How did you get your husband (or wife) on board?

[FantasyIsland]

I agree with Lisa. Only I'd go further - tell DH that the money he spent is not coming out of the grocery budget, but out of his "pocket-money/lunch-money/nightoutwiththeboys" budget. No way should HIS extravagance affect both of you in that way. That was purely out of spite. However, I would sit down and have a talk. Ask him if "doing ok" is good enough. Are there things you both want for the family that you just can't quite afford? Are there things he wants but knows he won't have? What happens when a car breaks down? Does it mean skimping on something else that week? This is where you say to him that the $160 he spent by not using the coupons could have paid for a "XXX".

Passive-aggressiveness has no business BETWEEN a couple. If you're not working together, you're living single.

Fan

[BzyBee DH]

If you don't have a written budget, it is hard for people to realize what they were spending pre-couponing, and how much they are saving.

It is not normal or mainstream. There is a little discomfort in that.

I am supportive of my wife and help a lot, but I don't know how I'd handle it if my wife gave me a list, and coupons and asked me to do a lot of shopping. That is beyond my comfort zone. I might occasionally buy an item or 2 with a coupon. I will shop with her, but when she gets to checkout, I hide. I don't like dealing with the cashiers, etc but my wife likes the challenge.

So I would understand his limits, and work it over time.

But I would answer his questions -

Originally Posted by bzymom22

"You have too many coupons."

I tell him, no 4 is nowhere near enough. I need to buy 6 -12 months of groceries to really start saving. Probably, I need to double to 8 sets of inserts, at least.

Originally Posted by bzymom22

"If you keep buying more stuff, I'm going to have build bigger cupboards."

Probably more than that. Shelving in a temp controlled room, etc. will be needed.

Originally Posted by bzymom22

"Don't buy anymore. We can't fit any more in the fridge."

I'd agree to not buy more than the fridge can handle, but a chest freezer is an option - but, later, after your DH has bought into it.

Originally Posted by bzymom22

"We're doing okay. We don't need to use coupons."

If ok is like most Americans, i.e. they live just above or below their income, not being able to save for their retirement, etc. But, I'd rather find some areas like groceries & HBA to be different, "strange" or even "weird" and do better than most and save some money here and put that money somewhere else.

In short, some of your DH summations are correct but not in the way he may have been thinking about it! Tell him he's right, but lower your expectations of his doing a big shopping trip with coupons...He might be more agreeable to build shelving for your expanding stockpile, etc - especially, if he starts to visualize the savings AND he doesn't have to shop!

[6months]

One of the first things I did was take note of certain things my husband loves and we were ALWAYS running out of and not always able to afford until payday.
Ketchup
Pickles
Olives
Jalapenos
Miracle Whip
Mustard
Nuts

These items I started stockpiling. Every time they went on sale bogo, I bought more and used my coupons from trades and inserts. Now, we have tons of each, easily enough for a year, and the next time they each go bogo, I will only have to buy one or two to keep the stockpile replenished.
I told him while I was obsessing over the pantry that I had determined that we will not run out of these items again. That pretty much niched it for me right there. He is so easy to bribe.

[wabashriver1]

I am so sorry you don't have a dh that's in your corner with couponing. At first my dh thought that couponing would cost us more. He had the (flawed) logic that coupons are for junk food and other stuff that we don't typically eat. That's before he saw me in action, especially at CVS. It didn't take long before he saw all the free stuff we DO use that I was getting with ECB's. And now he's totally on the same page. He even volunteers to go to CVS for me complete with a list, coupons and ECB's. It's a thrill for him too!

Bribery like Lisa suggests usually works if common sense doesn't! Good luck!

[Q_ponQ]

Okay, he "thinks" you are doing "alright"
and to him you are!
Does he want to do better?
do he want to have a nice little "nest egg"

Seems to me like he thinks that couponing is for the "poor"

couponers are smart! ingenious actually!

a bit of my story, we were doing "alright" had a small amount of savings...
used credit cards!

now, we are doing great, have much more savings.....

paid off the Credit cards...have a whole new budget in place which included "emergency money for illness and car repairs"

One thing I know for certain, and I have made this mistake before...

you both have to sit down and work on the budget together...

My reasoning, is that I want him to know what is going on, in case of an illness to me or him...
we would both be able to handle it.

goals! do each of you have them, have them as a couple?

some people don't like the WORK it takes, and it is very hard work to do all of this....

I wouldn't get mad at him....but I would certainly have a talk about "goals"

and ask his help in achieving them
You are after all a team, right?

Keep you chin up, my DH is amazed....

as he watches our $aving$ grow!

and is living debt free!

[maree_strawberry]

Originally Posted by BzyBee DH

If you don't have a written budget, it is hard for people to realize what they were spending pre-couponing, and how much they are saving.

It is not normal or mainstream. There is a little discomfort in that.

