When did you know you were ready to have children?

[screamingmemes]

Wow....that was actually an interesting question that totally grabbed my attention : ).

I was never ready....I was single and on birth control. Mother Nature took matters into her own hands not once, but twice. The second time DH and I got married. We had only been seriously dating for 4 months (but dated on and off and knew each other for 9 years).

We didn't have time to make any deals, or anything of that nature, but both of us grew up very, very quickly. My daughter and the impending birth of our son demanded that, and we owed them that much. We have now been married 10 years and have a very happy and healthy 13 year old daughter and 10 year old son. Every family has it's ups and downs, whether it is between the parents or between parents and kids. You have to learn to live through them and control what you can, don't worry about what you can't. Life is EXTREMELY too short for that.

In short, I guess you will know when you are ready when you feel in your heart that you can deal with it not being just about you anymore. When you feel like it's okay to put your wants and needs on hold for a little while (come on....you're a parent, you're not dead, there's plenty of time later). When you feel like you can realize it's okay to stress out every once in awhile because it is a human thing to do (seriously, forget everything you've ever learned about "destressing"....it just does not happen when you are a parent). When you feel like it's okay to slow down...because you have more than the computer or the latest work project demanding your attention at the moment.

It's not as bad as everyone makes it seem. Yes, there are moments when you feel like you want to pull your hair out and moments where you wonder what in the world you've done. BUT there are many, many more moments that more than make up for it when a simple smile or "I love you mom" from them makes your heart sing with joy. There are times you will feel fear for them (something we found out when our youngest ended up in the hospital twice before the age of 6 and we wondered if he would make it), times they will make you wonder what was going through their mind, and times you just "don't get them." But I promise, just like everything else that happens in life, it passes. And you get through it, and you go on. And you have your wonderful child and a bond that can never be replaced to show for it. And it really is one of the most wonderful feelings on the face of this earth (not to mention the feeling of little arms around your neck or a little hand holding on to yours while you cross the parking lot). Just my little two cents : ).

[SEsterly13]

As someone who has been thinking about this same thing, I also appreciate all the stories/advice. Thanks for everyone's help!

[Curlybwc]

I am 29 and 6 mo pregnant with #4. DH and I have been married almost 8 years and our oldest is almost 7, so we got pregnant almost right away (not on purpose) Financially speaking, we were ready (even though we were only 23) - DH was an Air Force officer and we had a very comfortable lifestyle. However, about 3 years ago right after #3 was born, DH got out of the military and decided to go back to school - we went from a $70K a year (equivalent, since some was in free housing etc.) income to making $21K last year. I am a SAHM even though I have a college degree and could go to work (although I'm not sure it would be worth it after the day-care costs) My point is only that you never know what's going to happen even financially, so you just have to do the best you can and trust that it will all work out. It's not perfect, but then again, which of us had the "perfect" childhood and we (mostly) turned out OK...

[Sculpture Widow]

Originally Posted by MrsPinecone There is NEVER a perfect time to have kids. Ever.

I completely agree. I can only say I think there might be a "better" time to have kids in your life, but never a perfect time.

DH and I had been together 10 years before we had DS#1. We had finished college (me a B.A., DH has a master's), had traveled & studied in Europe, had done all our our partying, had already had "real" jobs, had pets, etc.
We were not sure we were ready. But it seemed like the best time. We were VERY happy with our living situation at the time, and got preggo IMMEDIATELY. I was not ready for that!

I'm glad we waited to have kids. We are now poor, but we are happy. We are able to make it right now on one income while I stay at home. There is no way I would have been able to stay home if we had had a baby any sooner.

Good Luck with your decision. Trust in your heart and your gut feeling about your situation.

[NIGHTB1022]

The minute I found out I was pregnant and wasn't planning on it!

[Kim1013]

My DD was an oops. I thought I wasn't ready to have children at the time and was not happy when I found out I was pregnant even though DH and I had been married for almost 3 years. I think I was too scared and selfish, thinking how my life was going to change and I wasn't ready to share my DH. I was also worried about taking care of a child financially. We were in the midst of building a house so how could we pay a mortgage, daycare, medical bills, diapers, etc... You figure out the finances along the way and do whatever it takes to make ends meet. As for my selfishness, I'm way over that. DH and I hardly ever buy material things for ourselves b/c we'd rather buy something for DD or save that money for her future. We still do many of the things we did before DD was born but it takes a little more planning and time management. As for sharing my DH, it couldn't bring me more joy. I love watching DH interact with DD. He is a wonderful father and absolutely adores his little girl. I couldn't imagine him not having those experiences. Our lives are truly richer for having DD in it and we thank God everyday for our family.

