Coffee Talk Round 3. Tonight's Topic: Spanking your kids

[Gnorga]

I'm joking you guys!

I don't have any kids and if I did, they'd have to do something terrible for me to discipline by spanking.
I do feel like spanking is the parents choice, as long as it doesn't go beyond that.
I'd have to do the spanking after I "cooled off" too.

[kremsh]

I did spank my kids, now 22 and 25, but not a lot. DD25 only needed to be spanked a few times before just a look would change her behavior. DS22 didn't respond well to it at all, it only made him angrier so I had to resort to other methods of punishment for him. Do I regret spanking them? Definitely yes, I did it more out of anger and spur of the moment reactions that I wish I didn't have. I was spanked as a child, hated it and vowed never to do it to my children..yet I did.

I learned from my mistakes for sure but they both still love me and I don't think they hold it against me now!

[Macaela25]

Do you or did you ever spank your kids? I don't spank, but do give single swats that are not forceful.

If yes why?/If not why not? I don't spank because I have very large hands, am very solid and strong and could make an adult cry if I spanked them...I could do major damage to a kid, especially if I was mad, so I don't.

If you do spank, what offenses are "spankable"? I mostly "swat" to get my children's attention when they are young (under four) and ignoring me or my "cut it out" signals. Mine have a tendency to get overly rambunctious as they are comedians by nature and can't seem to tell when enough is enough. The swat is always an instant "you went WAY over the line" and rarely has to be used. Four and over is easy to rationalize with and they tend to respond way better to loss of privileges, isolation, or early bedtime. I never respond to hurtful behavior by hurting the child. That just teaches that the bigger guy gets to hit.[COLOR="red"]

Were you spanked as a child? Did this influence your choice? Yes, I was, and no it didn't. I needed every beating I got plus some. I was one of those kids that learns through their butt...if I was my mom, I don't know how I would have dealt with me.

[motherofmolly]

Do you or did you ever spank your kids? yes

If yes why?/If not why not? sometimes it a spank is necessary

If you do spank, what offenses are "spankable"? it has to be big. yelling, screaming fit throwing, telling a big ol lie, or doing somethign that puts the other one in big harm

Were you spanked as a child? Did this influence your choice? my dad wooped me once over not doing the dishes. this wasnt so much a spanking as it was a beating. i was on a visit at his house. i called my mom and made her come get me the next morning. havent spoken to him since.

there is a difference in a spank and an out right beating. leaving marks is unacceptable. but sometimes the time outs, talks, taking away toys or extras does not work. but i try everything else first before i take the route of spanking. i say spanking but really for my kids it is an open hand pop to the butt. no where else. no face, no arms just butt.

[CW&M Mom]

Do you or did you ever spank your kids? Yes, although More under 5, it becomes rare after 5 (and even still not even an every weekly even under 5

If yes why?/If not why not? Spanking (as in one swat on the butt)is most effective when a child is very young and cannot be reasoned with because of age, but becomes less effective as they get older so I rarely use it as they get beyond 4 or so. I'm also willing to slap a hand for the "oven is too hot" type of thing.

If you do spank, what offenses are "spankable"? Dangerous things. Mostly my toddler gets spanked right now..if she has been asked to come, because we are leaving, and she refuses to come and runs off, can't put her in a time out because we are leaving. 5 year old, cannot remember the last time I spanked him. 9 year old..the last time was a month or so again while on vacation. She made a dangerous choice involving her brother and found herself spanked.

Were you spanked as a child? Did this influence your choice? Yes I was spanked as a child. My mother spanked me sparingly. My father spanked me way too much. My father also lost his temper way too much and was basically a miserable person to have to be around. I sometimes think my children have no idea how lucky they are, because living with him was misery.