I am supportive of my wife and help a lot, but I don't know how I'd handle it if my wife gave me a list, and coupons and asked me to do a lot of shopping. That is beyond my comfort zone. I might occasionally buy an item or 2 with a coupon. I will shop with her, but when she gets to checkout, I hide. I don't like dealing with the cashiers, etc but my wife likes the challenge.

So I would understand his limits, and work it over time.

But I would answer his questions -


I tell him, no 4 is nowhere near enough. I need to buy 6 -12 months of groceries to really start saving. Probably, I need to double to 8 sets of inserts, at least.



Probably more than that. Shelving in a temp controlled room, etc. will be needed.



I'd agree to not buy more than the fridge can handle, but a chest freezer is an option - but, later, after your DH has bought into it.



If ok is like most Americans, i.e. they live just above or below their income, not being able to save for their retirement, etc. But, I'd rather find some areas like groceries & HBA to be different, "strange" or even "weird" and do better than most and save some money here and put that money somewhere else.

In short, some of your DH summations are correct but not in the way he may have been thinking about it! Tell him he's right, but lower your expectations of his doing a big shopping trip with coupons...He might be more agreeable to build shelving for your expanding stockpile, etc - especially, if he starts to visualize the savings AND he doesn't have to shop!

My DH, He has selective hearing!!...lol...& threw out 3 boxes of my proof (RECIEPTS)!!!! What a BUTT! ah well?! All he knows Is that he has more $$ to blow away!..........It fell outta the sky...

[diva_dynamite]

I wonder if part of it may be a 'provider' thing with your DH (even in you make equal $). Maybe, your stockpiling is giving him this weird idea that you are thinking he's not making enough for you to live on, and you have to take drastic measures (stockpiling). Fortunately, I've been stockpiling HBA and some food for awhile, since DH has has long-term plans to go to grad school. He used to think I was a little too obsessive on my shopping preparations, too. Well, in the meantime, he developed some health problems that has kept him out of work since September, and his benefits ended at the beginning of 2007. We are living on what we had in savings, my job (which doesn't pay enough for me to live on alone, much less 3 of us) and our tax refund. Thanks to a lot of promo deals at Albertson's in the last few months, rebates, coupons (thanks to a lot of generous HCW traders) and CVS & Walgreens, we are still hanging in there. I hope nothing serious like this happens to you, bzymom, but it sure has gotten DH on board. He doesn't come shopping with me often, but when he does, he's right there at the UScan with me, unloading the basket. Sometimes, they just need a little something to clunk them on the head.

My DH just laughs. He thinks I am crazy I think. I call this my hobby. I work full time, have 2 boys, plus my sister and her 3 year old living with me. Plus I am an exempt employee so always work more then 40 hours. So this is my outlet. Love it and love getting a deal!!

[hotcouponmama]

Originally Posted by arose304

My DH just laughs. He thinks I am crazy I think. I call this my hobby. I work full time, have 2 boys, plus my sister and her 3 year old living with me. Plus I am an exempt employee so always work more then 40 hours. So this is my outlet. Love it and love getting a deal!!

Same here. Work FT, belong to WAY too many committes and legislative groups, and now we have 4 extra kids living with us, so I love going to the store - totally relaxing.

My husband was convinced early on in our relationship, and the only thing he hates is that I am so disorganized about the whole thing. There have been times when he's been like "enough is enough", and we were trying to whittle down the stockpile this year - this was supposed to be the "fast" year where I tried not to shop. But now I'll be shopping for two families for awhile, so DH is very supportive.

And with the site, he's been really good about keeping us up and running, so I can't complain about that either. But I have heard OP's story a lot. Like the thing about people who can afford not to use coupons cause they make good money.....makes me want to scream!!! We make good money - couponing (and other smart shopping) stretches our money by about $20K a year. There's really no good reason not to.

My sister sounds more like your DH than my DH does. She's always envious of the sales, but has "no time for hassling with coupons". She's a SAHM who runs a daycare out of her house. She has no other outside activities she does, and I would have to say I am twice as busy as her, but she has no time and thinks it's a waste.

I agree with those who say to pocket the money you didn't spend. I did that once and banked about 1200.00 and DH was thrilled.

Hotcouponmama I am like you. Belong to alot of different things plus have to do alot since I work for a non-profit. Lots of things after hours. But I get a high on saving money. We can save and go on trips and help others. My sister is the 5th set of people that I have taken in to my house to give a start and it gets expensive feeding everyone. Plus 2 boys, one is teenager, both eat all the time. Plus my DH only likes name brand things. He can tell when I buy off brand Green Beans, and complains. He complains sometimes about the paper everywhere. I try but am just to tired sometimes. But he know I enjoy it and then he can enjoy WOW.

I know people look at you like your poor when you use coupons. If they only knew!! Plus my store in the basement, but it makes me happy!!!! So I don't care what they think. Plus I have outgrown worrying what others think!!! FINALLY!