UPDATE: Post #1!!!!!! I've tried all the potty things....is it time for doctor now?

[BigDog]

UPDATE: Well a couple of days ago, I noticed something very...sweet and odd. She really, really, thinks my #5 is her baby (or herself not sure which). The one I'm trying to potty train wouldn't eat her candy I gave her...She actually cried #5 (26 months) didn't get a piece of candy too. So I told her if she went poo in the potty, she could have a piece of candy and so could sissy.

Well she has been dry and gone poo 4 times now with no prompt...so long as sissy gets a mini reece cup or hershey bliss too. She LOVES treating her sissy...
Yes she won't be banned from pre-school next year...No more family on my back telling me I'm lazy or being given the "the only thing you need to do to get her potty trained is ______"..... Now I wonder if she WANTS to be with the younger class at church so she can hang out with sissy...

Hello from this side of the potty trained fence!!!

My 3.9 year old daughter is driving me nuts!!

I've had her naked in the days pretty much for the last 6-7 months (when she wanted to start sitting on the potty). Only put her in pull ups/diapers for church/school as I don't feel that volunteers should be cleaning up her mess in "real" undies.

I've tried EVERYTHING, and I do mean EVERYTHING. For about 2 weeks in a row for each so I didn't "switch" to often.

1. Rewards (from stickers to candy to time with mommy/daddy and everything in between).
2. Punishments (from taking away a favorite toy to spankings)...
3. Taking a break for about 2 weeks and just not "worrying" about it or saying anything to her about it.
4. Latest (14 days now, making her clean herself. I was reading about older then 36 months...they might just be stubborn to do it. And the theory is, they made the mess they clean the mess....which has just led to more clogged toilets. :(
5. Special undies...yeah who cares if she poops on Dora...I need undies that SCREAM bloody murder in the characters voice at the drop of liquid or poo.
6. Random other stuff, and believe me if it has ever been done to any child to go potty, it has been done (well with the exception of meaness)

She will go pee in the potty about 80% of the time...But, we remind her 50% of that 80% to go and she fights about it too.

But, it is irritating things like this morning that get to me I told her to go pee this morning. Of course her answer "I can't it is stuck" (always the answer or "No, I don't want to."). I said 3.2.1 (which usually means get going or mommy gets mad).

So she huffs it to the potty. And pees a gully washer. 5 min....and I do mean 5 min later she poops in her undies, which I hadn't taken off as she stayed dry all day yesterday, but, didn't have a "movement" either. I didn't even get her breakfast on the table.

It is like the wires in her brain just haven't talked about it. And no she is VERY bright...she is ahead in most things BUT this.

I KNOW I've heard it before but, it so much easier on the "other side" to believe the statement..."They will get it when they are ready, not before."

[motherofmolly]

i am sorry you are still going thru this. my sister still has issues with one of her twins. like yours she will pee, but not poop and then poop in her pants.

i hope you can get this solved. i have nothing to add to help

[Jen1]

from what I remember - some kids just don't like to go poo on the potty.

Did you say if you have a toddler potty seat, or are you using the regular toliet? I know alot of kids think they are going to 'fall in' on regular seats, so they won't sit there long.

Just keep up the encourgement to go on the potty. Continue to make a big deal when she suceeds.

She'll get there. Hopefully sooner then later.

[BigDog]

from what I remember - some kids just don't like to go poo on the potty.

Did you say if you have a toddler potty seat, or are you using the regular toliet? I know alot of kids think they are going to 'fall in' on regular seats, so they won't sit there long.

Just keep up the encourgement to go on the potty. Continue to make a big deal when she suceeds.

She'll get there. Hopefully sooner then later.

Yes she has a seat she uses it...randomly.....thanks for encouragement though.

[SarahL]

We've been working with my 3 1/2 year old son the last two weeks. We've tried before, over a period of about a year and a half off and on, but he is VERY speech delayed, and it's taken about 2 years of intensive therapy to get him to a conversant, mildly communicative status. So it was hard for him to verbally tell us he had to go before now. Academically, he is VERY smart, counts to over 100, knows his alphabet, reads, spells, knows all his shapes and colors, etc. So there's no mental delay that would affect his understanding, just a verbal speech delay.

Anyway, we did the 3 day method. And underwear 100%, no pullups, EVER (we've tried that before...he'd just hold everything until he was wearing a pullup). What I CAN say is that the 3 day method did not work in 3 days. But, he almost always has dry days now. Overnight he is hit or miss...he has gone as much as 6 days in a row dry overnight, but now for the last 4 days (this is #5) I'm washing his bedding in the morning.

But poop...well, that was harder for him. We talked a lot about how it IS hard to learn to poop on the potty. We talked a lot about what he would really, really like to have as a super special reward. He LOVES numbers and letters and is hugely into books, and is reading on a 1st or 2nd grade level. So, we went to Barnes & Noble and allowed him to pick out a few new books (he's a big fan of the Step Into Reading books because he can read them himself). Then, we put them lined up on the top of the bathroom medicine cabinet where he could see them but not reach them. Every time he had to go, we reminded him how he got to choose one new book from the stack on top if he pooped in the potty. He did it on day 4 and earned himself his book.

He's still finding it difficult to poop on the potty. He almost exclusively remembers now and doesn't have a poop accident, but he still tells me it's really hard to do. All his books are "earned" now and there are no more incentives up on the cabinet, but he is still doing okay. The trick for him was just finding something he wanted enough to overcome his fear of doing it, along with lots of talk about how it IS a hard skill to learn and it's okay to be scared about it.