Most of our discipline is time outs.

for #1 and #2 it's on the stairs towards the basement where the camelback crickets are LOL. for #3..well she parks herself in a corner. We also do a lot of natural consequences to things. As an example..my daughter for whatever the reason took one of my boxes of ziploc bags and took it up to her room and basically wasted the entire box on her stuff. Well this morning I saw it..and said..well now you owe me the cost of that box. So this evening instead of being able to do what she wanted..she had to work off the cost of that box of ziploc bags. My dad would of screamed at me for an hour, and then spanked me. My dad was still trying to spank me as a 19 year old. He still screams to this day. Anyways how my dad treated my sister's and I has greatly affected how I discipline my children, but it has less to do with being spanked and how to do with overall how he treated us as human beings.

[JulieDB]

I got spanked a lot as a child. I never spanked my daughter like I was. Turned over the knee and hit repeatedly. But I did give her swats.

Actually my dad gave her the first swat. She was just over a year old. I was very sick and unable to care for her. My parents came to help but then my mom got sick. She was staying at the motel.

My dad was trying to change her diaper but she kept laughing and kicking him. He told her if she didn't stop he was gonna whop her. That's what he calls hitting.

Well, she didn't stop so he lefted her up by the legs and gave her a swat on her bare bottom. Well that silenced her immediately and she began to behave.

I used this technique as necessary when she was younger. Mainly for doing the same bad behavior over and over after she had been asked to stop. Such as kicking me, hitting me and screaming.

When she got older she would just swat me back and she would hit me hard. So no longer effective.

Time outs never worked for her. They just made her hysterical and then she would poop or pee on the floor or throw up. Or all three.

I should add that mostly she didn't misbehave. I didn't have to give her many swats at all.

Now that she is a teen it is mostly her mouth that gets her in trouble. She got all out of control because she couldn't figure out how to sew her pre-pointe shoes. I don't have a clue either. But she wouldn't talk calmly to me and wouldn't listen. She just began screaming. And because she still has the whooping cough, screaming makes her cough. And then she throws up. She should know this by now. So I got fed up and called her a dumb ass. Not a nice thing to do, I know. I am just soooo sick of cleaning up vomit. And she knows there are two things sure to make her puke. Laughing and screaming. The laughing she can't necessarily control. The screaming, she can.

I am not well myself having had repeated episodes of low blood sugar tonight and a migraine made worse by her screaming. So that was sort of the last straw.

[jkljkl]

NO, I do not believe in hitting children at all.

[CW&M Mom]

NO, I do not believe in hitting children at all.

Do you actually have children?

[PHmom]

I was spanked as a child - not a lot but occasionally - and it did influence me to not spank my son. Not because it was traumatic or anything but because it never worked on me as a form of discipline. I never once as a child thought "I shouldn't do this because I might get spanked" LOL On the contrary, I preferred a spanking over other punishments b/c it was over quickly. So I take privileges from DS and he has to earn them back with good behavior. Mostly it's video game time that I take and that works very very well as a deterrent for him.

My mom loves to tell the story of the time my sister did something wrong and mom was determining her punishment. My sister piped up "whatever you do, please please don't take my phone away!" (she and I had a separate line in our bedrooms that we shared when we were teens - this was pre cell phone days - lol) So, of course, THAT was her punishment - no phone for two weeks. I think she would've much preferred a spanking as it about killed her to not be able to talk on the phone for two weeks!

[Lev8mysoul]

Do you or did you ever spank your kids? Only if all other alternatives didn't work. MOST of the time, the alternatives do

If yes why?/If not why not? See above

If you do spank, what offenses are "spankable"? If the child won't stop doing something that could potentially be dangerous to himself or others, and no other options have worked.

Were you spanked as a child? Did this influence your choice? No, in my case there was abuse involved when I was a kid. I learned from that to be VERY careful about how I would react to situations.

The one and only time that I ever spanked either of my girls was when my oldest, who was 2 at the time, continually attempted to play with a friends electrical outlets while we were visiting. I kept pulling her away and saying no, she kept going right back to it. No idea what was so fascinating about the outlet, maybe the fact that at home all of ours were either covered or unreachable, but she wouldn't stop. After several attempts at getting her to stop, I finally smacked her bottom and said "NO!" very sharply, and she stopped. Never had to resort to smacking her bottom again. She's now 22 years old.