CRISIS Housing situation....

[kval07]

Forgive me for being so simplistic, but does it matter if she does love him? I think most of us can say at one point in our lives we fell in love with someone that was bad for us and we had to end the relationship. The presence of love in and of itself is not enough to keep a relationship going. Unfortunately. Sometimes we have to be shown the hard way that no matter how much we love someone, they are just not good for us.

Nope, I don't think you're being simplistic. If she DOESN'T love him, then kick him to the curb. If she does, well, then I think a lot of other people have covered that.

My point was, if she is just "putting up with him" she is probably better off with him. If he truly loved her, I would think he would be doing everything in his power to help contribute to the family: cooking, cleaning, helping care for the kids, earning $$$$. From what someone said earlier though, OP's whole post is about I, I, and I. No We.

And if my SO was just sleeping the day away while I was struggling to care for my family, I'd be livid. At some point, sense has to trump love. Love, for how great it is, doesn't pay the bills.

[cecaic0609]

Ok, I've got a few minutes, so I'm going to try to answer some of these questions as I have been reading all of the posts, just not enough time to sit down with no one around.

Sorry I don't have words of encouragement. But I would just like you to ponder the value of keeping someone around who is not contributing to the household. Unless he's bringing in some unemployment, he is a solid drain on the household resources. I've never had any use for a non-contributing partner.

Trust me, I have considered it. However, it has been the other way around. I'm not bringing in enough to say I am fully supporting us (because obviously we are getting help). Also, at this time I have a few things to figure out and take care of before I go down that avenue.

Is that what you really want for yourself and your children? I don't know if BF is the father of your other child, but if he is, he needs to act like one, and to both of them. It's not fair to anyone for you all to "act" like family and not be one. I don't think where you live matters much if you can't make a "home" for everyone.

Maybe your BF just needs more encouragement. Perhaps making his home a place he enjoys and can relax and not be stressed will make him want to keep it more.

He is the father to DD1 but DS4 is from a previous marriage. Thanks to someone on this board, I did just get a position doing freelance writing, so I tried talking to him about watching the kids a few hours a day and all I got was "I'm not going to be your son's built in babysitter". He always complains I spend more time with my son. Keep in mind if I run to the convenient store or somewhere I would normally go alone, I have to take him with me because he throws a fit about watching him. Also, I do have joint custody of my son with my Ex, so obviously when he spends a weekend with his father or a spends a couple nights during the week, on the weekend I do have him, I am going to play with him (some things of which are too advanced for my daughter to do).

As for encouragement, I have offered to fill out his applications for him, but yet here they still sit. It's now 2pm and he is still in bed. As far as feeling at home, he constantly tells me how much he hates it here, but I feel just the opposite. In almost a year, we have not had any vandalism or anything and are apartment is larger and nicer than my previous one. We also get into MANY arguments over his action figures he collects. He has them in our back room and in glass cases, even laying around sometimes. Well I'm sorry but when a 4 year old sees an action figure, of course they're going to want to play with it. Sometimes a piece will come up missing or one will get broke and he has walked out on me several times over it. I can't watch my son 24/7, if I have to go to the bathroom, I'm not taking him in with me! I have told my son which things not to touch, and once you tell him he is pretty good, but it does have a sensory processing disorder and is slightly delayed, so obviously he wants to touch things and BF doesn't seem to get it.

Would you receive more aid if the BF's financial info wasn't in the picture? I don't know much about these things but there are some very knowledgeable people on this site that may also have some good ideas so keep this thread at the top by bumping.

I actually updated our income status with Section 8 and they sent me a paper I had to sign 1 day prior to the cut-off notice!

I know you have worked very hard trying to provide for your family. It should be him also. I hope you will be able to have a loving conversation with him and he will see how he must do more of his part to help his family. If not, you know what you have to do. Your priority then will be your children and what is best for them. Perhaps counseling would help (if you can find any on a sliding scale or free in your area - it does exist).

I actually tried talking to him yesterday about just feeling totally burnt out (mentally and physically) and said I wanted to sit down and talk about some things, but he just blew up and said there was nothing to talk about, all I do is blame him for everything when we talk blah blah blah...so I went to bed.

1) family is really good for support..I think they could help out. Give you some support, babysit, food, etc..
(i'm a venter, at heart , thats me)
If you're not going to them, is it bc of..

2) the bf.. um how long together? is he depressed (needs to go to therapy/ meds..).. or just lazy, young?
( i don't believe love, / unity all that jazz, is everything.. ACTIONS speak loud)..
If he's been off work over 4 months, i'm guessing from the post.. he's not contributing much and needs to go bye~ bye and grow the Heck UP!!!
(maybe thats why you're not talking to family/friends? )? they'll give you the same advice.
I'd kick bf out.. and tell him, to come back, when he's able to help out..
or ok this is more theuraputic sit down, have a reasonable talk, calm manner...and have a specific timeline, when he MUST have a job and $$ , to help out.. let him know your expectations and he has to meet them.. thats reasonable.. and if he doesn't .. be strong enough to back them up!

3.).. Have you been talking to your case worker.. yes i'm on sec 8, so i know about it.. once you get kicked off, i'm pretty sure, you can't get back on.. so You need to call and speak to your caseworker.. and
esp the Supervisor, and keep going higher up.. ASAP!!.. until you find someone who can help sort this mess out.

Seems to me, they should have given you more warning.. did they?
also, explain about the AC.. that could be something that the landowner, was supposed to supply..

