Your opinion on baby shower etiquette please!

[amys]

I think I mentioned something like that - but unless I typo'ed - I said if the shower is after the birth, unless it was medically necessary to have the child early, most assume gifts are not the reason for the shower. Preemies and medically necessary early arrivals would be reasons to have a shower after the birth and still NEED gifts.

[wildnutcase]

I don't see a problem with letting people know what she needs or could use. I also do not have a problem with a registry---as long as the items listed are of varying $$, so that people can choose an item that fits into their budget.

I would much rather give a gift that is needed or will be used. Most people don't have a problem with a "Christmas Wish List", or a "Birthday Wish List"; why should this be any different? I also like knowing what is needed or wanted because it makes it easier to pick a gift. Sometimes I drive myself crazy and waste so much time trying to figure out what gift to get---wondering if it is something they will like or use; or am I just wasting my time, money and energy.

For my sisters (2) baby showers (total of 3 showers) I made a special picture frame for the baby's first picture to be displayed in. I put it in a shirt box and the wrapping(s) were also part of the gift. I made a receiving blanket (an actual square shape---not a useless rectangular one (I always hated the usual receiving blankets), I folded the receiving blanket like a diaper and pinned it with 2 cute diaper pins and this was the wrapping for the bottom of the box. For the top of the box, I put one of those cute little diaper shirts on the box. Instead of a ribbon and bow, I attached a ribbon around the neck of a cute 4 oz juice bottle and ran the ribbon through the space between the snaps to hold it onto the package. On one of the sides of the shirt I clipped a pacifier holder and attached a cute pacifier. I did not spend much money and was able to give gifts that were needed and would be used. Get creative...it is fun.

I have also wrapped packages of diapers this way and given them as gifts. I shopped sales and clearance and spent less than I would have on wrapping paper, bow and ribbon. And the moms really enjoyed the cuteness and usefulness of the wrapping.

[MJKNEeley]

I personally do not like the idea of having a shower for the second or subsequent child. It just doesn't seem right given that in 2 years, items don't go out of date. Now, had the children been many years apart so that the car seats are 'out of date' and most of the items are non-existant, then that is a different story.

That being said, I have been invited to a second child's shower recently. The invitation said something to the affect of, 'Mom has most everything she needs from Child1. We just want to get together and celebrate Mom and welcome the new baby.' You knew you were to bring a gift, but knew that it was to be something fun - none of the biggies.

Also, if there isn't a second shower, people usually bring gifts to the hospital or when they come see the baby.

[tacatcon]

Hi!
Wow! I didn't even read all the posts but such differing opinions. I voted "NO, I'd rather give what she really needs." But this is funny because right now my younger sister (only sister!) is expecting her second. Her son is 3. We're not having a shower. It's the norm in our "circle" not to have one for the second child. And when i had my second (3 years after my first)-I was pretty much told by my mom "oh no you can't have one". And I stupidly had not kept alot of things not expecting to have another child.
Now 10 years later, when I was no longer with my husband and got pregnant with my 3rd, i did have a shower because I had nothing left for baby stuff.

But my sister kept most of her big stuff so all she really needs is seasonal clothes for a newborn and diapers. We might take her to a little lunch to celebrate but that's it. I wouldn't have a problem if she had another shower but I'm not throwing her another one.

If we did have one however, and she made a list, I'd be psyched cuz sometimes it's so hard to know what to buy. The only thing is with the big ticket items, I always feel like those do not belong on registries. That is for the close family or the parents themselves to buy. I wouldn't buy a $200 stroller for a casual friend, kwim?

[loveebella]

I would not be offeneded by being told exactly what she needed and i what color/sizes. I would rather spend my money on something I know she can use than on something she does not need or will garage sale.
I have 2 boys who are 2 1/2 weeks shy of being 2 year apart..(i hope that makes sense). I was thrown 3 shower with my 1st and I did not have to buy diapers for him until he was over 6 months:) When I had my 2nd son I was thrown another shower.The friends who threw the shower asked me what I needed and told them all I need is diapers/wipes, lotion/soap. People even came to me and asked me what do you need/want. My mom bought me a new carseat, 1st DS's was a hand me down. We bought a double stroller and that was the end of that. I got what I needed and then some.

[missmitz]

I voted no...because the question itself isn't related to this being a 2nd baby shower.... however.... I was raised that a baby shower for a 2nd child is in poor taste. Kinda like wearing white before Easter I guess.....

[cpaige]

I say: throw the proud momma her surprise shower, make it a sprinkle shower (love that idea), get her tons of diapers, and if you want to get her big ticket items......Go for it!!

[ekoury]

Originally Posted by raesana I personally do think it's in poor etiquette. When I first came to the U.S and learned about registries, I was horrified AND I couldn't figure out why people gave gift receipts. I don't know if it's a cultural or generational difference though. If I buy a gift, a lot of thought goes into it and I find it offensive that someone would even think of returning it. Registries kind of take the fun out of buying presents. Kind of OT story... my BIL and his GF got pregnant and moved away. They decided to have a "through the mail" baby shower. I could not believe it! They sent out "invitations" telling people where they were registered and where to mail their packages to. The sister also included a note saying that if we wanted to save on shipping costs, we could send a giftcard and they'd pick something out and wrap it on our behalf. Of course we sent something because we're so close in relation, but then I called and half-jokingly asked when my cake and party favors were going to show up.

Well, I look at it differently. I am not from the U.S. and I was raised in a country without the registry, gift receipts, etc. You buy your present and give it to people. Simple. However, when I moved to the U.S., I was not horrified with the registries at all. If anything, I thought that was the best idea. No matter how much thought you put into buying your gift, one can never know how a person who receives it is going to react to it. I myslef have had some gifts given to me that did not fit, were not what I wanted, etc. And back in my country, I got stuck with them. They ended up collecting dust.

I do not believe that the registries take the fun out of buying a gift. If anything, they ensure that the person will be satisfied with their gift. In my personal opinion (and everybody is entitled to one), the satisfaction part is more important than the fun part.

The story about BIL and his GF is funny. The way they did it is a little tacky, but to each is own.

[Stacy]

I am going to chime in on this one. I am pregnant with twins, my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies. I have a 11 year old son. Is it wrong that my friends want to throw me a baby shower? I have NOTHING for a baby, let alone 2. And even if I did, yes, it would be outdated. I see nothing wrong with putting a note in there or even registery list, if she was registering. It gives the people that are going a chance to get what she needs or wants for the baby. My registeries are huge, because I am having twins. However, there are many price ranges on my registeries. From cribs to pacifiers, I am asking for it all. Whatever I get, I will be happy with since I have nothing to begin with. If people want to come and not bring anything, that is fine too. It is a chance for friends, old and new to get together and have fun. Presents or not.