Husband's gone making money

[ZabMom]

My husband got a promotion and a second job selling insurance. so he is gone more. am i being unfair when i nag him about it? we have four kids. one 3 months old, a four year old, a two year old, and a six year old high functioning autistic child. so i am here in my opinion raising them alone. he says to cheer up because school is starting next week. but i don't know if its worth it. to have lots of money but he's not around. the kids are always asking me when will he be home. They always say "daddy's at work again."

anyway i need some advice for how to not be angry with him.

[Frugal Bee]

I guess my opinion is that if he is working these jobs to make ends meet, then please don't nag him. He is just trying to take good care of you and your family. If he can find a local job that will pay the bills, then I would go for that option as he plays an important role in your family and it sounds like his family needs him too!

[mzbeers]

I think you should feel lucky that you have a husband supporting you and your family. I know it's hard raising those kids (I have two, and am having a hard time!) Try to focus on the positive things - it will get better! My oldest just started back @ school last week, so I just have the little one during the day - it is a little easier! Chin up!!

[MaryMary]

For many husbands having more money making work is an excuse from undertaking much harder job as a husband and a dad of 4 kids. Have a good talk to him if his 2-nd job as important to your family as him being available to you and your kids, have a plan how your family can go by without extras you can afford now.

[jillibean_1978]

My Dh is looking for a 2nd job right now. I would have been happy getting a part time job, however we talked and both decided I was "better" at keeping house and the kid thing. I asked him if he would be ok with having to work 2 jobs and he said he will miss us but we don't exactly have a choice. We are $500-600 short each month. I told him I thought I would be ok as long as I have at least 2 1-2 hour breaks a week. Even if it's going to the store. Maybe, and I realize it's not easy to do, but maybe you should find some time and some one to sit with the kids so you can have your ME time. taking care of kids full time is harder sometimes than working a full time job.
I understand you feeling angry. I'm in the same boat some days. And woman to woman, momma to momma I'm telling you it's normal and ok. Don't beat your self for your feelings. There are no right or wrong feelings.
Even running a hot bath with some bath salts lighting candles and your fave music for 30 minutes will help. Take care of you. Then you will be your best to take care of them.

Jill

[mom2Isaac]

Goodness....

[jkelstaten]

I think it would help to look at WHY he feels the need to work two time consuming jobs. Is this a financial need for your family? Does he feel this is a way to show you he loves you? Did he lack for $$ growing up and now feels that he needs to work in order to not put his family through that?

EVERY man has built in to him the need to provide for their family. But some are driven by circumstances and feelings beyond that basic emotional need.

If you decide to talk to him about, please do NOT negate the positive thing he is doing for his family. That will only build resentment. Work to achieve a compromise in which everyone wins. Ask if there's a reason he doesn't want to be home. Be prepared to accept the answer to that question. You mentioned that one of your children has some special needs. He may feel overwhelmed by that and not know how to deal with it on a long-term basis. So he may be avoiding it instead. I'm not saying that's the reason, but it could be a possibility.

Shortly after our second child was born my husband was gone upwards of 12-13 hours a day because of working and commuting. We had mutual events scheduled almost every night and then came home to go to bed. We saw each other for a few hours on the weekends. I was really struggling and very angry. I equated it to being stressed with handling the kids all day. I took it out on Dh when he was home. I was miserable to be around, in turn that made him want to be gone more. After our dd was 7 months old we came to the realization that I was actually suffering from post-partum depression and we were able to deal with it. So, I understand what it's like to have a Dh that simply doesn't want to be at home to deal with the pressures that are there.

If it is a financial need that he works both jobs, see what you could do to eliminate that need. Whether through lessening expenses, working yourself (in or out of the home), etc. Please do realize that if you mention you would need to change your lifestyle, that might be a fear of his. He really may feel the need to live the way you do now financially and that living with less means he's not meeting the need.

Finances are a very touchy subject and should be handled very gently. Men's egos are also very delicate (sorry guys!). So handle with care~

[MaryMary]

EVERY man has built in to him the need to provide for their family.

We all really wish it would be true.
Unfortunately some man lack this "build ins", leave providing to the relatives, government, their SO, casinos, lottery, anyone and anything but themselves.. :frown:

Overall, money is #1 reason for divorce, usually there is lack of it, no one complained for excess..

On the other hand, may be your deals and stockpile may save enough so he can cut hours on his 2-nd job? Did you try to work out a budget to see may be there are some leaks you can patch up?
Can you ask any of your friends or relatives (grandparents?) to be with your kids for a couple hrs per week so you will not get burned down?
Can you barter babysitting for some items from your stockpile?

[ZabMom]

I moved to his hometown. My closest family is 8 hours away

[hotcouponmama]

I'm in the same boat. DH is in the army, and the next 8 months is all about getting ready to go to Iraq and then he'll be gone for a year on top of it! And I am really feeling pretty pissy about it myself. So I don't have any ideas for you about how to not be mad but I'll hang out here and be grumpy with you.