Messy housemates who take advantage of my stockpiles

[loaslaen]

I'm not their family, I'm not their child, and I've never been ungrateful. This isn't a married couple I'm living with - this situation goes 3 ways, so it is more like RM. I'm not destitute & they are not keeping me "off the street." Even if I paid $1,000 a month, her being co-owner of a house doesn't give her a free-for-all over my things. At best, 2 wrongs don't make a right. No one has the right to take my things without asking, period. I've been very generous with food and such, but it's my choice to give it, it's not her right to take it at will. No matter what you think of my attitude toward it, she doesn't have the right to take what is not hers.

Sorry, but I agree with bali. If you were paying $1,000 a month in rent, then it's more likely that people wouldn't use your stuff. But since you're living rent-free, then those items are more like contributions to the household. It's their house and they have the right to live how they want, and that includes being slobs or not.

If living rent-free only required me to pay half utilities and share a portion of my stockpile, I'd be very thankful, especially since I know how to coupon and can get those items cheaply. I probably would even INSIST they let me supply such items since I am living rent-free. What HCW member wouldn't rather contribute with their stockpile than pay CASH for rent?

I think it is very selfless, even for Jenna, to take you in rent-free and it seems very minor to me to be upset over laundry detergent and soup. You could probably replace that with a YEAR'S SUPPLY of each with what you are saving in ONE WEEK from not paying rent.

I agree with others. Either keep the stuff you don't want to share in your room or find your own place so you don't have to tolerate the actions of others.

[leqet]

Wow, I have been trying to think of a way to respond to this thread without it being taken the wrong way. It probably will be taken the wrong way, but I'll just say it anyway: I would gladly share my stockpile and clean the house for FREE rent and only pay part of the utilities. I don't know all the ins and outs of the OP's situation, but If for some reason it's not worth it, maybe it's time to find someplace else.

[bunicharmer]

I've gladly shared a lot of things & cooked a lot of dinners for everyone, I've gladly done home repairs & everyone's laundry, I've gladly contributed money in ways since they refused rent, and I've made it my intent not to be a burden in any way. I value boundaries, though, and it's a very healthy thing to have.
I'm obviously coming of as selfish or ungrateful to a lot of you, but I'm not in any way. People post things here because they are mad or upset about something, so you heard me mad.
Some play devil's advocate, so I will, too. Say I am entirely selfish & taking advantage of the good will of others. Does it really give them the right to take from me? No, it absolutely does not. You may think it's fair or a trade off, but that's part of the problem. If 2 people decide to let me live here & we agree on a "rent" (because whether it's earmarked to pay mortgage or utilities, they agreed upon what they expected of me), then that is what they found to be fair. I've always done more than what they asked, too, so it's not about monitary trade off. It's about boundaries.
I don't plan on moving out cause I know things will get better once we can all sit down and talk, and I'm not the only one in the house bothered by her lack of boundaries. Her brother will put dirty clothes and dishes on her bed - I will not go that far.
I am grateful to hear responses. Everyone knows when you're mad about something, you'd rather be agreed with, but I understand those of you who don't. No one can hear tone of voice in type, so I ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt that I am trying to make this work. Asking for advise was to help with the conversation, not to determine if I was right or wrong. I don't want to be "taken wrong" anymore than any one of you.

[joshmamabear]

I hear ya! I know most of those who gave advice understand you, too.

if it makes you feel better, I don't think you're selfish or ungrateful after they offered you shelter. I agree with you about personal boundaries and who would not want their personal space/privacy respected? HOWEVER, it seems you find it hard to accept that you cannot control other people's actions. IOW, you cannot make them act the way you want them to, most especially in this case where you don't have much leverage since they're the homeowners. In fact, the moment they feel threatened or they think you're being a pain, they can kick you out on short notice. Please don't take offense when people say if you can't take the heat, you have to find your own place. I know it is easier said than done but it's obvious you're reluctant to do that. I understand you may have your own reasons. let's pin our hopes the lady roomie will finally learn to respect your property. but to be honest and blunt about it, she's an adult and that is unlikely to happen. Even you said,

"Fact of the matter is, slobs always have and always will irritate those they live with"

you know your RMs better than anyone here and since you're optimistic that everything will work out right after your discussion, I wish you the best of luck! I hope everything goes well after your talk and there'll be peace and quiet in your home, at last.