When would you tell? - Looks like we shouldn't have told :(

[abond0017]

Ok....I have had 3 miscarriages in the past year & a half, all at about 5-6 weeks. The first one was unexpected, and gone practically the day after I realized I was preggo, so I didn't get a chance to tell anyone. The second was about 9 months later and I told everyone I was pregnant because I did not expect to have a second miscarriage and we had decided to start trying, and it was one of the most difficult things I've had to do. Now, because of that, I didn't tell anyone about the third pregnancy as it was hard enough to deal with.

Now, I am pregnant a 4th time, and after some help from doctors, I am further along than I have ever gotten at 8 1/2 weeks. I am VERY excited and hopeful...chomping at the bit to be able to tell everyone (family, friends, DH's coworkers). I have a good feeling about it this time and we have seen a heartbeat last week, but I am not sure if I should tell yet due to my history and cause it is so hard telling people you have lost it.

If you were me...when would you tell?

[gatosqueak]

Second trimester to give yourself some time. :)

[CouponQueen23]

I wish you all the best with this pregnacy, I had 3 children and then I get prego with a fourth and mis carried it was the hardest thing I think I have ever experienced, and the hardest thing for me to over come. I"ll pray for you. I could not even beging to imagine how hard it must be to go through it 3 times. Once was hard on my I told Dh I don't want to try anymore :(
3 is company, I just could never go through the heart break again. We informed everyone and our kids and to tell them all there was no more baby was really hard.

I voted after the 10 week check up and ultra sound. I hope everything goes really well for you please keep us posted. Take care of you and baby :)

[3timesoccermom]

I'm not sure which I'd choose, it would depend on many circumstances. It definitely makes for a nerve-wracking pregnancy to have gone through those before. Everyone will be rooting for you though and the excitement is sometimes very difficult to contain.

In other words, I don't know and I haven't helped at all but I can say:

GOOD LUCK!!!

[FunnyFace]

I almost answered the question, but only you can really answer that for yourself. (warm smile) Asking yourself: Do you want or need your family's and friends support immediately? Do you want or need your family's support should you not carry this precious one to term? I can't imagine the pain of losing a child and my heart goes out to those that have. I am rejoicing with you with this new life!

[abond0017]

Thanks you all for the advise so far. I knew you guys would have some good insights.
DH is ready to tell everyone and keeps asking when we can...and like I said, I am also very excited to tell. You are correct 3timesoccermom...the excitement is very hard to contain.

I am glad to have this outlet to ask this question. I don't know why this kind of anonymity of forums makes things so much easier to talk about, but it does.

Thanks again.

[Macaela25]

I understand COMPLETELY what you're going through. I'm currently on pregnacy #7 in 7 years with only two children to show for it. We are at about 6 weeks gestation, but hcg levels aren't "rising appropriately". I had an u/s two weeks ago that showed just a sac and yolk, and another this afternoon that showed an early fetal pole but no discernable hearbeat. So there's been some progress, but we still don't know if it's a viable pregnancy :/.

I generally lose pregnancies between 5-8 weeks, so I never tell anyone aside from my DH until we see a heart beat and/or about the 10 week mark. I felt that this time I should tell my mom since I've previously had an ectopic pregnancy, and I could have a sudden life-threatening emergency if this pregnancy was ectopic as well (we work together. I specifically told her not to tell anyone... HUGE mistake. Within 24 hours every single coworker and family member was congratulating me...I wanted to scream. DH and I are private people, and it's painful, awkward and embarrassing when you've miscarried and people ask a few months later how the pregnancy is coming along.

[cintinative]

I would wait for a little bit but I just wanted to say I hope you are getting support through all these miscarriages. That is just so very hard. I hope you have someone you can trust to share your feelings with about that besides your dh. Hoping this pregnancy goes well for you!

Just a side note, from my experience. We had some friends who were married without kids at the same time dh and I were. We ran into them once in the mall and we joked "here we are, the people without kids, out having fun at the mall." I learned a couple months later that the wife of this couple had had five or six miscarriages. I felt completely awful for making light of our DINK status when they were really trying to have a baby. I understand that sometimes you just don't want to tell everyone that you have lost a baby, and in this case we weren't really close so I understood, but I still felt like I should apologize to her so I did. Not sure what the takeaway is, except that when I did know I had something to pray about for her that I didn't know about before. So I think this is such a hard thing--on the one hand, telling everyone you lost a baby is AWFUL. On the other hand, suffering silently can be too. Hugs to you.

[loladooder99]

I had a miscarriage in 09 while i was living with my mil. I wished I had kept it a secret because i miscarried about a week after I told everyone. Then my mil and aunt in law decided to argue with me that i need to go and have a d&C while i was still "miscarrying" I was really early into the pregnancy and a d&c wasn't necessary. It was terrible. When I called my mom to tell her i was pregnant she wasn't exactly nice about her reaction. Basically she didn't act excited for me at all. The whole thing was terrible. So when I got pregnant agian in 2010 with my now 3 1/2 month old son I waited till i was about 4 months pregnant before I told anyone. Best decision I made. If I ever get pregnant agian I'm waiting till im showing. I wish you all the luck in the world.

[kval07]

I didn't vote, BUT my opinion is to pick one or two close friends or family who won't blab to everyone, just so you have someone to talk about it with. Everyone else can wait until you are showing and are confident in this pregnancy.

With that, I'll add a cautious congratulations - I hope everything turns out well for you!