Moving into apt after divorce - what to buy/whats included in apt?

[lbrown1618]

Maybe it's too late for this, but have you guys tried to go to marriage counseling at all? I would think that there is some degree of hope if you guys are still sleeping in the same bed. Most couples that actually have filed for divorce would never be able to do this, there would be too much anamosity. (sp?)

Please, please don't take this as any type of lecture, but think of how much better this would be for the kids and for your finances if you two were able to work it out. Maybe a marriage counselor and a financial counselor even, since if I remember from a previous post you said your finances are a mess.

Just a thought!

Thanks for the thoughts. We actually did try counselling and I even bought some self-help type books and a his/hers CD program. He simply doesn't love me anymore. It breaks my heart and hurts because i still love him, but it is what it is. He can't help how he feels anymore than I can change it.

Honestly, we've basically been cohabitating for a couple years so its not really any different. We didn't just keep on sleeping in the same bed right off. I stayed at my parents house the first night everything came to the surface. Then when i came home o slept on the couch bed for a couple days. Then I decided I couldn't do that for the long term and didn't expect him to either. We still care about each other, not to say I don't hate him sometimes too. And bottom line is we both want to do things as right as possible for the kids. Thats why we are still in the house together and will be until the divorce is finalized (which has a 6m waiting period) so we'll be status quo til probably November-ish because we aren't filing for a few months. Its not like one day one of us will get served and be like, "what, you want a divorce?!?" We both know whats coming and for everyones benefit are doing it the best way so everyone comes out better on the end of it, financially emotionally etc. I know there will be some animosity eventually, we'll have to barter over belongings etc - figure out custody arrangemnts. Nobody is going to get everything they want outta this, and we both know that going in. Neither of us wants to destroy our children's other parent either. Yes it will be hard, and no I won't be a doormat, but it is def over and I've accepted that.

My DD already sees a psych for social issues related to ADHD so she is going to do some family sessions to ease the kids into whats coming.

Anyway, thats a whole other thread

[motherofmolly]

one thing to add...most police departments will give you crime stats on a certain address...i suggest you call and check into any place you are serious about....where i use to work, i took calls on places that people were inquiring about that were some of the highest drug/gang areas. they were surprised when i told them.

some agencies have this information available online at their sites. would be worth it for your piece of mind before moving

[CW&M Mom]

One other thought...I know you've mentioned you may be filing for bankruptcy...that may make it extremely hard to rent an apartment...nearly all will do a credit check now days...and a place that doesn't do a credit check...often are skanky. Just an FYI.