I sincerely believe you are never truly ready to have children b/c the changes they bring to every aspect of your life is just too hard to wrap your head around. There's no way to prepare for it. But I also sincerely believe that there is no greater joy in this whole world than being a mommy or a daddy.

[anaj06]

We got married in 2003, both got our "real" jobs in 2003 and bought our first home in 2004. At the time I was traveling all the time for work and working 60+ hours a week and DH was working a lot as well, so kids just weren't feasable. So, I began looking at other career alternative because I knew I wanted to keep working long-term. I found a great job in 2006 and work part-time hours for full-time money as well as have lots of flexibility to do part of my job from home, etc. So, in 2007 we had our first child and our second one in 2008.

My advice would be to completely ignore the grandparents; they will not be raising the child. The decision is a personal one between yourself and your husband and should only be based on your wishes/desires. We had pressures from the grandparents as well from Christmas 2004 on, but we knew kids wouldn't fit into our current lifestyle, so we waited until we changed our lifestyle to accomodate kids. It was a hard wait; because we both wanted them for a couple of years before we actually had them.

Good luck to you in your decision.

[cpaige]

Great topic, and I love hearing (ok, reading) everyone's responses!! Now here's mine. When I started dating my BF, he knew that I did not want kids. I was pretty adamant on this topic and my family knew it as well. He, however, did. After knowing him for about a year, we started dating, and a little after dating for a year, I moved in with him. We just knew it was right for both of us. Doing this, I wound up leaving my job (commission and an hour travel made that decision easy), but this happened right around the time the economy took a massive nose dive. So, I was unemployed and frustrated and had no health insurance....there went my pill. No money, no pill. UGH! This was last August. Come December, the week before Xmas, I found out that I was pregnant.....???? It was a very tough few months for me personally. I am 34 years old, and really loved my life (sans the no job situation). I am now due in a few weeks, and I am ok with all of it. Was I ready for it? By no means was I. But you know what? I have a wonderful BF, we both have great family and friends around us and I have a job now that is so conducive to me and the baby, that I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. Can we afford it? Yeah, ok....no. But, my mom raised me on a single parent income and did the best she could. You don't need tons of money to do things w/ the child. Sometimes it's doing the little things w/ them is what they will always remember.

Like a PP stated, don't listen to outside 'forces'. When and if YOU are ready, is when YOU will choose to start a family (or mother nature will take over for you, as in my case).

Good luck to you!!!

[foggierbard9]

We got pregnant about a week after we got engaged. We weren't being as careful as we should have been, but we have an amazing little boy who will be 2 in a couple of months. We had been dating for 2 years and ended up getting married when I was 4 mos. pregnant.

We knew we were ready to have a baby when the test came back positive. Now we are TTC baby #2. My DH is 40 and I am 26 so his biological clock is ticking faster than mine, but I really do want both of our children to be somewhat close in age.

After our DS was born I decided to be a SAHM because financially my income would have paid for daycare. We somehow make it every month on my DH's salary and I wouldn't trade any of this for the world. Watching my son grow up and being a mom is the one of the most amazing things I have done in my life. Seeing my husband roll around on the floor and play with our son is extremely rewarding.

[livingalmostlarge]

Pregnant with my first child and darn tooting excited! Due 2-2010!

My DH is 31, turning 32, and I'm 30. We've been together 9 years married 4 years. There isn't perfect time, but there is a better time to get pregnant.

We have a mortgage and student loans ($25k). But we have over $100k retirement, 6 month EF, paid for cars, and can easily live on my DH's income. Plus next year the student loans are paid in full as my DH finishes his last semester of a part-time MBA in December. They start accruing interest June 2010. They'll be paid then.

I decided I'm 30 let's do it. Well I "thought" we'd take like a year to get pregnant, nope one cycle, I didn't even have a period.

It threw us for a loop since we were planning on moving and had been looking for jobs cross country. Now we're staying put instead and having the baby the moving.

Life is what it is.

Most important thing is to have a great marriage/relationship. Finances mean nothing if you aren't in it together. I read the baby message boards about women who are dating someone who isn't sure about them or the baby.

Truth is my DH is more excited than me in some ways. I couldn't bear to be in it alone, and I was raised by a single mom.