Should I feel bad?? (kinda long)

[saragillman]

Long story short...

Married hubby while he was in the army.
had DS
got out of army
held misc jobs
had DD
moved home to idaho
started own business

Ok, so we were never the frugal type...always broke...lived pay check to pay check...even though we made a LOT more money than we make now.

When we moved to Idaho, we started our own business...everything was great for the first year. I think we pocketed about 80k. Second year, not so good...maybe 20ish. In october of year 2, we stopped paying our bills. Year 3 (this year) we lost our house, car, credit and business. We finally shut our business down August, 1st, 2009.

My hubby has NEVER liked working for people since he got out of the army...so he always invented ways to make money! So for the last 5 months, he has done nothing but buy stuff just to resell it. It has paid our bills. It has always been tight, but it paid the bills. Lately...the last month or so, it has gotten hard...we always make it...we eat, stay warm and live...but it got hard.

For the last year, hubby has pushed and pushed and pushed for me to go get food stamps. I didn't want to because we were fine without them. So finally today, he got mad and yelled at me because "I have been asking you for a damn year to do this!!!" so I went. It didn't take long...and I got health insurance for my kids!! have not had that since DH got out of the army in 04!!

So yeah, I got food stamps today...a lot of food stamps. Hubby starts his new job on the 28th, and even with the full time pay he will be making, we will get the same amount in food stamps. But I kinda feel guilty getting them when we can survive without! I mean, yeah, this will make it easier...but we would not starve without them. Am I being wierd?? Or am I right in feeling bad?

[meggers]

Normally I would say, if you feel that you could survived without them & felt it was wrong, then it was the wrong thing to do. However, since your DH was so adament about you getting them & if you qualified without doing any fibbing, then I don't think you should feel bad at all. It's my own personal opinion that since your husband asked you to do this, you have an obligation to him to do as he wishes so long as it's legit.

[MaryMary]

Normally I would say, if you feel that you could survived without them & felt it was wrong, then it was the wrong thing to do. However, since your DH was so adament about you getting them & if you qualified without doing any fibbing, then I don't think you should feel bad at all. It's my own personal opinion that since your husband asked you to do this, you have an obligation to him to do as he wishes so long as it's legit.

I hope you are not serious.

[kval07]

I hope you are not serious.

Yes....I was thinking the same thing here. If hubby wants them so bad, why didn't he go apply for them?

If you can buy groceries and none of your other bills and responsibilities are falling by the wayside, then no it isn't weird for you to feel the way you do.

If things are past due, or you aren't paying for this because you have to pay for that, then yes, you need food stamps.

[meggers]

Yes, I'm very serious. It is my opinion that she has an obligation to keep peace in her home. She should not feel bad for doing that if she qualifies for them legitimately. This society tends to tell women to put their men in their place & that takes away from their status as the head of the household. Of course, that's my own personal belief & I'm well aware that many women prefer to share that title. I do not & I stand by my statement.

[nateNnatsmommy]

OP - I don't think you should feel bad, even if you're able to feed your family for $50 a month; if that $50 cash can go toward other needs for your family, then you're perfectly justified.

[wealthybarney]

I have no problem with you getting foodstamps.
We qualify for them, but we both agreed not to apply.
So I do understand your POV and reluctance.

When you have kids, it is a different story, because they have high protein needs for growth & brain development.
If deficient now, it is irreparable later. Kids can't live on cheap carbs only like Adults.
Think of that if guilt feelings rear up.

I don't like being yelled at, and forced to do something against my will either.
I have an extremely strong personality and refuse to be forced.
My DH has an even stronger personality, it's a toss up on who is the most stubborn.

So we read a book on negotiation together called: "Getting to Yes."
We now negotiate everything in a calm give and take manner.
Perhaps when things calm down, you can talk about those feelings with him,
and build a problem solving system together that works for you.

[cthesage]

If hubby wants them so bad, why didn't he go apply for them?

Normally I would say, if you feel that you could survived without them & felt it was wrong, then it was the wrong thing to do. However, since your DH was so adament about you getting them & if you qualified without doing any fibbing, then I don't think you should feel bad at all. It's my own personal opinion that since your husband asked you to do this, you have an obligation to him to do as he wishes so long as it's legit.

My first thought was exactly the same as kval07, but I am sort of landing w/meggers. I don't agree w/the wording here, but keeping peace for the sake of the family is important. Plus, one less thing to cause worry. Think how far you can stretch those FS $$.

[cupunlvr]

Yes, I'm very serious. It is my opinion that she has an obligation to keep peace in her home. She should not feel bad for doing that if she qualifies for them legitimately. This society tends to tell women to put their men in their place & that takes away from their status as the head of the household. Of course, that's my own personal belief & I'm well aware that many women prefer to share that title. I do not & I stand by my statement.

Hi there Meggers With regard to your comments about having an obligation to apply for the food stamps simply because the OP's hubby demanded..........am I correct that you are not married? :shrug7:

[wealthybarney]

Sara, I forgot to tell you that you sound like a super sweet lady. I hope we all said things that will comfort you, and give you support.
That book I mentioned earlier is in the Library.
So, how are you feeling about this today?