Fed up with Fil callin my ds a little girl/ baby and any other critisizing thing he can think of!

[CouponQueen23]

Ok This is not the first time he has done this but he acts really childish and tries to guilt our son into doing what he wants by manipulating him.
This is the most resent, This weekend he wants our son to go to his place for the weekend, Friday he would like to have my son go to the vfw for a fish fry the catch is him and ds will be working the fish fry to earn there free meal. Then he tells Ds that saturday he thought about taking a motorcycle ride and then tells Ds that may be they can go looking for hunkting accessories, ( he is pushing really hard for ds 11 yr to hunt.) Ds had already taken his hunters safety course. My Dh doesn't hunt so my Fil keeps telling Ds if he wants his licence he will have to get it with him, because he is a licenced hunter. So any way our Ds gets an allowance each week $20 my Fil knows this he tells our son to bring his $$ when ever he comes up, he has him buy lunch or any other stuff they might do. So today while they were on the phone I listened in. ( I was curious about what he wanted to talk to ds about he called on sunday and ds was at a friends so fil wanted him to call whn he got home he had something to talk to him about but didn't tell me what. ( So I secertly listened in)
I heard him telling my son he needed to bring his $$ for his licence which will be $5 for a jr hunter. Then $ for a knife ... huh!! hello he's 11 a vest bullets. Then his grandfathers says I am not buying all the stuff your gonna need. We never expected that! So he goes on to tell Ds to call him no later than thursday or he can forget about him taking him hunting ever! My Ds says are you serious his grandpa say yup I am sick of waiting for you to grow up and be a man and stop being a kid. Screwing around as usual, Not saving his money and blah blah blah!! No one knew I was on the phone I was furious to think he would talk to my son like that Wtf he thinks he can guilt him into his little trap or what? When my son got off the phone he was so upset, I came in and sked him what papa had to say to him he told me he said he was so mad that he just wanted to hang up on him. I sai you should have. He was being a selfish jerk, I sai you are a kid! I asked him do you want me to call him and tell him you don't want to go up to his house this weekend he said eah I could care less if I go up there again.
He also told him somthing about waiting for his younger brothers to grow up and he will train them to hunt I am so pi$$ed right now I still haven't called him I am trying to think exactly what I am gonna say when I do.
Thanks for reading my vent here anything you can say to help me confront this obnoxious jerk would be appreciated.

[motherofmolly]

knowing me, if this happened to my kid, i would be calling fil back and having a big old talk with him on what he will and will not say to my child....but maybe you should see if your dh wants to do this first.

then ds wouldnt be going with fil anywhere. especialy since fil expects ds to bring money with him.

if your ds wants to hunt, i would check with all your friends and see if someone hunts that would be willing to take him too. a knife is something he will need but only when he is hunting. if you were near me, he would be able to go hunting with my dh and our good friends just because.

your fil should be proud to teach his grandson to hunt and take him hunting. he doesnt sound this way and ds should look for alternate ways to hunt

[CouponQueen23]

Yeah I was so mad while I was typing I totally skipped the part about when he told ds he would train his little brothers to hunt that he told ds he's never gonna grow up he will be a baby all his life.

Other times in the past he has refered to hi as his grand daughter, also said he's a wimp.

This makes me really sad Dh is and only child so these are his only grandchildren, out of our 3 boys he only takes our oldest because the other 2 are high maintence lol.
This is just not cool that he thinks it is ok to talk to our son this way.

[motherofmolly]

my bil had an issue with calling my sister's oldest "a girl", "a baby", " a wimp".....he grew up believing that....took him moving away to figure out that wasnt true....
needless to say my bil finally stopped after my other sister told him what she would do to him and who the real wimp would be

sorry, but fil needs to be told his place when he uses those terms....love my mil to death but she had to be told not to comment on oldest dd's weight...she isnt overweight at all but she seemed to think it was okay to comment...i put an end to it quickly as we dont need girls with more image issues than what they will already have

[mom2lucas]

We had issues with a family member calling DS a "sissy". Um, he's 3. That didn't last long because I put a stop to it. Ugh. Sorry you are dealing with this, but I'd tell FIL where to put his bullying ways. And I probably wouldn't be nice about it.

[leqet]

This sounds like abuse. You need to tighten your rules and don't let your DS be alone with FIL EVER again. Also do not let him talk to your DS or your other children alone on the phone. Tell FIL he can relay any message through you or that you will listen on the phone while he talks to your child. Make it clear you are there listening and he will not say anything bad like that again. Abusers tell their victims things like this to weaken their self esteem so they will be more likely to give into their demands when they are alone. Children want to earn the respect and praise of adults they are supposed to trust (like family members) and they will sometimes go along with things they know are wrong and hide it from their parents out of embarrassment or because they were threatened by their abuser. Please, please protect your children. I know you may not want to believe the worst about your FIL, but it is very unwise to let DS be alone with him given the circumstances.

[beth119]

an 11 year old hunting? EEK!

And the name calling? Double EEK!

How does your DH feel about this? Could he maybe get through to his father better than you can?

[Lori63]

How does your DH feel about this? Could he maybe get through to his father better than you can?

That's what I was thinking. Was this man also a jerk when your hubby was growing up? Just because he's his grandfather doesn't mean he gets to spend time with him-if he's a butt and your son doesn't want to go then he's lost his right to see him.
He sounds like my dad, and yes it is abuse.

[taylordvd]

Yeah, I would not let him go out with his grandfather anymore. If he wants to make that choice when he is older then fine, but not at 11. I think it is hard because you don't want to feel like you are keeping him from a relationship with his grandfather, but that is an important relationship and he doesn't need to feel put down by him. I would ask him to have more respect for ds and tell him exactly why he can't spend time with him by himself for the time being. DS will really appreciate you doing this. He will see that he is more important than his grandfather.

[momof2inohio]

If it were me I would not allow the grandpa to take my son out any more at all with that attitude. I wouldn't be allowing my 11 year old to hunt either. An 11 year old is still a kid there should be no rush to make him grow up and "be a man". Hunting does not make a real man anyways. I'm sorry for what your DS is going through that has to be harmful to his self esteem