute.
So like um this wkend~

DO call housing every day, see when you get letters that closely linked together, it usually means, theres been a breakdown, in communication,.. somewhere in the housing dept.. so i think theres hope...
but you got to be Persistant!! and find someone.. talk to a new person, everyday, if you must.

I have tons of stories, about "the system".. (i'm on disability)
I appreciate their help, but man, they make it hard!

[loaslaen]

ok reread, and saw you called legal aid, good.
um, for the poster who said its not the end of the world.. maybe you have and maybe you haven't come close, to being homeless.. . not fun!

I've come close to death...so if my heart is still beating then I have some hope in "this" life. Most of life is about attitude and hope. People can be rich and miserable or poor and happy. Being content in whatever situation you may be in is key.

OP has 2 children she can wrap her arms around any time. Some people have never been given that blessing, and some have lost that blessing. She has a BF she can cuddle with at night and feel loved by. Some people never get that chance or lose it and end up lonely. She has a roof over her head (right now). Some never have. Some never have air conditioning, electricity, or the water that she is struggling to pay for. She and her BF can sleep soundly. Some people can't. Some people live in fear for their lives, hardly sleeping at all, or wondering if they will see the light of day the next morning.

This is a big world, and many people struggle with problems we would never imagine, and some people would LOVE to struggle with the problems that we DO have. No one ever said such problems are FUN, but they aren't the end of the world. What's the phrase....that which doesn't kill us can only make us stronger....Have hope and faith...it's not the end of the world.