Thanks for your unsolicited advice!

[Hoshi]

Sorry for the very long post. Don't want to wade through the huge post? A condensed version is that I've recently been diagnosed with ADD and have found huge success with medication, but I've been appauled by the critisizim and badly-misinformed, cutting remarks that is often masqueraded as "advice" by people who usually know little to nothing about ADD.

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After much avoiding, procrastinating, and general dread, I finally made a move to get diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder at the age of 20. I was officially diagnosed with severe adult ADD (inattentive) at the end of April and have since found medication and a proper dosage that helps me immensely. I have a new lease on life. Where before it felt like my memory was fading, like I couldn't grasp a thought, like my life was falling down around me....now there's clarity, confidence, and I'm able to really get things done. I could never go back to how it was before, it's like someone flicked on the switch that had sat on "off" my whole life.

There's only one caveat. When it comes to ADD/ADHD, it seems like a lot of people have their own opinion - and feel the need to criticize my choice.

I've had it up to my hair with people telling me how I'm "giving myself speed" (sorry, but 20mg Adderall does NOT equal street speed) and criticizing my choice to be medicated, how I could manage it with a diet, how I'm (and this is my favorite) "just not trying hard enough".

I tried so, so hard. I pushed and pushed. I was in the library (trying to) study for 5 or 6 hours a day. And I'd wake up the next morning remembering next to nothing of it. And people have the need to tell me to try harder?! It was heartbreaking. I virtually never cry...I'm talking once every few years at most. I'm just not a crier, especially when it comes to emotions. Prior to this, the last time I cried was when I was 15 and my mom tried to kill herself. Nothing else in 5 years had made the tears really come. But I weeped like a baby when it got to the lowest point and I began to realize I had to do something. When I talked to my doctor, the tears flowed down my cheeks, no matter how hard I tried to hold them in. I wanted to sob and just cry out all the shame and dissapointment I felt in myself.

My whole point? I'm ready to explode when people shun me for taking medication, or, especially, when they preen like a proud peacock when they talk about how they decided not to medicate their child. Yeah, some kids with ADD can totally get by without meds with rigid structure or by changing their diet. Some doctors overdiagnose ADD/ADHD. But what about those who actually cannot function well without treatment? It's heartbreaking to struggle with yourself, deep down believing you can't be this stupid or inept, but still seeing how it appears. It's heartwrenching. No, ADD meds will not make your kid a zombie...if it does, the dose is much too high or is absolutely not the right medication. No, it does not cause brain damage. No, it does not cause addiction when taken as prescribed (though ADHD itself is known to breed addiction when left untreated!)... yet I've heard all this misinformation spouted by people who crusade against medicating kids and adults for ADHD.

I get that it's hard to understand ADHD or ADD when you don't have it or haven't had someone near you struggle with it. I get that. But it doesn't make me any less livid when someone belittles my diagnosis and what I go through daily. Maybe they're trying to be helpful, but much of it is advice I don't need or want.

Try harder. Don't eat so much sugar/caffeine (durrr, but for many, caffeine helps a tiny, tiny bit...though most adult ADD'ers have a caffeine tolerance like you wouldn't believe. I do myself.). Change your diet - it's just a poor diet! Get more sleep. Exercise will fix it. Everyone has trouble concentrating sometime...you just work through it. You just aren't trying hard enough! You'll get addicted to Adderall (only if you abuse it and take much, much more than prescribed ), ADD is fake - you're just stupid/lazy/don't want to take responsibility, blah, blah, blah.

Here's some advice - stuff that "advice" down your piehole!
And excuse me while I pull my hair out!!

(Am I overreacting? :shrug7:)

[shashabell]

Sorry you're getting all that advise. People always like to think they know more than you do about yourself of your doctor. With all that advice, they should become doctors.
Congratulations on realizing you needed help and getting it. Sounds like you're doing great on the meds.
Don't worry about what people say. I would probably refrain from telling anyone else though because people like to judge like that.
I deal with ADHD and other issues with my son. He's always had problems. We haven't done the medication route since I can't get a 100% clearance on any heart issues with him. I would do the meds if I could be sure. I know it would make his life so much easier. I know he gets frustrated and I can see that ADHD is having a negative effect on him socially. I am trying other things for him like counseling, therapy, and a school aid, but I wish I could just make him normal. You wouldn't believe some of the nasty things I heard from strangers. People can be so cruel when they don't understand or believe that these are real problems. Nobody understands what it's like until they walk in your shoes, so take that shoe attached to your foot and . . . . LOL. You get the picture. (just kidding.)
You're doing what works for you, so keep on doing it and don't worry about those uneducated people.

[tmsmalley]

Unfortunately, when you open up the details, people feel free to comment on them. There's no reason to a) tell people you have ADD or b) tell them you're taking meds. If they know you've got ADD and are now doing better, all you have to do is to say that you've been diagnosed and are "working on it" with your doctor.

Best to you, I've been BEGGING my brother for 20 years to get diagnosed and do something about it.

