| | In the Family Way Discuss My 5 year old daughter is a ruffian, I need advice. in the Swingin' Deals forums; I have a darling 5 year old daughter, who will be attending Kindergarten in the fall. She is with out exaggeration, much larger ( not fat, tall) and much brighter ...  | | | |   |  |
06-23-2009, 12:01:39 AM
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#1 |  |  | | TRADER SCORCHING
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,105
| My 5 year old daughter is a ruffian, I need advice. I have a darling 5 year old daughter, who will be attending Kindergarten in the fall. She is with out exaggeration, much larger ( not fat, tall) and much brighter than her classmates, and will be very close to the age 6 by the time she starts. I have some concearns though about her play with other children, which is often antaganistic, and rough. She has taken particular fondness ( best-friend) to much smaller girl, prone to constant whining with much less ability then her ( still needing to be shoed properly, rides with training wheels etc...) There have been many instances where I have had to redirect, or time-out my daughter for inappropriate or rough play, frankly bullying; with this child and others. I was taken aback today during thier play when I witnessed my daughter picked up a stuffed duck that our dog disemboweled, held it up to her and said; "this is your duck; your ducked died because you didn't take good care of it." And then threw it at the poor child. I was mortified by my daugthers behavior. I'm at a loss. I am guilty of finding a reason to blame parents for childrens behaviour, and can't figure out where I am going wrong. Any advice, or experience? I need to nip this in the bud, somehow. Thanks for Listening!
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06-23-2009, 12:18:01 AM
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#2 |  |  | | TRADER FLAMING
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,326
| Re: My 5 year old daughter is a ruffian, I need advice. Well i probably shouldn't respond since i think i misinterpreted your post. But i took the post as very condescending. Maybe since i have a 7 1/2 yo, who rides with training wheels, and is prone to whining. Even with those faults he complete through part of 3rd grade this past year. Seems to me your daughter has picked up on your attitude of how you think she compares to her peers and treats them as less than equal.
As for nipping it in the bud, don't let her play with children she bullies if that means playing alone for a couple of days, it may do her some good. Children don't like playing with 'friends' who are mean to them.
Children all develop different strengths at different times, while my 7 1/2 year old will complete third grade by Christmas, just after turning eight, he will still whine, need help getting dressed, be scared to take a shower w/o someone int he room with him.
Good Luck with your situation.
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06-23-2009, 12:25:42 AM
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#3 |  |  | | TRADER SCORCHING
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 5,055
| Re: My 5 year old daughter is a ruffian, I need advice. I didn't find it condescending at all. The OP stated clearly that her DD is capable of things her best friend isan't. I don;t see where she said that was a bad thing???
Both my DS's learned at 4 to ride without training wheels, but my DD is 4 1/2 and won't even try. Nothing wrong with that, just different.
OP-- Have you tried talking to her about why she is "bulling"? Does she realize that she even is? SOme kids are just more dominant than others, and until they realize exactly what they are doing, they won't stop. Its part of their personality.
Try doing some role playing. You be her, and act out what you have seen her doing to her friends. See how she responds. If she can't see HOW it hurts other people, you may want to try a family counseler.
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06-23-2009, 01:51:13 AM
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#5 |  |  | | TRADER SCORCHING
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,105
| Re: My 5 year old daughter is a ruffian, I need advice. Thanks Beth. I was really trying to find the condescending; and perfectly willing to accept fault. I much appreciate the role playing advice, I think my daughter would be really receptive to it!
Originally Posted by beth119 I didn't find it condescending at all. The OP stated clearly that her DD is capable of things her best friend isan't. I don;t see where she said that was a bad thing???
Both my DS's learned at 4 to ride without training wheels, but my DD is 4 1/2 and won't even try. Nothing wrong with that, just different.
OP-- Have you tried talking to her about why she is "bulling"? Does she realize that she even is? SOme kids are just more dominant than others, and until they realize exactly what they are doing, they won't stop. Its part of their personality.
Try doing some role playing. You be her, and act out what you have seen her doing to her friends. See how she responds. If she can't see HOW it hurts other people, you may want to try a family counseler. |
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06-23-2009, 02:37:17 AM
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#7 |  |  | | TRADER SMOKIN'
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 873
| Re: My 5 year old daughter is a ruffian, I need advice. I asked my sister, the child psychologist about this since I wasn't able to have children, but have compassion on you both. She says: Aggressive behavior in a child or "bullying" CAN (I don't want anyone to think I am implying your family) be caused by too strong or too weak parental disapline boundaries-so that the kid feels like they can't do anything right, or gets attention from "being bad" , an only child, or a child acting out some kind of internal stress or underlying health imbalance that they can't articulate-which Sis says is 90%.
Sis is concerned enough to suggest talking with a child counselor for the ONLY reason is that if this happens in class-she might be labeled by the students & teacher, & get this absorbed into her identity, & believe it is a personality trait, instead of something else, & then have it follow her all through her school years.
Sis said you must be a good Mom to assess this so quickly, & nip it in the bud. She also says a talk with MD & maybe get some routine blood tests by the pediatrician to rule out other causes like Thyroid, food allergies or gluten intolerance,etc.
She said sometimes, it is a hormonal thing from too much fat intake, too many synthetic plastics that leach into their food-linings of canned food like soup, microwaved meals in plastic trays, drinks from plastic containers that may have sat in a hot warehouse,etc. These mimic estrogens, cause aggression, & girls are starting menstruation at age 7!!
I think you are a good, loving, & attentive parent. I hope this helped, Sis would have charged you $190 for an hour:) 
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