I need brutally honest opinions from parents

[kval07]

So in order to teach my children to be open-minded I should be willing to expose them to possible abuse. I'm sorry but I have to weigh the negatives here. Possible abuse or possible close-mindedness. The choice seems obvious. In no way am I saying that the op's dh would be this way, but as a mom I would not take that risk.

As I mentioned previously in regards to men in our church not working alone with children, this is as much to protect them from allegations as it is to protect the children.

And to suggest that leaving my children with dh is the same as leaving them with a male daycare provider makes no sense to me. DH is someone I know and trust. A daycare provider is someone we may know very little about and may or may not be able to trust. I don't see those as anywhere close to being the same.

Ditto on the pediatrician thing. Our pediatrician is male, but who sends their 2 year old into the room by themselves with the doctor? Of course I am there the entire time.

I have to leave for work right now but I did want to quickly mention that there are plenty of women (and men too) who completely know and trust their significant other, and know every thought they are thinking. So I still don't get how tons of children are sexually abused by their parents. I highly doubt that any SANE person would stay with someone who they KNOW will sexually abuse a child. For some people, thinking they know is enough. But for me personally, you can never know a person well enough to know what they will do. Hence, victims are abused by their parents.

I will comment more when I get home.

[amy s]

I would not worry about skin color!!!
...people make judgements based on other stupider stuff!
I think if he has the experience, etc that you say he does, then go for it! My nephew is a SAHD and does day care. He watches a black baby, but he is white, and they black couple has no problem with him being white!

[amy s]

ALSO:
you may be able to find some single black women who NEED a good role model.

[ericat18]

I find it ironic all of the people who would refuse to leave their children with a male caregiver/daycare provider. Do none of you leave your children home alone with their father? There are fathers who abuse their own children too. :shrug7:

From the American Psychological Association website:

Studies on who commits child sexual abuse vary in their findings, but the most common finding is that the majority of sexual offenders are family members or are otherwise known to the child. Sexual abuse by strangers is not nearly as common as sexual abuse by family members. Research further shows that men perpetrate most instances of sexual abuse, but there are cases in which women are the offenders. Despite a common myth, homosexual men are not more likely to sexually abuse children than heterosexual men are.

Just out of curiosity, here is a question to those who won't leave their kids with male caregivers...

When they are in school, do you request FEMALE only teachers?

Also, just an observation... doesn't it seem that by not allowing children to be cared for by both sexes, it teaches gender bias, and also an underlying fear of men? That somehow if left alone with one, then they may hurt you?
I would think that by avoiding them, children are having thought seeds implanted that could grow into a HUGE insecurity, and fear of men?

I was thinking the same thing but didn't bother mentioning it.

I have to leave for work right now but I did want to quickly mention that there are plenty of women (and men too) who completely know and trust their significant other, and know every thought they are thinking. So I still don't get how tons of children are sexually abused by their parents. I highly doubt that any SANE person would stay with someone who they KNOW will sexually abuse a child. For some people, thinking they know is enough. But for me personally, you can never know a person well enough to know what they will do. Hence, victims are abused by their parents.

I will comment more when I get home.

Your statements are full of contradiction. You are saying that we should be ok with leaving our children with a male daycare provider or else we are teaching gender bias, being close-minded, etc. but then you turn around and say that we shouldn't leave our children with their own fathers because they may abuse them. So which one is it? Do leave them with men or don't?

I guess that's the beauty of being my children's mom. I get to make those decisions without consulting other people. Once you have children I guess you can make those same decisions.

Good luck to op. I'm sure you will have some people willing to use a male daycare provider and those who don't feel comfortable with it can look elsewhere.

[evelester]

I would not see a problem if he had good refrences and such. BUT my husband would, not because of being black, but for being a man. He has no good reason for this, as it has come up before, I honestly think merry poppins could knock on the door and he would not approve!

[beth119]

Your statements are full of contradiction. You are saying that we should be ok with leaving our children with a male daycare provider or else we are teaching gender bias, being close-minded, etc. but then you turn around and say that we shouldn't leave our children with their own fathers because they may abuse them. So which one is it? Do leave them with men or don't?

I guess that's the beauty of being my children's mom. I get to make those decisions without consulting other people. Once you have children I guess you can make those same decisions.

Good luck to op. I'm sure you will have some people willing to use a male daycare provider and those who don't feel comfortable with it can look elsewhere.

Geez... no one was saying you had to leave your kids with anyone

I can totally understand not wanting to leave your children with someone who you don't know, have no references for, etc...

But our point is, children are MORE likely to be molested by a family member than someone else. There are dangers everywhere, NO KIDDING!

And I am sure that most mothers whose children were molested by their fathers "knew that THEIR husbands were GOOD and LOVING and so not capable"...

You never know for sure. Period. Children are more likely (statistically) to be physically abused (beaten, slapped, overdosed, etc..) by FEMALE child care providers than male ones. WATCH THE NEWS.

As far as teachers go, yes they are in a building with other people. But it HAS happened... By both male and female teachers...

But to simply exclude someone based on gender, well, um, ok. I want my daughter and sons to know that BOTH men AND woman are capable of being loving, and capable of hurting them. Not one is "scarier because of anatomy".

I would also question any place (especially) a church that had restrictions on teachers and staff not being allowed alone with children. That would send a BIG RED FLAG to me that something MAY be going on or has gone on that shouldn't be. And if it is simply precaution, well me PERSONALLY, would rather not teach my kids that by being left alone with someone means they are going to do you harm...

[beth119]

Just to add....

My son excels in reading. His teacher's helper does a lot of one on one stuff with him in a smaller classroom that is used for testing and such...

Should I start worrying? William adores this guy and he has really brought out a lot of excellent potential in my son. Should I throw that away because the helper has an extra muscle?

[kval07]

Your statements are full of contradiction. You are saying that we should be ok with leaving our children with a male daycare provider or else we are teaching gender bias, being close-minded, etc. but then you turn around and say that we shouldn't leave our children with their own fathers because they may abuse them. So which one is it? Do leave them with men or don't?

I guess that's the beauty of being my children's mom. I get to make those decisions without consulting other people. Once you have children I guess you can make those same decisions.

Good luck to op. I'm sure you will have some people willing to use a male daycare provider and those who don't feel comfortable with it can look elsewhere.

I was not contradicting myself. I was pointing out contradictions of the reasoning of others, because I quite simply don't get them. That's all.

[#1RobThomasfan]

Just a tip, check your local Dept. of CHildren and Families and see if they offer online courses that your DH can take , (usually around 10$ per course) once he takes the test locally he will be certified in child care. Its not that hard. Check your area.

I wouldn't personally have a problem with someone who is checked and provides documentation that they've passed a LOCAL background and FBI background check. Sometimes the local checks don't uncover things a FBI check does.

Good luck with your pregnancy and your Dh's new "job"

[nena2007]

Ok, I haven't read any of the other posts, so I am just responding to the first. First of all, I'm not sure if I would trust a man. However... I would NEVER put my husband in the position where he could be accused for misconduct. Lets be honest, someone is much more likley to point fingers at a man (black or otherwise). You dont' want something like that ruining your family's life!

As for the student loans. I just deffered mine... you just claim "financial hardship" and say what you can pay each month... we put we can pay $30 so that is what we are paying. It was really easy, my husband just mailed something in.

Good luck! I think SAHD's are awesome! :)