Godparents

[regbyandjulie]

I didn't see a thread in this forum on this topic, so I thought I'd start one. I was wondering how many parents on here have godparents for their kids, or are godparents themselves.

I was wondering about the etiquette of asking someone to be a godparent for your kids. In my experience, it is customary (and most polite) to wait until you are asked to be a godparent, but recently, while DH and I were talking about naming godparents for our future DD, one of his friends actually asked US if he could be the godfather for our daughter. I told DH that I thought this was rather unusual if not a bit rude (he is a good friend of ours, so I guess it wasn't as rude as if someone we didn't know well had asked).

If someone is sort of "expecting" to be asked or named godparent, how do you let them down gently? DH and I have a couple good friends who just kind of assume they are going to be the godparents, but we've actually chosen someone other than them, and I'm wondering how to let them down gently.

Lastly, what do you feel are the responsibilities of godparents? Does the responsibility start ONLY in case the unthinkable happens?

[Doreen]

Julie,

Yes, I am a God Parent, and I have been there for my nephew for birthdays and graduations. My sister told me that it was customary to be there until he graduates from high school, but now that he's in college, I still find myself doing things for him. You know, even if I just fill a cardboard box of stockpile items that he can take back to college with him, I want him to know that I still love and care for him.

[chriscree]

My boys both have "official" god parents < those people who are choosen because they follow the same faith and we asked them if anything were to happen would they keep our children learning and following those customs. They were standing up at each baptisim and are on the Baptismal certificate on file with the church.(we are Catholic BTW)
They also have "unofficial" godparents those people we see all the time who care for and love our children like their own. They are at all functions anyways. almost like the aunt and uncle who are really cousins or real real good friends.KWIM?

I would do a little research on what it means to have "godparents" in your family and go from there.

[Kim1013]

I am a godparent and my DD has her aunt (DH's sister) and uncle (DH's BIL) as godparents. We are Catholic so to get DD baptised we had to name a male and female as godparents with one of them being Catholic. I view godparents as someone who believes in God but doesn't necessarily have to have the same faith as you. Just as long as they believe and are secure in their faith and in God and are good people that your child can look up to. When your child gets older and has questions about God, godparents can be there to answer their questions and help them to become more secure in their faith. That's what I think godparents are for.

Now if something were to happen to my DH and me, then DD would go to my sister. She might not be the most devoted to her church but she is the most devoted to her children and husband and they adore my DD. They live on a farm just like we do and we raise our children similarly so DD would be raised in a familiar environment. My sister and BIL are not money hungry/greedy people so whatever DD inherited from us would be hers and not robbed from her. I know without a doubt that all of DD needs would be taken care of and she would be raised like she was their own child. It's a hard topic to think about but a necessary one for the well-being of your child(ren).

[Cin42382]

I have godparents, although I'm not 100% sure who they are. I am not a godparent myself, but I hope to have godparents for my child, although right now we have no idea who that will be. :(

[puakinikini]

This is an important decision in all religions, but it means something different depending on your religious views. So I would meet with your spiritual leader (the person who will baptize your child) to discuss this. I am Catholic and the fact that I was not married with my twins was a big deal. It was important to me to baptize them Catholic - as this was very meaningful to my grandmother. I went and talked to a priest and worked it out.

[ssnoel1230]

I am a godmother to two I do not see my goddaughter due to the fact that her mother and I don't talk anymore. But my Godson is also my Nephew and I am catholic. I think that my role as godmother is to be there for him and to help him in what ever he needs me to do. He is only 2 so right now I am his "favorite Aunt" and as he grows I hope to be one of the people he feels he can talk to when he feels he can't talk to his parents. I hope this helps. And I think it is rude to ask to be a God parent especially first children.

[purplefdu]

I am not a godparent, ,and don't have kids.

But I can give you the rundown on my own godparents. My aunt (on my mom's side-grandfather's brother's daughter) is my one godparent and her son is a year younger than me and we're very close. A bit out of touch as of late, but still at least have a way to contact each other and send Christmas cards, etc. Always have.

My uncle (mom's younger brother-half of a set of twins) is my godfather. He was in jail at the time of my christening about 3 states away from us. When my grandfather dies he didn't even say hello until the eldest remaining brother of my grandfather insisted he did. He then proceeded to tell me I was going to h**l since I had not been confirmed and didn't go to church (Roman Catholic family) and sent me a prayer book with a similar notation that Easter. I am his only niece, my mom is his only sister, he has only his twin for another brother. I am almost 30 and I can count on one hand how often I've talked to him or gotten a card to say hello. The neighbors across the street stood in and filed the position throughout my life without being asked and I've always been grateful. Nothing means more to me than the beautiful white bible in a cedar box with my name inscribed. You don't have to be religious to understand the love and support it symbolizes.

On the other hand I've known several family members who ave had wonderful relationships with their godparents. I feel it is more of a continual throughout their life kind of commitment, even if only a small one.

[tmsmalley]

Godparent means different things to different people. The traditional definition is religious. If you're Catholic, there are very specific requirements for who can and can't be a Godparent. In this day and age and this country, it can be tough to find good Catholic "qualified" godparents (not divorced, practicing, etc.). Their role is spiritual. They're to help the parents guide the child through life in the church. They're there for the baptism, may be involved with first communion, confirmation, etc. The idea is that they help the parents raise the child in the church and if the parents aren't able to do it themselves (death, incarceration, illness, whatever), they can step in and assist.

Many other religions also have "Godparents" but generally aren't so strict about who can do it and all the rig-a-ma-role that Catholics have about it. There's also a secular "honorary" term of Godparent used by many people. It is just an honorary title however and doesn't mean anything.

Remember, that whether it is a religious or secular or honorary title, naming a Godparent DOES NOT GRANT CUSTODY of your child to them in case of your death. You have to formally name someone as a guardian in your will. You can also name a financial guardian and a physical guardian if you know someone who would be great with your child but lousy with their money.

Tess

[cina409]

I have 2 Godmothers and 2 Godfathers they are my parents BF since high school. I think you have to do what is best and everyone will understand. I love both sets of Godparents and are very close to them all and my children call them MOMO, POPO and Granny and Old Fart (yes old fart) don't ask why that is what Granny told them to call him when they started talking and it stuck.
DH and I have 2 Goddaughters.
Both of my boys have the same Godparents, I pick them before they were born.
Good luck.