Pretty Bummed...

[tivaclare]

We're expecting our second child in December. Ultrasound puts my due date at Dec 30, doc is saying Jan 6. Because of our hospital's policies I will have to have a second c-section.

DD will be 2 when baby is born and we're trying to get family out here to watch her during the surgery. Well, right now our only real option is my MIL. My mom came for DD, and DH doesn't really want her around for this one, she also won't be able to afford to trip since she's just spent a lot of money to go home to England.

Well, MIL needs to know like NOW so she can get time off work and buy her tickets. She needs at least 30 days notice for work and is worried about getting tickets during the holiday rush.

At my appt today I tried to feel out when I may be giving birth and of course "it depends", and we probably really won't have an idea until a week to two weeks in advance. As greedy as this is going to sound I want to have baby before Dec 31, for tax reasons, and I don't want to be in the hospital for New Year's.

I don't see how we're going to make it work. I got all moody with DH (have since apologized) and told him as such. He's the type that throws his hand up in the air right away and says, "Well, I guess I can't see my son being born, I have to stay home with DD. You'll be alone"

Great. Usually I'm the one who finds solution, but really, every so often, I need a break. I'm just so depressed and bummed out I don't know what to do. Honestly I feel like it's pretty much on my shoulders.

MIL is going to call back tomorrow for us to discuss some more. I didn't get a chance to talk to her today and my next dr visit isn't until the first week of September, so I can't talk to Dr. But really, I think she'll give the same "wait and see" attitude. (which I understand, really I do)

Sometimes being in the military and 1200 miles away makes things really hard. I only have one friend out here I trust to take care of my daughter and she will be having her second baby about a month before mine. Between a newborn, her own two year old and her family visiting she won't be able to help.

I'm just sad. Needed to vent a little.

[kalamos23]

*hugs*
I just kind of went through this with my little one - I had been having preterm labor since 33 weeks, and my mom was going to fly out from FL to OR to help after... I had SO many calls asking when I thought I was going to have the baby and it stressed me out SO much. The baby didn't come until 39 weeks. My mom finally ended up coming out and I didn't have the baby for 2 weeks after that, but it was great to spend so much time with my mom as I hadn't gotten to since I moved away 4 years ago. She stayed for 2 weeks after as well - just as an fyi, she used frequent flier miles for her ticket, flew out and then didn't return home when her ticket said - she just rebooked it for 100 bucks change fee when she wanted to go home - that might be an option for you?

At any rate, I feel for you, it really sucks having family so far away.

[BigDog]

Are you sure your friend won't be able to help? I, for one, liked taking care of kids. And about 2 days after I got home. I was ready to push everyone out. I wouldn't have minded in the least bit watching another kid. Maybe she could watch if there is an overlap in time. You know if your MIL won't be able to get there for a few hours.

Nevertheless, does your DD go to preschool? If so you could maybe schedule to birth around her time there. So your DH could watch the birth and then she could visit after school. Or maybe you could send her to a mother's morning out. Which typically don't run in the winter. (I don't think.)

Or, contact your base. They probably have a way they can help.

Hang in there it is going to work out.

[werblam]

Are you sure your friend won't be able to help? I, for one, liked taking care of kids. And about 2 days after I got home. I was ready to push everyone out. I wouldn't have minded in the least bit watching another kid. Maybe she could watch if there is an overlap in time. You know if your MIL won't be able to get there for a few hours.

Nevertheless, does your DD go to preschool? If so you could maybe schedule to birth around her time there. So your DH could watch the birth and then she could visit after school. Or maybe you could send her to a mother's morning out. Which typically don't run in the winter. (I don't think.)

Or, contact your base. They probably have a way they can help.

Hang in there it is going to work out.

That is some great advice. Since C-sections can be scheduled, can you talk to you doctor about your dilemma and ask him if he can schedule you for a specific day. Maybe if he understands the bind you are in, he may be more apt to help. Then you can drop your dd at your friends for a few hours and hubby can come and get her to see you and new baby... Good luck, don't stress, somehow it all works out.

[Cynthiabutterfly]

My dr was able to schedule my c section in advance for DS # 2 so we were able to make arrangements for DS #1 to stay with my sister. Thankfully I have a lot of family in the area, otherwise we would have had to bring DS #1 with us.

