Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas.......le sigh

[disabledvetswife]

The short version:

DH and I want to send our girls to a private Christian School.

DH and I wanted to move to a better neighborhood, well, one that's less hood than ours.

We really need a bigger house.

I am a SAHM (my life's dream).

We went to the school's open house Thursday night & loved it. Since DD will be going into Pre-K, we can do VPK (where the state pays the school). My intention was to act as if we were paying the tuition & bank the money, that way, when she goes into K, we'll have tuition ahead. DD#2 will be starting in 2 years.

We sat down & honestly talked and don't really see how we will be able to move to a different house. Even though the mortgage payments would only go up $100/month...more sq. ft. means more A/C (we're in FL), more property taxes, more homeowner's insurance, etc. We'll also need to get a second car (DH has a lot of doctor's appts at the VA - over an hour each way) - which means more gas, car insurance, etc.

I don't really want to go back to work.

It seems like it's coming down to either Christian School or another house.

Le Sigh!

[everprincess]

Send your girls to the school. Save up the money for the second car (pay cash) & then save more for the new house. We did this for awhile and we are happy with the new home we bought. HTH!

[clippyclippy]

When your girls are ready to leave home one day, will you look back and be thankful you were able to live in a bigger house, or that you were able to give them a Christian education?

[JulieDB]

Just my opinion, but I would never pay for school like that. Our taxes pay for the public school and I am taking advantage of it.

[CW&M Mom]

Explain why you need a bigger house...especially with your girls going to be in school within the next few years.

Not disagreeing..I know your DH has a lot of medical issues..so thought we better lay those down on the table to help weigh everything out.

[disabledvetswife]

Send your girls to the school. Save up the money for the second car (pay cash) & then save more for the new house. We did this for awhile and we are happy with the new home we bought. HTH!

Forgot to mention our house will be paid off in 5 years exactly!

When your girls are ready to leave home one day, will you look back and be thankful you were able to live in a bigger house, or that you were able to give them a Christian education?

The size isn't the only issue - it's the neighborhood too. It's not really the safest neighborhood. They can't ride bikes (way too busy of a road), can't really take walks without running into riff-raff. I know break-ins can happen anywhere, but my neighborhood is a magnet. All of our neighbor's houses have been broken into at least twice in the last 8 months.

Bullets fired from the bad section of town can easily fly to our neighborhood (and have). The only thing that separates our neighborhood from theirs is 1 street and a schoolyard.

Just my opinion, but I would never pay for school like that. Our taxes pay for the public school and I am taking advantage of it.

I'm glad you have a great school system to utilize. The school district we're in are D-rated schools. The high school I graduated from was turned into the Police Athletic League.

Explain why you need a bigger house...especially with your girls going to be in school within the next few years.

Not disagreeing..I know your DH has a lot of medical issues..so thought we better lay those down on the table to help weigh everything out.

Since DH is home 100% of the time - his "hobby" is sweepstaking and tinkering with computers. He has zero workspace. He cannot leave a disassmbled computer on his desk for a second. DD#2 stuck her finger in the cooling fan of one he had opened and all he did was turn to get a screwdriver. Thank goodness it's a plastic fan, but it still has high rpms (she didn't get hurt).

I technically have a job, although I don't work very often. I am paid a retainer to be at the "beck and call" of the person I work for. I need a home office to do his work (medical billing and have to comply with HIPAA laws). The only way for me to comply with HIPAA now is to place the medical records in the farking attic.

Currently, DH and I have both of our desks in the small dining room (our house is about 1450sq ft) and we both cannot sit at our desks at the same time (2 chairs do not fit).

He needs an office to be able to shut the door and I need an office (we can share a regular sized room) where I can lockup the medical records. There is no way to add-on to our house (due to zoning & footprint of our house).

Besides that, our kitchen is super tiny. 2 people cannot be in there at the same time. I won't be able to cook with my daughter - let alone both of them.

There is NO storage. Houses in Florida aren't made like houses elsewhere. We don't have basements or usable attics, really don't have linen closets, coat closets, pantries, etc (or at least mine doesn't). You can't store hardly anything in the garage - especially if you want to park in it. The temp in the garage in summer can get to 120 and the attic (which is in the garage) is even higher.

My kitchen has 1 pantry closet which is about 2' wide. I have 2 drawers in my kitchen, 3 lower cabinets, 2 tiny cabinets above the fridge, 2 even tinier spice cabinets (doesn't even fit a spice riser) above the stove and 3 upper cabinets. (We were a candidate for a kitchen makeover but came in 2nd).

There is no place to store sheets, comfortors, kitchen gadgets, roasting pans, platters, luggage, etc. I have already space-bagged everything I could. I have added on-door storage racks, underbed storage, my desk hutch is serving as kitchen gadget & storage for 2L bottles of soda and our shampoo stockpile. My office credenza is storing bibs, kitchen dish towels, stockpile kitchen stuff (alum. foil, dishsoap, dishwasher tabs, etc).

