The official Duggar family discussion thread!

[Dengineer]

I love the Duggars! The ONLY thing I don't like about them is that watching their shows makes me feel like a complete failure because my 3 children are nowhere near as well-behaved and content as their 18 kids are.

I think a child being raised as the pampered center of the universe is much more detrimental to their development than being a member of a family where they are expected from an early age to help out in the family and look out for each other. Why has a life of complete leisure, along with all-out rebellion and mayhem become the expected norm with kids now? It hasn't always been that way. In the olden days (when almost everyone had 8 or 10 kids and even 18 kids wasn't unheard of!) children were at least expected to help out and teenagers were expected to work as hard as adults (Anyone read Little House on the Prairie lately?). I don't think kids should have to do EVERYTHING around the house, but they should definitely be expected to contribute to the family even from an early age. JMO!

[jkelstaten]

Originally Posted by slickcat79 But I don't think much of their education, experiences and the way that prepares them (or doesn't) for life and different opportunities in the future. It's extrememly difficult for anyone, no matter how committed, to teach 10-12 different grade levels at the same time PLUS keep an eye on a handful of toddlers. I remember the lesson she was teaching about bankruptcy; the younger children could barely pronounce the word, but I'm sure the older already had a pretty good grasp of what it was. She had to interrupt the lesson to tell one of the little ones to play quietly, and the girls left the lesson before it was over to make lunch. They've been questioned about their lack of individuality, and the best responses they can come up with is that they like to do different things or they like different foods. Not a lot of differentiation, and in a family that size, it doesn't really matter what you'd like to be doing or eating. You do what the family is doing, and eat what they can make and serve to 20 people. The way that I was raised, and having developed a very strong sense of individuality, I guess I just don't get the fact that not one of them can ever express their own opinion. I mean, a 20-year-old man (who is about to get engaged) asks his parents if it's ok if he holds hands with his fiance? An 11-year-old claims that rock music is awful because it doesn't mean anything-has he ever been allowed to hear it? How many kids that young actually develop their own opinions about music?

Do you homeschool? If not, then it would probably be good for your to save your judgement on that. I have 3 kids, two of which have started school (a 4 year old and a 5 year old). Even with just those two, if I'm teaching a lesson for both of them, I have to explain things differently to both. I know there are things that the 4 year old is not ready to understand, but she at least understands the basic concepts. The 5 year old on the other hand knows many things that I'm teaching the 4 year old. I also have a 14 month old who requites attention. She can get in the way sometimes and she interrupts when it's not convenient. That's just life with homeschooling. I'm sure that's not the only time she will ever teach one lesson. My SIL has 5 kids she is homeschooling & does unit studies for science with all of them. They all get age appropriate tasks and as they get older they will review the subject again to gain more knowledge.

There are also times when we will stop in the middle of a lesson and move on to something else. That's the beauty of homeschooling. You make the schedule.

As for individuality, I don't allow my 3 children to decide what we eat as a family. They eat what we have and that's it. I take their likes/dislikes (the dislikes are very few) into consideration, but I don't have to voice it out loud to make those decisions. The only time they get to chose their food is if we go out eat. I actually wish we ate out less because it would be healthier and cheaper, but the lifestyle we choose sometimes requires that we eat out. They simply chose to eat their meals at home. That is their choice.

As for physical contact before marriage, we may feel that's a bit extreme, but the guy isn't getting his girlfriend pregnant either. So which is worse?

And with the music, my 5 & 4 year olds have very strong opinions which they have formed about music. They think Hannah Montana should be singing about God instead of about boys. I didn't tell them that. I told them I didn't really like Hannah Montana (just like I don't care for any of the teeny-bopper shows that are on) and they asked what her songs were about. So I told them. They formulated their opinion based on that. Their cousins on the other hand love the girl & my kids have no problem standing up and voicing their opinion. They only saw one episode of Hannah Montana and that was over a year before this discussion took place.

[1tricky1]

I want to add that I only have three kids (nope don't want any more!), and my oldest is a "buddy" to the middle child, He watches over him, holds his hand crossing the road or in the parking lot, helps him in the bathroom, gets snacks for him, helps him get dressed, It is just a natural thing when you have siblings. my son does it because he WANTS TO! I dont ask him to. It was that way with my brothers and me as well (4 of us) My oldest brother had a lot of responsibilities, He is 45 now and is a Fireman. Responsibility turned him into a wonderful (and happy!) individual who helps other people everyday.
It use to be normal to have large families (my Father is one of 13) I have to laugh at those of you who think it is soo odd! LOL!

[Dengineer]

One more thing--there seems to be confusion about what parenting consists of. My 8 year old helps her little brother with things like getting dressed and fixing snacks, and she entertains the baby sometimes and even takes her outside and watches over her, but that doesn't mean she is actually PARENTING her little brother and sister. She doesn't have a job and earn an income to provide for them, she doesn't decide when they need medical care, she doesn't provide their clothing and food, she doesn't discipline them and she doesn't make other decisions like where/how they go to school, where the family lives, etc. Those are the jobs of PARENTS, and as far as I can tell the Duggars do all that in their household as my DH and I do in our household.

If dressing, feeding and playing with kids, doing laundry and cooking are the most important aspects of parenting, then daycare workers, babysitters and housecleaning services across the country are doing a whole lot of parenting!

