When did marriage become disposable?

[queenofthehivemomof5]

My DH and I have been together since we were 14, we had a baby at 16 and lived together from the ages of 16 to 22 before I felt that I was ready to be married to him. We had some bumpy parts and I was young and already a mom and did not think that I needed to add the resposiblity of being a wife yet just because we had a kid. However after my he grew up a bit and we went through some very good pre-marriage counceling I was ready to get married. But it was a long road for me to get to that place. We were so young and now looking back I think it was the right decision to wait. Had we been married just because we had a child together I am sure it would not have lasted.

No marriage is perfect and you cannot predict what will happen in the future. You need to do whatever is right for you and if and when the time is right to get married then you will know. I do hope that you are not waiting for the fairy tale princess wedding to get married. The wedding day is only one day in your life and instead it is te marriage that matters. We had a lovley wedding on a $3000 budget with over 200 guests. And my only regret about that day was not getting to dance (the church we attended did not allow dancing).

If you are concerned about legal right you may wish to discuss things like wills, benificiaries and power of attourney should something happen to either of you.

[Colinsgrandma]

I've been married for 42 years. No one is happy every minute that they are married, everyone who is married for a long time goes through some really rough times. In my view the biggest commitment a person makes in their life is when they make the decision to have children with someone. If you think someone is okay to be your children's parent for the rest of their life you already committed to having him in your life forever.

[angelmvm]

Personally .. I'd have a quickie courthouse "don't tell anyone" wedding just to protect your children. Financially and legally when it comes to SS benefits and Health Care decisions it would be much easier for you and your kids if you have the paperwork done that says you are hitched.

Later.. when you're ready.. do the fairytale wedding in the eyes of God.

JMHO,

[billig]

Don't do it unless you're ready to...especially if both of you agree you are not ready for that....or not even that you're 'not ready', just that you don't want to.
Although I would get some legal papers drawn up to protect any children you have...if one of you dies, falls off the face of the planet, marries someone else, becomes incapacitated, etc.

[billig]

FTA: About the topic...I don't think marriage is disposable, but I know people who do.
I have a really hard time with the fact that a dear friend of mine has not only had extramarital affairs, but has also been 'the other woman'.
It seems she thinks our friendship should be so strong that her mistakes shouldn't interfere with it. She doesn't understand that I hold myself to higher standards and that BECAUSE she's my friend I judge her by those same standards.
I think it's inconceivable to have sex or any kind of relationship with someone elses spouse. I don't care how miserable they are in their marriage...get out of the marriage first, then start new relationships.

[oscamaya]

Originally Posted by Colinsgrandma I've been married for 42 years. No one is happy every minute that they are married, everyone who is married for a long time goes through some really rough times. In my view the biggest commitment a person makes in their life is when they make the decision to have children with someone. If you think someone is okay to be your children's parent for the rest of their life you already committed to having him in your life forever.

Oh yeah, that's the other thing. We have NEVER been in an argument. Not a real one anyways. I had a rough first pregnancy and was hormonal and spent most of my time hating him. We were not together then. Even then it wasn't an argument, it was just me being hormonal and yelling at him. Crazy huh?

I don't think marriage is just a ring and a piece of paper. I think it is a life-long commitment. Even though I don't plan on going anywhere I just don't think I am ready to officially commit myself to someone for the rest of my life.

[jillibean_1978]

I use to file taxes for part time work. There was a couple who would get married on Dec. 31 for filing and then sometime during the year get divorced. Every year. I can't figure out why. But they did it.
I have been married 3 times. First one became disposable when he said having a wife and a baby wasn't a good enough reason to stop doing drugs. 2nd one became disposable when it got abusive. 3rd one is still awesome and going strong. And we felt like we got married the night we told each other what was in our heart and soul. We got married when we found our selves having a baby. Would we have gotten married had I not gotten prego? Yes. Just a couple years later. Will we get divorced? Lord I hope not. I kinda like him. LOL
You both will know when if ever it's time to do it. Live your life as you want. And be happy.

[gradstudentwife]

So we all clipped coupons from today's paper- we filed them, poured over the ads and tried to find the best way to use them...
Do you remember when you weren't a HCW fan? When coupons weren't really worth much to you (25 cents here 75 cents there etc)? When you wondered why the lady in front of you in the line bothered to cut that coupon out -and then held up the line for 2 minutes while she got her 25 cent coupon verified by the manager?
Think of the first time you got a really good deal- maybe you paid 17 cents for 4 bottles of soft soap? Or maybe you cut $10 off your grocery bill?
I think of all of the little things that make couponing fun, exciting, and satisifying....it makes all of the trouble worth it in the end!!
It is very similar to marriage:) it's all the little things that make marriage fun, exciting and satisfying. It's through those little things that you discover that marriage is really worth the trouble!!
Your marriage is only worth what you put into it! It takes alot of work and adjustment sometimes- but other times it is such a RUSH! Overall, it is ALWAYS worth it in the end.
I hope you get married. I hope you experience all of the joy and fun and grow from all of the tough times.
Don't get married because your parents want you to, get married because it's right. I think you'll find that it will be the best DEAL you ever made!!

[frugalphoebe]

Originally Posted by gradstudentwife So we all clipped coupons from today's paper- we filed them, poured over the ads and tried to find the best way to use them... Do you remember when you weren't a HCW fan? When coupons weren't really worth much to you (25 cents here 75 cents there etc)? When you wondered why the lady in front of you in the line bothered to cut that coupon out -and then held up the line for 2 minutes while she got her 25 cent coupon verified by the manager? Think of the first time you got a really good deal- maybe you paid 17 cents for 4 bottles of soft soap? Or maybe you cut $10 off your grocery bill? I think of all of the little things that make couponing fun, exciting, and satisifying....it makes all of the trouble worth it in the end!! It is very similar to marriage:) it's all the little things that make marriage fun, exciting and satisfying. It's through those little things that you discover that marriage is really worth the trouble!! Your marriage is only worth what you put into it! It takes alot of work and adjustment sometimes- but other times it is such a RUSH! Overall, it is ALWAYS worth it in the end. I hope you get married. I hope you experience all of the joy and fun and grow from all of the tough times. Don't get married because your parents want you to, get married because it's right. I think you'll find that it will be the best DEAL you ever made!!

Great comparison, and well put! :)