Messy housemates who take advantage of my stockpiles

[bunicharmer]

I recently divorced and moved into a house with 2 roommates (RM). These RM own the house free and clear due to an inheritance (from their mother dying), so there is no rent & they have refused me paying them rent. We do, however, split any expenses like utilities and home repairs, so I'm not freeloading. I've also spent countless hours helping them go through their mother's stuff, organizing the house for the new living arrangements, and cleaning the entire house that was neglected during their mother's long illness. One RM is neat, but the other, Jenna, is a slob. I'm extremely grateful for this place to live, but don't think the lack of monthly rent exempts any RM from doing their share.

Besides not contributing in any way to washing dishes, cooking, taking out garbage, cleaning toilets, not replacing the empty toilet paper, etc., Jenna also eats my food and uses my products like laundry detergent. We all know the work that goes into couponing, and I hate someone using all my stuff when I am on a very very strict budget. It's so far beyond rude that to me it's practically stealing. When she drinks all my 50cent Poweraids, I can't just replace them for that same sale price any time I go to the store. Same for the laundry detergent, dishwashing liquid, shampoo, etc.

I'm a nice enough person that I feel like I don't have the right to complain cause she's (jointly) letting me live rent free, but I truely don't think this is appropriate in any way. How do I deal with it???

[CW&M Mom]

Can you put all your stock in your room..and just pull it out when you need it.

[beth119]

Can you keep some of this stuff in your room? I know you shouldn't HAVE to, but in the land of roommates... it is usually what it comes down to...

Sorry you're dealing with this. My little sister is living with the RM from heck under similar circumstances (rent wise, not divorced.)

[jen276here]

Rent or not, you're belongings are yours and you have a right to privacy as well….I'd start storing that stuff in a locked cupboard, under my bed or in my closet - somewhere they have no business being, kwim?

[bunicharmer]

Yes, I've mulled it over that I should keep everything in my room, but I hate the thought of living like that. I could do it with things like the laundry, and it would annoy me every time, but I can't do it with most of the food. Just today, before leaving for work, she had a bowl of my soup that I was going to use for lunches all week. Even if I keep the dishwasher detergent in my room - I'M the only one washing the dishes, so it gets used anyway! LOL

[gatosqueak]

I have no idea what kind of relationship and communication ya'll have. I naturally feel guilty about everything, but it gets kinda old after a while so I've stopped, LOL.

Yeah, they let ya stay there for free but you are pulling your weight. They are not. IMHO they have no leverage to hang "Free rent" over your head. Your divorced, are trying to save money, and you are helping them out. She needs to have compassion that the items you are buying are for you to SURVIVE ON because you were JUST DIVORCED. Sorry, people that take advantage drive me nuts!

Setting boundaries is healthy. If she isn't too dense or full of herself (again, maybe she isn't this bad), explaining having to keep items in your room seems excessive. Or just sayin.. Look. I'm starting over and I'm on a tight budget. I coupon as a part time job to save myself money and provide items for MYSELF. If you need something, ask me. If not, I have to keep everything locked up so you won't touch it. You are stealing my stuff but not asking.

I'm a really easy going person and love to share, but man, get tired of people taking advantage of me being nice. It was worth doing whatever the hell I could to live on my own. My husband and I lived together (taboo, I know!) for a few months before we got married. We both had such bad room mate issues, I think we made the perfect couple LOL. Anyone we previously shared room with were crazy and it can really break apart friendships.

I hope that helps some. I shall get off my soap box now.

[shashabell]

I think you need to bring up the discussion of food. How does it work there? Does everyone buy their own or do you all pitch in a certain dollar amount each week? You need to get the rules and then make sure everyone agrees and sticks to them. If they don't, then you can complain and be in the right.

[bunicharmer]

TY TY for the empathy & support. I was LIVID till I started writing, then my good natured side took over. It helps just knowing these circumstances makes OTHER people mad - let's me know I'm not overthinking this one. BTW... Jenna brought home a new boyfriend who's been staying over every night. She's doing HIS laundry with MY detergent. What jerks.

[3timesoccermom]

I think you should have a round table discussion. Tell them you are grateful to live there and that you love to share and would share all you had if you could but you just can't afford it.

Ask them to check with you first before using or eating/drinking your things. This is not rude at all - it's simply asking for the self-respect for yourself that you deserve.

[shashabell]

TY TY for the empathy & support. I was LIVID till I started writing, then my good natured side took over. It helps just knowing these circumstances makes OTHER people mad - let's me know I'm not overthinking this one. BTW... Jenna brought home a new boyfriend who's been staying over every night. She's doing HIS laundry with MY detergent. What jerks.

Yeah, that would burn me and he's probably eating your food too. You really need to say something.