When did you know you were ready to have children?

[TBEventer2002]

I'm sorry if this is such a loaded or personal question, but I am very interested in all answers. :)

DH and I have been married over a year (will be two in Sept). We've been together for over 9 years total (started dating when I was 16 and he was 18). He JUST turned 28 and really feels like his biological clock is ticking. He is an only child and has always said he wants lots of children. His parents are also putting the pressure on about grandkids.

I have two siblings. An older brother is married but they have a very slim chance of conceiving (been trying for a few years with no success due to health issues). My younger sister isn't serious about anyone right now so no chance of pregnancy there. Thus, my parents also keep bringing up grandkids, but not nearly as annoyingly as DH's parents.

I keep going back and forth with wanting kids versus waiting (coincidently, lol, it seems to ebb and flow with my monthly cycle). DH and I even went off BC for a month, but I chickened out and slept in the living room until I was back on BC.

I want so badly to be a SAHM! But there is no way to afford that right now. My parents say not to wait til we can afford kids or else we'll never have them. And I know that people much worse off than DH and I have children and do just fine.

I'm so torn because I hear such heartwarming stories from co-workers and it kicks my maternal desires into overdrive. But I love it just being DH and I, being responsible for ourselves only. Being able to makes plans on a whim, changing plans at the last minute, or getting rid of any plans at all.

So for you personally, what was the moment when you said, "OKAY! Let's have a baby!" No judgements from me, so I hope others will give the same respect. :) TIA!

[MrsPinecone]

We had been married for a little over a year and a half. I was 37, DH was 45. It was time, if we wanted to be done by the time I was 40.

DS was born 3 months after I turned 38, and DD was born 3 months after I turned 40.

We are done. I have been at home since before I got pregnant with DS.

There is NEVER a perfect time to have kids. Ever.

[TBEventer2002]

Originally Posted by MrsPinecone There is NEVER a perfect time to have kids. Ever.

Interesting advice! :) Thank you!

[mom2lucas]

I agree that there is never a perfect time to have children. DH and I had been tossing around the idea of having children since right after we were married. We found out we were pregnant with DS right after I graduated college. We hadn't officially started trying yet, but we werent being as careful as we should have been. We had been married a little more than 2 years when DS was born.

DD was a total suprise. We were actively using birth control and still managed to get pregnant when DS was about 13 months old.

We've had several people tell us that we should not have more children because its hard enough to take care of two in this economy. We're open to a third child down the line sometime, but we're really undecided at this point.

[carisal]

I wanted kids way before I was ready, DH and I married when I was 17 and he was 24..... we agreed before we married that we would like 4 children possibly more....

after a couple years we made an agreement that when we had $x in savings we would start trying and it killed me waiting for that to happen, LOL.

We finally made it, and it took us 2 (full) years to concieve our DD.... it was really hard after the first year or so of trying and getting nothing. I can't tell you how many times I broke down crying when someone else would be pregnant or bring a new baby to the store DH and I worked at. (dont get me wrong I was happy for them. but it was really hard on me.)

It was really hard on DH too knowing he had put it off just waiting to have a certain amount of money in savings.... thinking that if we had any chance and had missed it.

coincidentally, he blew our entire savings account at about the 1 year mark of us TTC, so really we might as well have started trying before we had saved it.

DD was conceived when we had been married for 6 years....

after DD was born we decided not to use any BC after the first few months, as we didnt want to miss a chance again.... I breastfed and left it at that. However after this one I am done for at least a couple years, LOL. It's really hard though when you get to the point of really having yourself convinced that you must just be infertile.


anyways I will stop rambling, --- Good luck with whatever you decide!

[TBEventer2002]

carisal, it is very interesting that you mentioned the 'deal.' DH and I sort of have that going on, too, but not as strictly. My goal is to have both my credit cards, all his credit cards, his auto loan, and at least one of his two small personal loans GONE. According to my schedule, that should happen around this fall.

I don't necessarily want to afford children, but I do want to be financially set enough to give them lots of opportunities that I didn't have. I love going to museums and parks and all sorts of places. I want to be able to offer those things to my children from the get-go. :)

[CocoB]

I was married for 5 1/2 years and was 32 years old when my son was born. I am so glad we waited that long. We got to travel, spend money on whatever we wanted and really enjoyed ourselves. We were pretty well off financially and had no debt except our house when we had him and I took a year off work once he was born. I went back when he was 15 months and have been working 2-3 days/week since then. Staying home that first year was THE MOST wonderful time of my life- I truly enjoyed his babyhood and will never forget it!! I was really ready for something more so going back to work PT when I did was awesome- I still enjoy him but get to do something for myself, too.

You are so young right now- 25- is that about right? My son is my world but it is VERY stressful, especially the first few months. You have no idea what it is like until you do it. You have to have a rock solid relationship because your life will change- yes, for the better, but there will be times you will feel resentment towards your husband (they just don't help as much as you think- well, mine didn't and most of my friends feel the same way about their hubs).

Whatever you decide, best of luck to you. You will know when you are ready!

[TBEventer2002]

What a great story, CocoB! I want to be able to stay at home with mine, too. :) Thank you for sharing!

[Lori63]

Originally Posted by MrsPinecone There is NEVER a perfect time to have kids. Ever.

My boys are 21, 17 and 13, and I'm still not ready.

Seriously, if we would have waited until we could financially afford them we wouldn't have ever had them.

I worked part-time after #1, and part time again when #3 went to preschool. I babysat at different times so I could stay home. We made sacrifices, and I didn't go back to work full time until #3 was in 6th grade. (I worked at a preschool I LOVED for 9 years or I would have gone back fulltime sooner).

[terrortoys]

I am an only child and used to beg my parents for a sibling I would go door to door asking if they had any kids I could play with (pretty pathetic now). I knew I wanted 2-3 DH and I decided on 2, but it we got 2 boys/girls we would try the 3rd time. After DD was 3 we decided to have #2 our DS. We now have 1 of each and are happy. I am so gald that we had kids young. We can enjoy life and spoil our grandkids and still be young and hip and hopefully be able to enjoy retirement and have lots of memories when we get older. I am 30 DH is now 33 DD is 10, DS is 5. I will be about 39/40 when DD graduates high school.

DH is a stay at home dad and I make less than $25,000 a year.. we have the normal bills.. house stuff and auto stuff.. You are never financially ready, but somehow you make do and it just works. I didn't think that would could afford #2, but it wasn't much more than having #1.. they are a joy and make my life so much more meaningful. I feel like i have accomplished something in my life.