How did you get your husband (or wife) on board? - Page 7

Stacy · 04-27-2007, 07:40:35 PM

My DH and I have some problems, and I am surprised that my couponing and stockpiling is not one of those problems. At first, he made some comments about spending too much money or where would we put all of it. I don't think that I have spent too much and everything that I have gotten is going in my closet (I have a walk in closet) with his stuff (razors, soap, etc) going underneath his sink (we have 2 sinks in our bathroom). He has even told his friends and family about me and my stockpile, which he calls *(Our Last Name) 'r us. LOL But the biggest compliment I got from him was about my Tampon stockpile. He was so proud of me that I have a 3 year + supply. Cause those things are flipping expensive!!

I am sorry your DH doesn't understand and gets mad about it. I don't know what I would do if mine didn't understand.

dpmgmo · 04-27-2007, 07:41:52 PM

At our home DH will usually discourage me from doing deals for medicines! He says we don't need it/we won't use it/we don't know what is in there !! etc etc. So I never did the any med deal (even moneymakers/free after ecb's). He usually does'nt say anything about other things, though. Is, infact, happy about the savings !!

So, 2 weeks back he is down with cough, cold, fever and bad throat. And he takes me to cvs and gets everything he wants using my ecbs , for FULL PRICE !! Can you imagine, all my ecbs were wasted just like that , paying full price for something in CVS which is not on sale and with no incoming ecbs ...
His point of view, you still got it for free !!

Now am starting all over again, with no ecb's at all. But atleast he understood the issue and has told i can do whatever i want :) So, when time comes they'll understand the importance of stockpiling !!

allynbayleigh · 04-27-2007, 08:08:00 PM

Me? Tell him to screw himself. Im mean like that though.

Seriously if my boyfriend acted like your husband over my couponing Id leave him. Couponing is the only way I can have my horse, my nice house, my life, while as a single parent going to college full time and working a full time job. Sure you may not need to coupon, but I think that you should take all the money you are saving from couponing, put it in a fund, title it something that you really want to do. When it gets to that limit, show your dh and say okay lets go. Maybe that will open his brain

cutenirish · 04-27-2007, 09:38:58 PM

I am sorry that your DH is having a fit about the stockpile. My DH doesn't care to much anymore! Our bill is less and the stockpile isn't taking ove the house. It is still just the two of us for afew more months and I've got enought HAB stuff for about two years if not longer! It was all free's or money makers. My budget goes towards food more than anything we eat better cause I'm couponing.

He'll come around hopefully! GOOD LUCK!

berlinsmommy · 04-27-2007, 09:52:08 PM

P.S. The whole ham thing...My husband is super supportive of the couponing and loves having the stockpile and he would have been mad about the ham thing too (and I'd be even more mad at myself for doing it). Even though we both agree on stockpiling, we also don't like waste and only buy as much food as we can eat before it expires, and eat reasonably (no, we are not going to have Lloyd's every night for a month even if it was free). I have to agree with you and your DH about waste, but stocking up on TP, body wash, razors, etc. is not waste, they'll get used eventually and they do not go bad.

BzyBee · 04-27-2007, 11:24:07 PM

It sounds like there may be some control issues on both sides.....much more on his end.

I don't like shopping either....have been to the mall but haven't bought more than a pretzel in ages. I go to Target weekly, more than half the time leave without a purchase, the rest of the time the spending is all in budget. Just because I go out of the house doesn't mean I am becoming a shopper and if DH got worried about me spending $10 (even if it wasn't in the budget) I would think he was way over the edge. He has more trust in me than that.

From what you described 'he lets you run the money' because you always do what he wants...any variation sends him into some kind of dictatorial rant. He sounds insecure and throw in a healthy dose of mistrust.

I would suggest doing a budget so that you are accountable to a force that is not your DH. If he is as controlling as is my perception, I doubt he would agree to that unless he is the one to set the budget in which case you still report to him via the budget. It would be ideal if it was something you sit down and agree on as a team...but I don't see much team work in your previous posts.

coupondink · 04-28-2007, 12:00:34 AM

I started couponing when I got married- 2.5 years now. My first shopping trip after he were married was a shocker. $300. I knew right then and there I needed to do something. So I started couponing. Luckily, my Dad taught me well in my childhood- he is a long time couponer. For the past decade or so I always a few here and there, but never like this. Now, I have widdled down my grocery bill to single digits. My goal this year is $0 per month. I was doing ok for the past 4 months, but it is getting harder and harder now.

At first, DH thought I was crazy and compulsive. He is not a bargain shopper- when he was a bachelor he bought all his groceries at 7-11. True! So he thinks I am nuts.

Well it took time, but he came around eventually.

It went something like this:
she is nuts
she is obsessive
she is wasting her time
wow I am sure eating well, no more Popeyes
wow you spent how much on groceries this month?
wow you got a carload of food for nothing?
hmm, let me buy you a chest freezer
let me build you some shelves in the garage
wow you are good at this
brags to friends about my mad couponing skillz

I did a lot of work to help him to come around though.