[gem7]

DD4 didn't potty train until 2 weeks before her 4th birthday. Since she is #3, I didn't push her at all, but was a little frustrated that she wasn't interested in the potty at all. I tried introducing it to her about once everyother month and big girl panties starting at 3, but she still had no interest. I didn't do the pull ups and focused on her using diapers that babies used, trying to get her to go in the potty.

[StacyNVA]

And pees a gully washer.

Is it possible that your daughter is constipated? My 9 year old was recently having a lot of trouble with UTIs and we went to a urologist who gave us a LOT of good information. My dd was not drinking enough liquids and was not urinating enough times through out the day. She was also constipated. Apparently the bowel movement that are just sitting in there put pressure on the back of the bladder- where the nerves are located numbing them so the kids do not realize they need to go pee until it is an emergency. My daughter also argued with me all the time that she didn't need to go.

Now we have to watch what she eats- no rice, bananas, apples, etc. Make sure she drinks at least 40 ozs of water a day (age 8+) and she has a watch that beeps to tell her to go to the bathroom every 2 hours. I also give her miralax or dulcalax everyday or two to keep her regular.

[BigDog]

Is it possible that your daughter is constipated? My 9 year old was recently having a lot of trouble with UTIs and we went to a urologist who gave us a LOT of good information. My dd was not drinking enough liquids and was not urinating enough times through out the day. She was also constipated. Apparently the bowel movement that are just sitting in there put pressure on the back of the bladder- where the nerves are located numbing them so the kids do not realize they need to go pee until it is an emergency. My daughter also argued with me all the time that she didn't need to go.

Now we have to watch what she eats- no rice, bananas, apples, etc. Make sure she drinks at least 40 ozs of water a day (age 8+) and she has a watch that beeps to tell her to go to the bathroom every 2 hours. I also give her miralax or dulcalax everyday or two to keep her regular.

No but, great thought.....she pees alot in the mornings only...the rest is "normal". And although she didn't poo yesterday....she poos about 2 times a day normally...

However, my #3 started screaming when he ate anything for a couple days in a row about 6 months ago...I just knew his appendix was rupturing or he was severely sick. Took him to the doc. he had blood in his urine, and belly was slightly harder then normal, he was constipated bad...well that was an easy fix...he is lactose intolerant...I gave him 1 1/2 cups of chocolate milk...45 min. later he began a 8 hour fest of pooing on and off. All better...However, we ran out of TP.

[CW&M Mom]

I can promise you, you will never get anywhere with her if she is being punished. It has become a huge power struggle and she will win..because you cannot control her bowels and bladder.

I would completely stop. Stop trying to take her to the bathroom, never buy a pull up again...put her in diapers and treat her like you would treat a toddler in a diaper.

Then give it about 6 months. Then put her in underwear and only underwear and your goal is to get her potty trained in about a week or less. (minus night time)

Now for the next 6 months...when she wants to do xyz and it's something a typical 3-4 year old who was potty trained get to do...remind her that she's still in diapers and that only little girls in big girl underwear get to do xyz. (please don't follow this advice if she/he is developmentally delayed though, or has structural problems with there bladder or bowels). She might decide before the 6 months are up that she "wants to be a big girl" and decide on her own to potty train....then go for it.

But as long as it's your decision but not her decision you will get nowhere.

Sorry to be a bit blunt here but the number one mistake in potty training a child is to ever punish them for the accidents. Not only does it not work, makes the child feel bad for a natural bodily function, but can cause pyschological harm that can go on for years. Resist the urge no matter how much...to ever punish her for it again. Cleaning after one self is okay...spanking, time outs, taking toys away is not Okay.

There is very little to nothing your doctor can do other then make sure her "plumbing" is working correctly at that age. However I know at least one of the peds we used...would consider calling cps if she found out that we had been spanking our child over soiling themselves.

I am not anti spanking...I have spanked each one of my children...but never ever ever over a bodily function.

[AndreaCA]

Sigh, I went through this with my DD. She REFUSED to sit on the toilet, baby toilet, regular toilet, NOTHING. She would actually go and get herself a pull-up when she need to go potty, go and then take it off and put on her panties. AUGHHH! She was 4 and still doing this. I tried to be gentle, let her decide when she was ready, all of the stuff you are supposed to do. It wasn't working. Finally, I told her that in 3 days the pull-ups were going away and she needed to get ready to use the potty like a big girl so she could go to school. We counted down every day, on the first day without pull-ups she peed on the carpet and pooped on the linoleum floor. I told her that she had to clean it up and made her clean it up. I also told her that the next time she pee'd or pooped on the carpet I was going to have to spank her and then she would still have to clean it up. But, if she pooped or pee'd on the linoleum, she only had to clean it up. But, if she went in the potty, she could clean it up with one flush. It was her choice. Well, guess what, after doing clean up about 3 times, she decided it was time for the potty. I'm not saying it wasn't a difficult week and that she didn't cry for her pull-ups, but I was determined to out stubborn her. I mean I had a doctor tell me that her refusal to potty train was a symptom of sexual abuse! Come on! What a crock. She just didn't want to be bothered!

Anyway, after we finally conquered the potty, we had a "big girl" party with her favorite dinner and then we started going to preschool. She LOVED it. Hang in there, you'll get through this!