I don't know what the rules are at the hospital you are using, the one we used is very relaxed, and they even have sleeper sofas in the room for spouses.

Also, your DH may be emotional about it now, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices for our family. If he has to stay in another room with your DD until the baby is born, he'll still get the chance to see him in the nursery immediately while they finish with you, and it won't be the end of the world, I promise. He'll have the rest of his life to see his son.

[Andra]

My dr was able to schedule my c section in advance for DS # 2 so we were able to make arrangements for DS #1 to stay with my sister. Thankfully I have a lot of family in the area, otherwise we would have had to bring DS #1 with us.

I don't know what the rules are at the hospital you are using, the one we used is very relaxed, and they even have sleeper sofas in the room for spouses.

Also, your DH may be emotional about it now, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices for our family. If he has to stay in another room with your DD until the baby is born, he'll still get the chance to see him in the nursery immediately while they finish with you, and it won't be the end of the world, I promise. He'll have the rest of his life to see his son.

ITA with Cynthiabutterfly. Find out the rules for the hospital and take DD with you if you can. You may even get lucky and the nurses may offer to watch her for a few minutes while your DH slips in to see your c-section. Even though she's only 2, she will understand when you tell her you are going to bring home her new baby brother. It will involve her in the process a little to be with her daddy when she sees her new brother for the first time.

[MrsPinecone]

I am having a second c/s in December, and my doc scheduled it for 39 weeks. I would explain the dilemma and I am sure they will try and accomodate you. Maybe you can get it done on the 27th or something?

DS will be two, as well! And FWIW, my husband is the "throw up his hands" type, too, and I always end up being the one to organize things. I don't have many answers for you, but feel better knowing that someone has to deal with the same stuff that you do!

[tivaclare]

I'm not so sure my friend can help. She's also have a c-section a month early, and I'm not sure how's she going to do. Pregnancy is like a disability to that poor girl, she's constantly having problems and on bedrest now, so I'm a little wary of her recovery. I'm pretty sure since her parents are retired they will stay through Christmas so maybe they can take DD for a few hours.

DH is what he is. I told him that maybe by November they'll give us some more concrete information and that will still give MIL plenty of time to get a flight, and if she gives work a heads up now that she'll be wanting time off around then, I don't think it will so hard to come. She works for the VA, so I know there are rules and stuff, but if the Air Force can give us leave in a few days notice, I'm sure they can do with a few weeks!

I hope it will all work out. Right now DD is pretty oblivious to the pregnancy. She doesn't talk to anything yet, and I don't think she seems to understand when we tell her about the baby. If she's like this in December it would be much easier to leave her with family then have her at the hospital.

This is the same hospital I had DD in and the rooms are "ok". There's a sofa to sleep on, but that's about it. They let DH stay last time, but I think you're only allowed one guest. It's a pretty busy ward since this is the only place to have babies for like hundreds of miles, and we have a pop of 80k out here.

I'll just keep DH calm as best I can and work out something with MIL. She's really level headed. I honestly didn't expect DH to get as upset as he did last night. If MIL can't come we'll have to work something out at least for the time of surgery. I was out last time, but I think it only took like 30-40 minutes.

[savaholic]

I used to be an OB/Gyn nurse and know from experience that MD"s are unable to schedule c-sections early unless there are medical reasons to do so. Such as high blood pressure or even a large baby. However, they can usually give an idea as to the day b/c they know what days they have call and it works out most of the time.

I'm sorry you're having another section. It is a longer recovery period. I was lucky that both my MD and hospital allow VBAC and it worked out great w/ second baby.
If there's anyone someone can watch your daughter the night of your delivery that may be as little help you need. We've never been fortunate to have family or close friends we trust w/ our older son, so our second we dealt with on our own. My husband didn't stay w/ me in the hospital b/c he was home w our toddler. This was ok, and I had nurses to help me and our hospital has a nursery so baby's don't HAVE to room in.

Good luck w/ everything.

[MrsPinecone]

They do say that scheduled c/s are easier to recover from than ones after you have been laboring.

I'm happy to hear that, because I can't imagine an easier recovery than the one that I had with my first c/s. Aside from the lifting thing, I was in pretty good shape within a week.