Also go to your manager/ landowner, ask them to help vouch for you.
are you living in an apt complex.. or private place?

1) The only "family" I really have left is my mom who lives about a half hour away. She has dealt with my trials and tribulations thus far and I don't think she is too pleased with where I'm at in life. Just a quick background. I have severe anxiety along with depression, some if from past situations and some is hereditary and I am on medication for both, but obviously medicine is not a cure all. Any job outside the home I've ever had, I've had crying spells and I literally get sick sometimes with my anxiety, so I used to miss a lot of work as well. I have "book smarts", just not the skills to deal with people. I know a lot of people say just get over it, but after a dozen medications, counselors since I was 13 and even one that used to have me "role play" to try to get over some of this, it's still not fully under control which is the reason I never could hold a good job and right now make my living from eBay, ChaCha & freelance writing.

2) Actually he is bi-polar, by no means an excuse for everything, but a good reason why he does a lot of the things he does. He was on medication as well, but due to not going to appointments he can't return to his Doctor, so ever since then, he has been unbearable. This is the #1 why I try to make things better with him. Our mental states are so similar on so many levels I know exactly how he feels without his medication, because I have been there. I have pretty much done everything possible to get him a new Doctor, give him a pamphlet of ones accepting patients, offered to call for him, but I can't hold his hand. I am 25, he is 30 and we have been together a little over 2 years.

3) Oddly enough, we don't have an actual case worker through Section 8. It is just 2 people that take last names A-L & M-Z and every issue you have you speak to someone different. I did just send a letter to the Executive Director explaining my situation, so I'm praying something good comes out of it. I also have an appointment next Monday at Legal Services.

We live in an apartment complex and are utilities/water/trash etc' are all in our rent payment. So when I put our air-conditioner in, I thought nothing of it! A couple months after it has been running we get a "utility charge" of $140 because apparently it's $140 for every air conditioner you have. I saw nothing in our rental agreement or anything. I'm not arguing having to pay it, I couldn't have dealt without the A/C, but we just need to pay it in installments.

ok reread, and saw you called legal aid, good.
um, for the poster who said its not the end of the world.. maybe you have and maybe you haven't come close, to being homeless.. . not fun!

Technically I have actually been homeless, that's what scares me! My Ex made up lies a couple years ago saying I was on drugs and everything else and the court didn't question it or anything. I was out to lunch with my son (when he was a year old), during that time my Ex cleaned EVERYTHING out of our apartment and the court granted him full custody without even questioning anything. They basically took my son out of my arms and that left me homeless. I spent some nights at my moms, some nights in my car and some night at my step-sister who just mentally abused me and took money from me etc. Once my court date got here, I got joint custody of my son and the accusations were dropped. I eventually fully moved back in with my mom so my son had a place to sleep. About a year later, I wasn't looking for a man at all, but along comes the BF I'm with now. He used to be GREAT with my son, I couldn't have asked for more out of someone. A couple months after I was with him, I got pregnant and my mom left me homeless. I ended up pretty much moving in with my BF's parents, but there was nowhere for my son to sleep, so he slept with me sometimes and was with his father the rest of the time. When my daughter was born, we thankfully got Section 8 and have been in the apartment we're in now.

Will get to more later, just feeling really bad after thinking about all that stuff again, brings back BAD memories!

[Whispered]

hi cecaic, barely awake here... first thks, for the update.

Oddly enough, we don't have an actual case worker through Section 8. It is just 2 people that take last names A-L & M-Z and every issue you have you speak to someone different. I did just send a letter to the Executive Director explaining my situation, so I'm praying something good comes out of it. I also have an appointment next Monday at Legal Services.

ok.. thats actually normal. Still CALL THEM!!!, take names and notes... Waiting for next wk, imo.. is cutting it a little close.. It could also take some, of the burden, off your mind.. keep calling.. until you find someone nice..helpful..(it may or may not be possible)

I don't know, if you knew i was bipolar or not.. but I am.. so I get that.. and one reason, I said/ asked if needed to be on meds..

sigh, pfffffffff.. hmm.. darlin, the only person, who can fix themselves...
......is them.. if he's not willing to do the work.... then he's not going to change and doesn't seem very fair, to you.

but i also get, that you're a bit lonely and very scared. You rather have someone , then no one, i'm guessing and thats natural.

Thats your stuff, but being bipolar, you MUST be on meds and therapy , does help sooo much.

ok, going to leave that alone, for now... ? tho, What will motivate him, to be the best for you?. but if he's up and down.. he's not thinking clearly.. and needs to be on meds.. for your safety and the kids.. if thats a possibility~ (mental abuse, as you know .. is hard)
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While, at legal aid, may I suggest, asking and finding a good disability lawyer and start looking to get on disability.. The process can take up to 2 yrs.... so that needs to be started.. after the housing gets fixed.
One thing, one step, at a time.. so you don't get overwhelmed.

thks for updating.. what the heck is Cha CHa?
Anyway, I do wish you the best, feel free to pm me, if you need to talk.
and keep us updated.. hugs~

ps: and ohhh i like to write, who is this mysterious person.. handing out assignments~ (as long, as it wouldn't take away work, from c of course! ) lol~

[rbunnymom]

What ended up happening? I hope you got it all worked out and could stay.

[cecaic0609]

Forgot about this post, have been very stressed trying to make rent, but they did give us one last chance, if our payment is late again, we're done.