Every month, I tell him exactly how much I spent on groceries and how much I saved.
I point out good deals occasionally. "wow! look at that! Free Ground Turkey at Acme this week!"
Every time I go shopping, as he helps me unload the car, I am sure to point out how I spent nothing on the load.

I still do all the shopping. He admires me, but will NEVER do it himself. EVER. I am careful to make sure we are fully supplied in everything he will ever need. It is important that the man never steps inside a grocery or pharmacy. He will go for juice and go buck wild and drop $50 on chips and cookies. So far so good. I try to keep fully supplied. He only goes to the store maybe once a year now. LOL.

He now respects what I do. He gets it now. Finally.

It is worth it. Keep it up!

livingalmostlarge · 04-28-2007, 12:03:30 AM

I don't like budgeting to be honest. I sort of am free spirit, I track our spending because I should and am mindful of our expenses but not much more than that.

Nope I tell DH what to do with the money. We trust each other. We bought a house without being married and without me even seeing it. Loved it. He gave me the house solely in my name also and money to buy it because he couldn't be on the mortgage without marriage. I pay all the bills and he trusts me to do so. I manage his retirement accounts and our investments without his input at all. I setup his 401k, Roth IRA, regular investment account jointly. He doesn't like to spend money.

I guess part of it is he doesn't like stuff in general too. When we meet I must have had 40 pairs of shoes, 20 purses, a ton of clothes, probably 10 pieces of luggage. I didn't buy a thing though my mom and I are the same shoe/clothes size and everything she bought and didn't use I inherited. Shop-o-holic, she still does to this day buy stuff and sends it to me tags still on! Sometimes she'll call while shopping and say they have this on sale I'm sending it to you...it'll look great. DH hates when she does that and wants me to throw everything away.

I think the stockpiling is the same thing. He doesn't want me to have a huge amount of anything. I think it's because his parents lived really frugal lives and never bought anything. They are super cheap (not frugal, but cheap), and there is nothing extra in their house. Same IKEA furniture for 30+ years. He never had anything growing up because his parents were very strict. Everyone had one towel, one toothbrush, one place setting, 1 sheet, 1 blanket, etc. Just minimalistic to the extreme no rugs, no bathmats, nothing really in the house. Yes they shopped sales but they never stockpiled because they didn't use much of anything. And everything was pretty much made at home, all home repairs they did (DH spent this Christmas installing hardwood floors at his parents house). And they are millionaires by the way because of their lifestyle my in-laws and can easily retire right now at 54 and 55. But to them to spend any extra money is wrong. They appear to enjoy wine, but never buy any for themselves. Two years ago we went to visit relative in China and Japan and MIL decided if we could spend the money doing that she would too. 3 months after us she went finally.

We bought ourselves new pots and pans after we got married with GC to Macy's, and last summer when MIL visited she commented on them. Very expensive, quite a waste of money. Also why did we buy so many place settings? Why did we even buy place settings? We had our inherited walmart set from my former roommate for 4 people and there was only 2 of us? And why did we need so a knife set? I know that DH felt somewhat guilty over all these expenditures, though he was very happy when we made them and said it was great. The stuff we replaced, we kept the old stuff and had it for 7 years.

He still can and does wear clothes from high school, but until there are holes I can't throw any clothes away nor can I replace them even salvation army stuff is too expensive BECAUSE it's unnecessary. He's got 10 long sleeved, 10 polo, 4 khakis, 1 jacket, 1 sweater for work and that's it to be rotated over 2 weeks and the jacket and sweater he's had almost since we meet since we bought it together. Also one watch that he repaired instead of buying a new one when it the links broke from being worn out. It would have cost $35 to mail out to fix but he did it himself, because the store couldn't do it. Also 1 pair of shoes to replace his old ones that wore out after 5 years.

We come from such different families that it can be difficult. My mom said to keep buying stuff and he'll come around that it's okay to own stuff. It's not materialistic as he makes it out to seem.

I convinced him it's okay to buy a bottle of wine or beer for us to enjoy. It's now a monthly thing. And that we're not alcoholics or spendthrifts.

I guess it's a mental thing. That we are allowed to enjoy our money. That it's okay for us to spend some money on ourselves. It's not greedy or selfish.

cutenirish · 04-28-2007, 01:30:14 AM

Well his upbringing (not bad) makes alot of sense to how he seems to be as an adult :) He will come around eventually I'm sure!

Macaela25 · 04-28-2007, 05:00:34 AM

My DH had the exact opposite reaction to couponing. He ws raised very frugally where there wasn't much of anything to be had by anyone (Eastern Europe). He was thrilled to be able to build up months and years supply of things we use daily so that we can use the money elsewhere. I guess it's all in the POV. Americans are so "stuff" driven that it's rare to find voluntary minimalists anymore.