Originally Posted by Deja Vu  I'm at a loss. I am guilty of finding a reason to blame parents for childrens behaviour, and can't figure out where I am going wrong.
Any advice, or experience?
I need to nip this in the bud, somehow.
! |
I think recognizing that there is a problem is the start of fixing it. Some children are just more difficult than other children. It isn't necessarily what you did, but more of a personality thing of the specific child.
I would have to say that, when reading your entire first post in whole, I took it in a similar manner to the second poster. It's hard to read someone's feelings in the writing though.
When I was in the schools, I saw a lot of parents downplay some behavior by trying to focus on the behavior of another child's behavior. For example, some would say, "My child may be a little rough, but it is possibly just exaggerated because the other children are kind of wimpy." I think this is the feeling your first post put across to me. You explained that your child is big for her age, more independent, etc. You still need to have the same standards for her that you would any other 5 year old....a certain degree of kindness, compassion towards others, etc. Don't let her use her assets as a crutch, which I saw parents do quite often.
You mentioned her behavior reaches beyond this child, and she acts like this with other children too. So, quite frankly, I see the problem being with your child, not so much this "whinny" child. In my opinion, your daughter needs to learn that if she can't be nice, then she won't have the privilege of playing with another child until she can play properly. Yes, this will be a pain for you because the child will then seek your attention since she has no one else to play with at that time. Be prepared. Have things that she can do on her own (to some extent), such as puzzles, coloring books, playdough, single person games, books, etc. Set aside time that you can play with her, so that by example, she sees the right way to play with others (but don't allow the time to be too much because she might just choose to keep the status quo here).
I am all for positive praise, but I think when a child gets too much of it, especially if the child is an only child or oldest sibling, it can go straight to their heads. This leads to an exaggerated sense of self-worth and will also create a feeling of them thinking that they are better than the other children. If your child hears you telling people how she is big for her age (not fat, but tall), smarter than other children, more independent, can do more than other kids her age, etc., her ego might be inflated a little bit, which can lead to her feeling that she has the upper hand in her relationships/friendships. This may be another reason why she may be acting out as the bully to others. Maybe the positive praise you should give her should change focus to how she is treating others (at least at this point, since this is the behavior that you would like to change right now). Continue to point out how nice it was for her to share her toy, let her friend be the one in charge/leader, how you really liked how they played as a team, etc.
I agree with the other poster about how although it may not be right, teachers will label her. If she acts like a bully from day one, then a teacher might treat her with less kindness and such. They will also talk to other teacher's about her behavior.
On the other hand, school can sometimes change the behavior on it's own. If your child sees that no one wants to be her friend because she bullies, than you can take that as an opportunity to teach her the right way to be a friend.....something she may or may not learn on her own. In my opinion, it is a rough way to learn it though.
Re: My 5 year old daughter is a ruffian, I need advice. 
Support a members craft, and check out 
Linear Mode