Tess

[adriansmommie]

Good for you for doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. You are doing the right thing for you, don't let anyone tell you otherwise

[Hoshi]

Unfortunately, when you open up the details, people feel free to comment on them. There's no reason to a) tell people you have ADD or b) tell them you're taking meds. If they know you've got ADD and are now doing better, all you have to do is to say that you've been diagnosed and are "working on it" with your doctor.

Best to you, I've been BEGGING my brother for 20 years to get diagnosed and do something about it.

Tess

I just want to clarify that I haven't been running around screaming "I have ADD!" - I try to hide it as best I can.
Most of that crap was from a recent trip. I was doing a study abroad thing with 10 others (all from TN, USA) to Ireland. We lived in close quarters in hostels, so it took no time before my med bottle(s) were spotted, especially when I take it 2 or 3 times a day (IR, not XR - can't tolerate it). When you're in a foreign country and have a CS-II drug on you, keeping the drugs safe and having proof of the prescription is important. I didn't want to leave them in the hostel and needed pills with me anyway, so kept the labeled bottle on me at all times.
One person saw, and suddenly everyone knew. We had one RN in our group and, thankfully, she kept whatever she was thinking to herself - but everyone else weighed in at some point - telling me ADHD was not real, I was faking it, etc. The prof (also from TN) treated me badly, and even moreso on "bad" days (I was trying new meds and the dosage was too high). She would specifically ask me questions while ignoring everyone else... one day, she asked me why I looked so exhausted all the time, and I said my medication was making me feel ill and that I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism as well and was waiting for those medicines to kick in. What did she do? Target me more, to the point that even others asked me what her deal was with jumping on me for anything. She told me she was upset with my inconcistancy - One day I was more insightful that anyone on the material, bringing up new points and perspective and sparking comment and discussion like she wanted....then some days, I was quiet and only voiced something when prompted.
I just said "I'm sorry. I really am trying."

I don't use it as an excuse, don't get me wrong. But a little understanding..or at least neutrality...would be nice! :hectic1:

[Hoshi]

Oh, and tmsmalley, I forgot to add... (times like this I wish for the edit function)... best of luck with your brother.

I refused to pursue a diagnoses, even when my mother suggested it. I avoided it like the plague because I thought I didn't have it (I was 14 at the time, lol)... it takes a lot to get people moving towards one, because it's often a long, long, drawn-out process. For some it takes years. It took me about 4 months from start to end, but I had to deal with inadequate health care "professionals" along the way - most notably my general doc, who is actually a nurse practitioner, who felt she could treat my ADD. Turns out she knew next to nothing about the meds, went too high on dosage, wouldn't give me enough, didn't know how it worked, etc. 20mg IR works great for me, but of course it only lasts 3hrs...instead of prescribing it to be taken 2 to 3 times a day, her bright idea? Up the dosage to 30mg! It's okay to not know something, but you need to at least say it's over your head and refer me to someone else. But she didn't, and ignored me when I told her it doesn't work that way. I had to get a psychiatrist (most of them are much, much more informed than your average GP doc), whose eyes got huge when I told her about the 30mg. The pdoc actually knew about the meds and knew what she was doing...she took a full medical history and told me all the risks. It's good to know. And she didn't make me feel like a criminal... I have no history of drug abuse, criminal activity, or anything...and the nurse practitioner made me have monthly drug tests to check that the amphetamines showed up. And the nurses all gave me the stink eye when I came in for a refill At the pdocs? None of that hooey. She also said the NP must have some real issues to act the way she did to me, lol. But that's the crap many have to go through to get a diagnosis or find a medication and dosage that works for them.

The thing I regret most now is the time I lost before I knew of the ADD. I wasted so much of it, just swimming in circles and blaming myself.

I wish I had that time back.

@ shashabell: Kudos to you. That's a darn good reason to not medicate. I'm lucky as my family has no history of heart problems and I had an EKG a few years back for something unrelated, so I know my heart is fine. Stimulants have a very small list of side effects compared to most meds, but you don't fool around with stims if someone might have a heart problem.
There are a few other meds that might could be tried, but they generally aren't as well tolerated. Strattera, I believe, also raises heart rate...and when I tried it, had some of the scariest side effects ever. Clonidine (actually a BP med, offlable for ADHD) is used a lot in kids with ADHD who have crazy hyperactivity. But mostly, the options are limited.

Huge praise to you for being so active and looking for alternatives, though. I've never been on the other side, but I bet it's really hard seeing your kid struggle like that. Some of you parents have the patience of a saint, lol.

[billig]

Just say "Oh of course, why didn't I think of that?" and walk away.

[Hoshi]

Just say "Oh of course, why didn't I think of that?" and walk away.

LOL

[floridamom1]

Good for you for making a decision to take control of your life. I can't say I know how you feel, because I don't have add, but I do understand your frustration. My son has raging adhd, and we have chosen medication. Like you, I don't broadcast it, but there are times when it comes up. When that happens, other people suddenly know what's best for my child. And the assumption is that I just put him on medication without doing any research or pursuing any other choices. Grrrr!

billig, I love your idea for a response.

[kval07]

I'm sorry you have to deal with all the know-it-alls. You should keep it it short and sweet, and here is my response of choice for unsolicited advice: "That's nice." (then walk away!)