[harmons89]

Children should be allowed to be children, they are only children once. Teaching a child to fold/put away their clothes, make their bed and pick up their toys is all well and good, but having young girls cooking the meals, doing all the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and young boys mowing the yard, too much! If mom and dad did these things as well as parent and work, they would be far too tired to make another baby every time the egg drops. Of course, to each his own, we are in America! I hear how my girls won't know how to take care of themselves when they leave home, but then again I wasn't worked to death as a child or young girl and I figured it out when the time came.

[1tricky1]

Teaching a child to fold/put away their clothes, make their bed and pick up their toys is all well and good, but having young girls cooking the meals, doing all the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and young boys mowing the yard, too much!

Definitley a difference in parenting styles. I only have three boys and my 7 year old already has to do much of these things. (I wont let him mow the lawn even though he begs to!)
My hubby never had to do a thing growing up and he dosent want his kids to be raised the same way. He had a lot of trouble once he was out on his own and had to learn everything once he was grown up, he dosent want his own kids to go through the heart ache he had to go through!

[jolly321]

I watch the show and my favorite character is the neice to mom and dad Dugger. She is so normal and tells her uncle, daddy Duggar about how things are. I think she is the best person on the show.

[frugalphoebe]

Originally Posted by harmons89 Children should be allowed to be children, they are only children once. Teaching a child to fold/put away their clothes, make their bed and pick up their toys is all well and good, but having young girls cooking the meals, doing all the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and young boys mowing the yard, too much! If mom and dad did these things as well as parent and work, they would be far too tired to make another baby every time the egg drops. Of course, to each his own, we are in America! I hear how my girls won't know how to take care of themselves when they leave home, but then again I wasn't worked to death as a child or young girl and I figured it out when the time came.

I can agree with you that children are only children once.....but I still think that they should have responsibilities and have some clue how the house works. Life isn't all about playing/fun.

I wish that my mom would have taught me to cook, do laundry, sew as well as other things. I knew nothing when I moved out at 18...I'm 26 and still trying to get things down. There is a big difference between being worked to death and learning the "basics" to life. I try to teach my children these things as well, and I have yet to hear them complain about it.

I admire the Duggars. I think they are doing a great job! More power to them!

[jkelstaten]

Originally Posted by harmons89 Children should be allowed to be children, they are only children once. Teaching a child to fold/put away their clothes, make their bed and pick up their toys is all well and good, but having young girls cooking the meals, doing all the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and young boys mowing the yard, too much! If mom and dad did these things as well as parent and work, they would be far too tired to make another baby every time the egg drops. Of course, to each his own, we are in America! I hear how my girls won't know how to take care of themselves when they leave home, but then again I wasn't worked to death as a child or young girl and I figured it out when the time came.

I started doing laundry for the family when I was 8. My brothers and I all mowed the lawn (1 acre) with a push mower (I stopped at around age 14). We all had house cleaning duties that did not include our own space. I also cooked for myself during the summer while my mom was at work all the way from 6th grade until I left home. We also did gardening as a family, all the shopping together, plus we were all involved in extra-curricular activities and all had high grades. We also had tons of "down-time" to play and pursue our interests.

I understand that my mom was a single mom with 3 kids, so her efforts were stretched thin, but I don't think that what she asked of us was unreasonable. Of course I thought it was terrible at the time, but I lacked the self-discipline and sense of family responsibility that the Duggars have. And I NEVER thought I was worked to death.

So I totally do not think those responsibilities are too much. Also, I come in contact with a lot of young ladies & young men (college students and such) that lack the knowledge of how to do much more than boil water and cook macaroni and they HATE it. They wish that their parents had taught them more and allowed them to learn those skills. Now they are entering life on their own and have to learn it all by trial and error. Those skills include things like learning how to live frugally, how to shop wisely, even how to do laundry. To me it's absurd that kids are growing up without those skills. (By the way, I'm only 27). One couple I know wants to get married, but they have NONE of those skills. They live with their own parents and both mothers do everything for the kids (cook, clean, laundry). These "kids" are 21 and 26. And it's not a matter of them not wanting the responsibility. The parents have simply decided that since their kids are in college, they still need to be taken care of. (The 26 year old did serve in the military and that's why he's still in college and at home.)

[harmons89]

Originally Posted by 1tricky1 Definitley a difference in parenting styles. I only have three boys and my 7 year old already has to do much of these things. (I wont let him mow the lawn even though he begs to!) My hubby never had to do a thing growing up and he dosent want his kids to be raised the same way. He had a lot of trouble once he was out on his own and had to learn everything once he was grown up, he dosent want his own kids to go through the heart ache he had to go through!

I never meant "never had to do a thing growing up", I had to fold and put away towels and clothes, make my bed, dust the furniture, and such. My teenage girls can cook, dust, vacuum, wash dishes, load/unload the dishwasher, do laundry, take out the trash and mow the grass, they can even clean the bathroom, although I prefer they don't. These things and more they have learned by watching and wanting to do it, a far cry from having assigned daily chores from dawn to dusk from a very young age! My girls have one job: make the grade, I don't mean any grade, I mean A's in Honors and AP classes so they can go where they choose to college and become what they desire to be in their adult life. You can hire a housekeeper and a landscaper, but you can't hire someone to become what you want to be career wise. We all have our methods and opinions, just stating mine, which I am sure may provoke someone.