The only thing I can think of doing (for more space) is to put both girls in the same room. However, DH is adamantly against it. He grew up sharing a tiny room. I don't really want them to have to share a room either.

In addition, we have zero yard. No room for them to play at all, no room to throw or kick a ball, no room for a swingset. I can mow the yard in 2 passes.

I could go on....and on.....and on......and on......

[CW&M Mom]

If you sell your house, which you have a lot of equity..can you move where you would have way better schools..and plan if you can to get them into Christian schools when your able to if possible later? Once both girls are in school..you might be able to pick up more hours?

[clippyclippy]

I totally missed your comment in the op about your current neighborhood being unsafe.
Perhaps you could put your girls in PS for the few years and save vigorously during that time?
if you can't do private school for their entire schooling, maybe plan for a minimum of middle school and high school.

[JulieDB]

Your house sounds somewhat like mine. We do have a yard. It's a small one but nobody uses it. We are not outdoor people. The only time we do go outside is on the rare occasions when it is too hot to stay inside.

The crime in this area is somewhat bad. It wasn't when we first moved here but the problem is we are not in the city limits and too many people have moved into the area. The sheriff just can't keep up.

I have no pantry at all. There is a partial linen closet by one bathroom but there is none for mine. I had to buy a towel stacker. Luckily it's a large bathroom so it fit.

I didn't like this house so much but it did fit some of what we were looking for. 3 bedrooms, 2 baths and in a really good school district. To me the school was the most important thing. Had we moved a couple of blocks over, we would be in another school district that is not good. My daughter is in special ed, so she does need a quality school.

Taggers have moved into this area but AFAIK there are no shootings or anything like that. Not safe to ride bikes around here either but not an issue since my daughter doesn't like to ride a bike.

I wouldn't have a problem with sharing a room. Actually I do it now. We have two super small bedrooms here. My daughter has one but doesn't use it except for storage. My husband has the other one. I have the large one and the extra bed is in it and that is where my daughter sleeps. Although this isn't what I ever wanted, she shows no signs of leaving. The bed she is currently sleeping on is probably the best of the four. Her bed has rarely been used but it has only a bunky board and a super cheap mattress on it. Fine perhaps for a small child but not for a tall, plus sized teen.

I have had to live in military housing in far less than ideal housing. I have had to make do with much too little space. But I always knew at some point I would be moving. I would not want to own a house that was far too small for our needs. I am disabled too which caused a problem for us buying a house. Most of the houses in this area have stairs in them. And stairs are not good for me at all. I can get up and down them when I need to but it is very difficult for me. And when we lived in military housing with two flights of stairs in the apartment I had to really plan out my day to avoid taking extra trips up and down. I am a diabetic and for some reason the stairs were causing hypos. I had to keep candy on all levels of my apartment because just one extra trip up and down or down and up would leave me close to fainting.

We also had a very short time frame in which to purchase the house. In retrospect I see that it was a VERY bad move. I didn't want to own a house and the very reasons why I didn't want to own a house are now biting us in the butt. Constant plumbing problems and now the need of a new roof. Things we can't afford.

Given my age (52) it is unlikely that we will ever get this house paid off. By the time we do, I will be ready for the nursing home. My husband is a bit younger. We are pretty much stuck here now because we bought when the price was high and now it is worth less than what we paid for it.

But in your case? It sounds bad. Not so much the lack of space perhaps but the area where you live. I would try to get out of there. This is why I refuse to allow my husband to move us to the part of PA where he grew up. It's not a good place to raise kids. Many of them turn to drugs. And there are no jobs there.

Is there a reason why you are staying in Florida? Maybe you should move to another state?

[3timesoccermom]

Just some random thoughts here though not sure if they are any help or not.

I disagree that it's always the kids everything should be sacrificed for. I think the decision that would do the most good for your entire family would be best and that includes taking your and your husband's needs into consideration. The kids will likely be happy anywhere that mom and dad are happy.

I wouldn't pay for the "Christian" part of the education. If it's that important it can be taught at home or with church and church activities.

it's highly unlikely you'll let your daughters ride their bikes or walk alone regardless of where you live. Our neighborhood doesn't have shootings and things like that going on but a while back I took a(nother) look at the registered sex offenders' list and there are 3 within a block of our home and dozens within a very small radius.

Re sharing a room. They will survive!!! They will become close(r). They WILL bicker at times but they'd do that anyway - it helps them define themselves as individuals and it's not the end of the world. My 3 girls shared a room for a few years and I have no regrets about it - they had a lot of fun. It's not asking too much for them to share so you and Hubs can have some space - you are entitled to room for your own projects. He may have had a negative experience sharing but not everyone does. You can always tell him you'd like to try it - if it ends up being a horror you can change it back. Sharing will teach them about cooperation, negotiation and consideration for others.

Finally, here's what I have found. When you have a big dilemma like this you can fret and worry and plan and wonder but usually these things end up unexpectedly resolving themselves - often in a manner we never even considered. So try not to worry too much.