Need advice: Worst separation anxiety EVER!

[nateNnatsmommy]

Sorry if this is in the wrong spot, but HUTC didn’t seem like the right place, because I don’t feel like being ripped into for my dilemma.

Someone please tell me that you’ve gone through this before, and what helped you to solve the problem?

My one year old daughter just started daycare a week and a half ago, and has since become the CLINGIEST child I have ever witnessed/heard of. She spent the first year with my sister while I was at work, so being away from me during the day is nothing new to her. For the most part, it sounds like she’s doing pretty well at daycare without me (doesn’t spend the whole day crying or anything). When I go to pick her up, she starts bawling as soon as she sees me, and is fine once I pick her up. The crying starts again when I put her in her car seat.

At home, all night and all weekend, she wants to be held CONSTANTLY. I cannot set her down at all, not even to sit next to me on the sofa, without her crying again. In order to cook dinner, I have to set her on the kitchen floor and let her cry, including fending her away from the oven with my feet if I’m pulling out or putting anything in.

This is becoming so ridiculous and frustrating. I can’t eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom without her, or she throws the HUGEST fit in the world. It’s so bad that at times I just have to set her in her crib, where I know she’s safe, and leave the room to take a break from her while she screams her head off.

I don’t know how to make this better. I have a five year old to deal with at the same time, and he comes with his own set of temper tantrums. My husband’s been working very late trying to meet a deadline, so I’m left to deal with the two of them by myself at nights and on weekends, and I can’t get anything done the way things are going. Getting dinner made is already a struggle; now the laundry and cleaning are backing up as well.

I feel like I’m going to lose my mind if she doesn’t ease up on the clinginess. I need a vacation from my kids!

[Dengineer]

I wish I had some great advice for you. All I can say is that most kids go through this at some point and it sounds like you are handling it as best as can be expected! I know it probably doesn't make you feel any better, but I really feel your pain. My DH works long hours, travels a lot and my kids have driven me to the point of insanity many times.

Separation anxiety generally gets better as they grow, but don't worry, next week they'll be doing something else that is equally as ghastly and annoying--LOL!

[Cynthiabutterfly]

You poor thing.

My nephew was the same way from the time he came home from the hospital (he was a preemie and in the ICU for 90 days) until he was almost 2 years old. Our theory was that maybe when he was in the hospital he had to cry louder and/or longer to be heard above the other babies, so it just became habit.

Don't feel bad if you have to put her in her crib for a few minutes to compose yourself. I've been there. You have to take care of Mommy before you can take care of baby.

[chinyxub]

OP, I feel for you and relate to you as I have a 22 month old and he often wants my full attention when I try to make supper. One thing that works for me is using a carrier. I wear the carrier on my back, not front, to free my hands and he won't be close to the stove/oven/counter. He enjoys it and thinks it's fun to watch all I do. He falls asleep in the carrier on my back sometimes. Hope you find a way that works for you. And remember to care for yourself!!!

[tmsmalley]

This is just something that takes some time to resolve. My (now 5 year old) Nicole cried every day when I dropped her off AND when I picked her up for 9 months. It did finally go away. All you can do is a combination of cuddles, letting her cry and probably crying yourself :) It will however, get better. I'd say for most kids it will get better in a few weeks.

Now in contrast, Jenny (now 2.5) went off with no issues at all and although sometimes she's clinging to me like a koala when I leave her, for the most part, she's only cried once or twice when I've left her (and never when I picked her up).

Hang in there! This too shall pass!

Tess

[momof2inohio]

I wish I had some good advice for you but I guess I lucked out because both of my kids never had seperation anxiety. I was actually kind of sad because on my daughters first day of preschool most of the kids were crying and wanted mommy to stay. My daughter was like see ya!
I can relate about needing a break though. My kids follow me around from the time they get home from school until bedtime. I feel like I cant get anything done and my DH works until 10 pm every night so its just me here dealing with it.

Im going to florida in 2 weeks, wanna come??

[nateNnatsmommy]

YES!!!!!!

Im going to florida in 2 weeks, wanna come??

Thanks for all of the kind words and advice so far; keep it coming, please!!!

[shelleyf]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through it for 3 years with my middle child. I had learned how to mop with one hand and her in the other one. I can peel shrimp holding her. She is now 14 years old and said you must have loved me to put up with me. lol

[CoffeeMom]

I'm sorry you have to go through this! I'm a SAHM and my 9 month old FLIPS if he can't see me for more than a couple minutes. We've only ever gone out without him a few times (left him with Grandma) when he was young enough to sleep most of the time. Right now we're trying to get him ready for staying with Grandma when we go to the hospital to have the baby...we started having her 'babysit' him downstairs while I clean or do whatever upstairs. At first he freaked and I came down every so often to reassure him and he'd be fine for a while. Now he's at the point where he'll stay with her for an hour or two while I actually leave the house and be fine.

I'm not sure how that would work for you since she's already in daycare, but maybe you could have try to set her up with some toys on the kitchen floor where she can watch you make dinner and if she's upset go over to reassure her every 5 minutes or so? I'm sorry I don't have better advice.

[duetchan]

I don't have too much real advice, but from my own experiences I have to say, give it time. It will fade. It's only been a week, she needs some time to adjust. In about a month's time the initial separation won't be as 'traumatic' to her and (if she's anything like my DD) will be practically pushing you out the door so she can have fun.

The 'at home' issues may take a little longer. After taking DD to babysitters since she was 9 months old we still have some issues with leaving the room when she's there, but they are less and less.

Best advice, be patient with her, she will adjust at her own pace.