Electricity Bill Fight

[VivaciousJewelz]

Okay, so I'm really furious with DH right now.

Quick back story:

DH's best friend moved in with us in August. B/c of that, our electricity bill more than doubled, b/c he had a habit of leaving lights on all the time, staying up all night to watch TV, etc. Our electricity bill for August and September was around $500, which is absolutely insane, right? (He's moved out now, btw.)

Anyway, our electric got turned off two weeks ago b/c I had been trying to save up the money to pay it while keeping on top of our other bills, so I ended up taking out a loan to pay it to get our electricity turned back on. Because of this, now, I'm super crazy about the electric in our house and it's making DH mad. Also, our electric company is adding a "deposit installment" to each bill so that we have to pay an additional $100 per bill for the next 3 months, so make up for the fact that we paid so late our electric got cut off, so our bill for Oct/Nov is $320!!

I can understand why he'd be annoyed, so I've tried to resist my impulse to scream "TURN OUT THE LIGHT" when he closes the closet or bathroom door without doing it.

But, for the LIFE of me, I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT REMEMBERING TO TURN OUT A LIGHT WHEN YOU LEAVE A ROOM!!!

Why is that so hard? I woke up this morning, and he had come to bed last night and had left the kitchen light on!! I really wanted to scream!

And the thing that upsets me most is that he talks about how we don't have money (he recently got laid off and is looking for work), and that's the whole point of me starting to use coupons, and cut our cable bill, etc, so I'm furious at his lack of regard for electricity use, and not only that, he is actually UPSET at ME for getting on his case about this. AND he continues to waste electricity.

Am I wrong to be so upset about this??? When I woke up this morning, I just wanted to cry because we've had ENDLESS discussions about how we can save money, and he's leaving lights on all over the place!

I'm not asking him to unplug everything or to eat in the dark, but is it SO bad to fuss at him because he won't turn off the TV when he leaves the bedroom, or he leaves the closet light on all day? It's not like I'm throwing it in his face that I make all the money, I'm just asking him to help me save money!

Does anyone understand my complete and total frustration at this situation??

[megan_love]

&I'm sorry about all thats going on. I know how you feel, my sister lives with me & she does the same thing. she always says "well im going to pay it" & does, but i try to explain to her that she would have money for OTHER THINGS if she would just remember the light, which is not hard at all.

[MrsPinecone]

Men get absolutely bizzarre when they are unemployed. It's the caveman thing coming out. When mine was out of work a few years ago, I came >< this close to killing him and saving myself the aggravation.

[shelleyf]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope it gets better.

[couponaddicted10]

But, for the LIFE of me, I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT REMEMBERING TO TURN OUT A LIGHT WHEN YOU LEAVE A ROOM!!!

What kind of bulbs are you using?

If your not using these already, you might want to switch to CFL Bulbs... I've seen people's bills reduce significantly, just by changing their bulbs...

n:vision 14 Watt Spiral Bright White Compact Fluorescent Bulb (CFL), 4 Pack - 5M814435K at The Home Depot

[lmcconne]

Your frustration is understandable and every place your family can make cuts will certainly help the bottom line. I read recently about a lady who unplugs all her electronics when not in use and anecdotally received much lower electricity bills. It's food for thought at least.

On the light bulb front, I did find an article giving examples of how much it costs per hour based on the bulb wattage. Everything hinges on how much each kilowatt hour costs in your area. But for argument, if it costs .20 per kilowatt hour, a 100-watt light bulb left on for 10 hours would cost a grand total of 20 cents.

[billig]

Well first off I think you need to look at some deeper issues:
He's shut off one thing: listening to you. Some could say it's because you're nagging, and others could say he can't cope with criticism (two sides to every story).
But in the middle there's this: You feel something is very important, and he doesn't care about it as much as you do.
For me personally, to have the electricity shut off is huge, to keep it paid is huge, and so I would have the same feelings as you. And then add some sexist thought I have that it's the mans responsibility to take care of the family and that I think this behaviour isn't very taking-care-of-the-family-ish...and you have a pot of boiling mess.

My perspective on his defense is that it is actually very hard to remember to shut off lights if you don't really care about it. It is a habit, and habits can be hard to change.

And then there's this question, isn't the friend responsible for racking up your electric bill, which if paid by him wouldn't have put you in this position in the first place? And if you feel super angry at this guy, is your husband the reason behind your friend living there, and therefore your payment problem, in your mind, is directly related to your husband? kwim?

A couple things you can change just to keep yourself happy and sane:
Reward him for shutting off the lights when he does remember to help the little neuro-pathway in his brain retrain for a new habit.

Do not say anything when he forgets the lights on except "Did you remember to shut the lights off?" His answer "yes" and you give a great big hug and "THANK YOU!" and his answer "no" should be followed by him saying "I'll go shut it off" and followed by you saying "Thank you!!!" and a great big hug.

And then when you find a light on, just shut it off and don't say anything. You do it because you love him, the big lugnut that he can be.

Then on just a little deeper level: You need to have a talk about what I wrote above...a truce....You need to tell him that if he shuts the lights off, he can tell you he did so (not sarcastically) and you will thank him (not sarcastically).
And you promise to ask him sweetly if he remembered to shut the lights off, and if he did you'll thank him and if he didn't, all he has to say is "no" and then go shut them off and you'll thank him. He won't get any harping from you.

Then on an even deeper level, you could talk about how an item of your household is very important to you and he's not respecting your feelings. And he needs to say something about how he doesn't understand why it's so important to you. Just because I rather agree with your thinking in your post doesn't mean he doesn't have a valid feeling for his side, and you need to honor his feelings just like he should be more considerate of yours.
And sometimes just saying "Look, I know this isn't important to you, but it is very important to me, and I need your support on this or I'm going to go nuts (and you're going to wake up with a fork in your forehead)"

I don't think I'm telling you something you don't already know, but I do know that when I'm in the heat of emotions it's hard to see things that are perfectly clear to the rest of the world.

HTH!!!

[Links2me]

Men get absolutely bizzarre when they are unemployed. It's the caveman thing coming out. When mine was out of work a few years ago, I came >< this close to killing him and saving myself the aggravation.

I was going to say the same thing. I viewed your post as something very different than the two of you arguing over the lights being left on. You both are frustrated because of finances and the lack of employment. I see the arguing as frustration from those two points, not because the light is left on.

On a side note... DH's brother is living with us right now. He does not contribute financially to ANYTHING in this house. He is not working, he holds down our sofa, eats our food by the bucket load, and watches our TV ALL day and ALL night. Our bills for electric, water, and food have skyrocketed since he's moved in. I TOTALLY FEEL YOUR PAIN!!

[billig]

he holds down our sofa

LOL!

[greenrays]

$500 is a normal bill for us around that time of year but I agree, it does suck. We had huge bills in May/June/July and had to make payment arrangements with the electric company

How did you husband react when the elec was cut? Sounds like he's just a shell right now and not really caring about anything. I don't think u need to baby him, I think he needs to freakin snap out of it. He needs to suck it up and quit the pity party feeling. The longer he wallows, the worse it will be.

I hope you and him can talk about this! He needs a good dose of plus maybe a few and then some.

Hopefully he will snap out of it fast b/c no job + holidays makes people really depressed.