At what age do you think a child should no longer be carried?

[hrborn]

I still pick up my itty bitty 4 year old from time to time, but I can barely pick up my little man who will be six in February. They grow so quickly. I'll pick them up so long as I can and I still cuddle with all of them on the couch, including the 15 year-old when she's in the mood :).

[CW&M Mom]

LOL. Even though it started out as a discussion on...is typical the right word? kids, this thread has made me think twice about strangers I've seen in public.

? though...is there a reason a special needs child would require the use of a pacifier past toddlerhood? I've seen kids ranging anywhere from threeish to looking like they needed a bra with pacifiers, and that's really hard for me to stomach.

Some special needs kids are tube fed and have huge oral aversions...and the pacifier is the only oral thing they will allow in their mouth.

So I know this may seem strange..but the mouth tends to crave oral stimulation..when you eat you get that oral stimulation. When you can't eat ..you crave it from other means. I have more then one SN parent regret taking away the only means of oral stimulation the child had..because then the child used very negative things like garbage or lint or similar things to get that stimulation from.

also for very severely CP type children...trying to brush their teeth is a challenge because often they are very oral adverse (so you try to brush their teeth and they vomit)..if they take a binky..it helps keep them from getting oral adverse..the more you can keep different things in their mouth..the easier things like brushing their teeth is.

[Macaela25]

Interesting...

And I agree with amylynne. I interact with parents and their children daily and I see many parents who try very hard and parents who couldn't care less, as long as the child is quiet and compliant.

I am way more into having an independent, confident child than quiet and compliant. This evening it took two hours for my five year old to argue, boohoo, and whine his way through a chore I could have done myself in ten minutes (cleaning up all the new to toys from Christmas he's strung all over the house). It was a major pain in the rear and way inconvenient for me, but he learned a great deal about personal responsibility, and that's the whole point.

[IntoTheMystic]

Interesting...

And I agree with amylynne. I interact with parents and their children daily and I see many parents who try very hard and parents who couldn't care less, as long as the child is quiet and compliant.

I am way more into having an independent, confident child than quiet and compliant. This evening it took two hours for my five year old to argue, boohoo, and whine his way through a chore I could have done myself in ten minutes (cleaning up all the new to toys from Christmas he's strung all over the house). It was a major pain in the rear and way inconvenient for me, but he learned a great deal about personal responsibility, and that's the whole point.

I am a teacher of students with disabilities, and I also teach regular education classes. I think relationships with, and attitudes toward, parents is all about your headset. I have NEVER met a single parent who "couldn't care less" or who was "lazy". I continue to believe parents want what is best for the child and do the best they can do. (Caveat: unless mental health issues are involved.) It may not be the "best" that I could do, or what you could/would do, but it's the best they can do.

Parents cannot fight every battle. (Maybe the pacifier for the 4 yo is a bigger problem for the aunt, than it is for the parents? Maybe the sippy cup annoys the teacher more than them? As the parents they get to choose, not the teacher. Maybe they like carrying their child, and you see it as "babying" and they see it as stealing moments of snuggling while they can.) Parents may have other siblings to care for or even aging parents. They may have job/financial issues, medical issues, relationship problems, substance abuse issues, etc. Who I am to judge when parents when parents don't pick a battle that I personally would?

It is far too easy to judge parents, and to set up an adversarial position with them. The way to build bridges with parents is to not make a big deal out of everything, and to remain nonjudgemental. If there is an important issue that I need parents to work on at home (as it is spilling over into school), I ask for their help and we come up with a workable plan that they can enforce at home. Sometimes I'm surprised to find out parents HAVE been working on the issue at home and it isn't working and they are happy to talk about it and get help from the school. It is all about respecting parents, and open communication. They are the parents! Not me. I may have a MSED, and years of teaching experience, but ultimately it is their child.