When did you know you were ready to have children?

[StephKB]

I've wanted kids for a long time. DH & I were married in 2000 - and tho we never prevented pregnancy we'd never take that next step in seeking help until we were 'doing better'. Finally after being married 3 years I saw the doc - we decided that there would never be a 'right time' (your parents are right ya know!). I think it would have been good to pick a specific goal - $$ in the bank/certain things paid off - but we didn't.

It's true if you wait for the right time you'll wait forever - but pick something specific and once you achieve that goal go ahead and start trying! But as you can tell from the stories - things don't always go as planned. We planned 2 kids close together - #1 was a preemie, 11 weeks early that gave us over $60,000 in OOP medical expenses. I miscarried when he was 9 months old. DS #2 came along when he was 22 months old. The plan at that point was to wait 3-4 years and then have 2 more....but ds #3 had other plans. He arrived 23 months after #2.

[kaylaledford]

I'm interested in all the answers too. We've been married almost a year and have this conversation a lot.

[mama22qts]

We got pregnant after we'd been married a year. We had this conversation which I now think is hilarious where dh told me that IF I'd agree to go back to work, we could go ahead and start trying. So we got pregnant right off the bat, but I miscarried early on. And then, right about a year after that fateful conversation, we had DD. DD obviously had no intention of letting her mama go back to work though -- she arrived 6 weeks early with a temper the size of Texas. LOL! So I ended up staying home with her because there was NO way I was going back to work with my child only having been home a few weeks, and then BAM! We were pregnant with DS. My kids are 13 months apart, and I haven't regretted a moment of it. I had DD just a few months short of my 30th birthday, and I think that was the perfect time for me.

I'd been of college and working, supporting myself, for about 8 years, and DH was already working on his career. We had a vision in mind and goals set for ourselves. Now, we didn't always take the most direct route to those goals and some of them have changed completely, but our underlying vision for ourselves and our family has not changed.

I think what really is a defining moment is when you are OK with the idea that you won't be out with your friends and that your whole life, for the next 10 years or so, will be wrapped up in this little being who won't be very considerate of you or your needs. You absolutely cannot go into having a baby thinking about what YOU will get out of it. You will feel shortchanged because that baby will require everything you have to give and MORE.

[adriansmommie]

I agree there is never a perfect time. I had a surprise pregnancy and was not married. My son is hands down the best thing that has ever happened to me.

[sbp]

DH and I were married in 1995 and were in no rush to have kids - we enjoyed spending time with the nieces and nephews but we were ok to not have any of our own.

In October 2001, I was surprised when the home pregnancy test came back positive and just as the shock was wearing off and I was starting to get used to the idea of being a mom, I miscarried on Halloween. At that point I knew that I was ready to have children. We started trying again after the 6 weeks or so that the dr suggested and then when the next pregnancy test came back positive in late January 2002, I was ecstatic.......although I will say I didn't fully enjoy that pregnancy as much as I should have because I was scared spitless that I was going to miscarry again but all went well and ds#1 was born in September 2002.

DS#2 came along 22 months later in July 2004.

Only on the days when they truly drive me crazy to the point that my head spins, I do wonder 'what was I thinking'? lol But then I look at their angelic faces when they're asleep and that thought goes away!

[mmb1996]

We knew we were ready to have kids when the pregnacy test came back positive sorry couldn't resist


Seriously though, there is never a perfect time. If you can give them a loving, secure home and provide for them then you should do it. Its a lot of work but the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

[loladooder99]

Its is kinda true that if you wait to have kids till you can afford them you will never have kids. I wanted to wait till my husband and i bought our first home. But the market is so expensive here it would have never happened. We were married about 6 months or so when I decided I wanted to try to have kids. I never wanted kids before I was married for awhile. I am a sahm and I stay home because the money I would make working wouldn't cover daycare. If you really want children then all the other stuff doesn't matter. Babies aren't as expensive as people make them out to be. Its the hospital bill that gets you. I paid 2,200+ out of pocket for a c-section, YIKES! If your ready then the other things will work themselves out on their own.

[regbyandjulie]

Though I don't "officially" join the mommy crowd until next month, I'd like to weigh in. DH and I are both 23 and we've been married for 3 years.

For a long time I went back and forth about having kids. I come from a hard family background, so I thought for a long time that I didn't know how to be a good mom. I think the turning point for me was when DH and I were babysitting my niece. We watched her the entire day. While I was finally rocking her to sleep, my DH looked at me and said "Look, Julie, you're a mommy." I asked him what he meant, and he said that he'd been watching me take care of my niece all day, from feeding her, changing her diapers (and it turned out I fed her more than my sister normally did, so she had 4 huge poopy diapers that day!), giving her a bath, playing with her, etc, and that he knew I was supposed to be a mommy. And I remember how I felt that evening, just rocking my niece, and hoping I would get the chance to rock my own little girl one day.

When I finally got to the point where I was thinking about all the things I COULD do with children, rather than all the things I couldn't do with children, I knew we were ready to try. I went off the pill last November, thinking it would take at least a few months to get pregnant. My little girl had other plans, though, and I found out the week before Thanksgiving that I was pregnant and she'll be making her appearance next month.

[TBEventer2002]

What wonderful, touching, helpful stories! :) Thank you all so much for opening up about all this. I especially like the advice about when you start thinking about everything you can do WITH the child instead of WITHOUT. That is something that I have been doing a LOT of for a while! I think of just about everything how I would do it with a baby or child. :)

Keep them coming everyone! I love reading the stories. :)

[jensmith9780]

Well for us, we had 2 surprise babies even though we were using birth control. My DH and I have been together for going on 13 years now and we had both kids before we got married but I wouldnt change a thing. As PP stated, there really is no perfect time to have kids.