Baby Last Name Question... And your opinion...

[mommy22boys]

An acquaintance of mine (ex-coworker who comes to me for advise) is pregnant by a man who wants to have nothing to do with her or the baby. He moved across the country when she told him she was pregnant and told her to never speak to him again and that he doesn't even think the baby is his. Blah blah blah. Anyways, she calls me to ask me if she can still give the baby his last name even though they aren't married and he won't be there when the baby is born.

Yes, I think she is crazy but anyways, does anyone know whether or not she can? In Iowa? My fiance and I had a baby together recently and we aren't getting married until this coming Feb... I remember him having to fill out an affidavit for child born out of wedlock in order for his name to be put on the birth certificate as the father.... but did that have anything to do with our son's last name? (We gave him fiance's name since we are getting married soon anyway.) So can you name your baby any last name you want or does it have more legal background than that?

So now that the legal stuff is out of the way... I'm just curious your opinions? I told her that maybe she should just give the baby her last name, which is her ex-husband's last name. She said NO!!!! Because it's not her ex's baby. But the way I see it, she isn't changing her name back after divorce and she has 2 kids with that last name so at least they would all have the same name. Or she could give the baby her maiden name. I don't think she should give the baby the biological father's last name because he is not planning to be in the picture at all. I think she thinks if she keeps pushing it all and gives the baby his name, he will come back and fall in love with her. But the more she has pushed the baby on him, the nastier he has been to her so I just don't think her "plan" will work and I think she will regret giving the baby his name (if she even can.) So what do you think? Her "married" name, her maiden name, or the father's name? She probably won't listen to me regardless but I'm curious to get more input so I may be able to see it a different way or may find a better way to explain my feelings to her.

[Mama Stu]

Here in Iowa you can give a baby any last name you want, or at least it use to be that way.

[434Teresa]

I am in TN to give a baby a last name other than yours the father has to sign for you to do so.

Myself I would not do it even if I could. I would want it to have my last name.

[5kidsmama]

at this point the father is a sperm donor, she should really think down the line, and how she plans on explaining the last name if he truly decides not to be in the picture, and the effect on the child then

[IntoTheMystic]

Check out this link Google Answers: baby's last name

Now, about my opinion...
I am the 60's "love child" of two parents who were both married (to other people) and who each had 5 children from those marriages. (What were they thinking? ) My mother chose to give me my father's last name. I used to wonder why she did that. It would have been so much easier for me (I thought) if she just gave me her husband's name. Her husband was a come and go sort of guy, and he left for the last time about 18 months or so before I was born (or so the stories go). Anyway, I always thought that if she had simply written down her husband's name, I would have had the same name she ultimately kept all these years, and the same name as the 5 sibilings I was raised with. She could have "passed" me off as the husband's child, since he frequently came and went, and she could have avoided the shame of having an illegitmate child in the 60's. The reality is that she made the right decision. By giving me my father's last name, she was telling the truth. And that is a powerful thing. I truly believe that keeping secrets is far more dangerous than the truth will ever be.

So, IMO, the baby should take the father's last name, or at the very least make sure the father's name is on the birth certificate. She can do that through legal means if he won't own up. The child has a right to know. Always.

[CW&M Mom]

In that situation I would probably give the baby the father's last name..and i would do my best to nail child support to his butt whether he likes it or not.

[mommy22boys]

In that situation I would probably give the baby the father's last name..and i would do my best to nail child support to his butt whether he likes it or not.

The child support would be a good plan if he had ever worked a day in his life.... but I don't see that happening anytime soon. Ugh.... she doesn't always make the best choices. :(

[gatosqueak]

yeah, agree with above.. just for the child support issue :)

[CW&M Mom]

The child support would be a good plan if he had ever worked a day in his life.... but I don't see that happening anytime soon. Ugh.... she doesn't always make the best choices. :(

He owes it whether he works or not. HE files taxes and gets money (cause you can get money even when not working)...bingo it's hers!!!